Tubbo: Hey Big T, Do You Think I Could Fit In The Washing Machine?

imagine: you get your memories back after years of amnesia to find out your whole species is dead and earth doesn’t exist anymore. that the only thing left of your culture is your weird ex and his busted honda civic that barely even works that he stole from the government when he was 13. And he’s been taking members of an alien species for trips in his honda civic and they’re all like “woah it’s so cool” and you get upset because it’s NOT COOL it’s a honda civic, the turn signals don’t even work “wow it can go up hills” yeah OF COURSE IT CAN GO UP HILLS EVERY CAR COULD DO THAT. but they’ve never seen a car before so everything it does is the coolest thing ever. And your ex’s only tool is a fucking screwdriver which is somehow also cool to this dumbass alien species even though it’s a fucking screwdriver so you just look like an idiot screaming about how none of this is even cool it’s actually really shitty but your whole planet is gone so you can’t even prove it but also you’ve had a constant drumming sounding in your head since you were 10 slowly driving you insane. I would become evil too.

Wilbur Soot: Hey Tubbo, have you seen Tommy around?

Tubbo: No, what's up?

Wilbur: Tommy messaged me saying "I hate men women are poggers" and I answered back "You're a man though" and he replied "I can fix this, give me a minute" so I asked him half an hour ago what he meant by that, and he still hasn't answered.

Wilbur: I'm not worried about him or anything, but I still don't know what that means.

Tubbo: It means he needs a minute to fix it :3

Wilbur: Yes but what does that mean???

Tubbo: I dunno how to explain it better, Bossman, he just needs a minute to fix the problem.

Wilbur: ...Forget it. Ranboo-

Ranboo: Just give him a minute Wilbur, he'll fix it :3

Somewhere in the empty:

Gabriel: yeet

Lucifer:yeet

Balthazar: skirt

Gabriel: skeet

Balthazar: yeet

Lucifer: skirt

The Empty: pLeAsE jUsT sToP

cicero acts like a fool but this bitch outran a werewolf on his shorter than usual imperial leggies, significantly wounded said werewolf, got past the troll that had somehow broken into the sanctuary despite literally bleeding the whole way, and will still fite u if u fail to pickpocket him.

Jekyll: Sometimes I dream of becoming a vampire

Hyde: To live forever and not grow old?

Jekyll: To avoid seeing your ugly face in mirrors.

Philza: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Wilbur will and will not eat. Techno: Grass? Yes! Philza: Moss? Yes!! Techno: Leaves? Ohh, yes! Philza: Shoelaces? Strange but true! Techno: Worms? Sometimes! Philza: Rocks? Usually nah. Techno: Twigs? Usually! Philza: Tommy's cooking? Inconclusive! Tubbo: How did you… test this? Philza: You just hand him stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it. Tubbo: ... I don’t know how to feel about this. Tommy: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

Mama an owl behind you

this is the energy i need to see c!ranboo give wilbur when that zombie tries to slander him

Dean: What do you think is the height of stupidity?

Castiel: Hold on. Hey, Gabriel how tall are you?