Acceptance - Blog Posts

Chapter Four: Reality

Author's Note: Hello there and welcome to this fourth chapter, where Niobe will finally get to have a much awaited sit-down to let all this... sink in. Yep.

Please share your thoughts with me, that would be uplifting through these rough times we're living in.

[...]

Tokyo, Shinjuku

Niobe woke up at three in the morning. Too soon for a full night's sleep, too late to even try to fall back asleep. The nightmares were too vivid and, though her ex-boyfriend was sleeping by her side, there was only so much Karim could do at this moment. Still, the student was grateful for his presence and checking up on her. She couldn't love him more. But even he couldn't chase away the awful memories of Asakusa going up in flames forever, no matter how much he tried.

When she opened her eyes, Niobe noticed two things that made her blink in slight surprise. One, she was being spooned by Karim from behind, his face buried in her neck and his hand having found its way beneath her oversized shirt to rest against her stomach. Due to his Ignition Ability, his skin felt pleasurably cool on hers and Niobe loved that side of his powers. It was nice during summer, as she'd suffer literal hell whenever the temperatures were too high. Him tangling himself in bed with her was normal.

Two, Vulcan was staring right back at her from his position on the floor. That wasn't normal. The last time he'd done that was years ago, when he'd begged her to sleep in his bed days after his father and grandfather infernalized. He'd been inconsolable, enraged and so lost that Niobe hadn't refused him. But this time was different, as his gaze told her so. It could also mean many things at the same time.

Though it was dark in her room, she could see him as clear as day with her sight. His bright green eyes were dull and his expression was a mix of hesitation and brooding—which was a stark contrast with his usual character. As he was crouched at the edge of her bed, she could see that he was frowning a lot more than last night. How long had he been crouching there? Was he unable to sleep because he had too much on his mind? Considering that she'd revealed her recruitment in the Special Fire Force, Niobe had figured he'd be furiously against it and that they'd need to talk about it together to hash it out. She owed him that.

Vulcan jerked his head at her, motioning towards the balcony in the living-room. So he did want to talk. But was now a good time, when everyone was still recovering from the disaster? It had to be important, since he actually waited until she woke up from her nightmare.

“Now?” she mouthed, pleading.

“Now,” he mouthed back, rising to his feet and tiptoeing out of her bedroom.

Niobe watched her little brother go with a light scowl and gritted teeth, as she knew he wouldn't help her with Karim—he wasn't the one intimately tangled up with the Fire Soldier and he absolutely didn't care at all, because he was aware she'd just contort her way out of his grasp. As much as she desired to stay in bed with her handsome man, Niobe couldn't even find a way to go back to sleep. The nightmares were certainly waiting for her to give in and would creep back, whispering about her recent failure.

The guilt I'll forever share with Shinmon Benimaru.

A sharp pang of pain seized her, making her feel like she'd just been punched hard in the gut. It still hurt. It still pained her, even after Karim gave her a much needed pep talk. Niobe inhaled as silently as she could and closed her eyes for five long seconds, willing herself to accept that there wasn't and hadn't been anything she could do and could have done. Accept it, she scolded herself, rubbing at her eyes. No one ever said that acceptance was easily admitted, that it was a colossal bitch to get over. How the hell was Shinmon Benimaru—her new captain—holding up on his end? Was he having nightmares too? Was he screaming in his bed?

So many questions. So few answers because she didn't have him next to her.

Slowly, Niobe began the difficult task of escaping Karim's arms. She took his hand off her stomach with great care, lifted it to her lips to drop a tender kiss to his palm, then maneuvered herself out of his arm's grasp. His head fell into the pillow, the fabric cushioning its landing, and she smiled in relief when he didn't wake up and his breathing pattern remained unchanged. Before getting out of bed, Niobe took a few seconds to admire his sleeping face.

Karim looked so... young. And almost innocent. That tousled bed hair just made him look like the handsome young man he truly was under his scowls, bad temper and rude attitude as a Fire Soldier. When he was with her, it was as if all the troubles of tragedy and death brought by Spontaneous Human Combustion left him to become the redundant rebel she'd loved and adored once again. He'd smirk, grin and joke, which would brighten her day. Niobe would always feel loved around him and she'd return his feelings with as much ardor, always remembering that she was his harbor.

It will be hard and heartbreaking to let him go. Once he was promoted Lieutenant Priest, she and Karim would have to learn how to finally move on with their lives.

“Niobe, you still coming or what?” Vulcan's slightly impatient voice whispered at the door.

Caressing her man's cool fingers one last time, she moved the sheets and gracelessly stood up from the bed to tiptoe out of her bedroom. Vulcan had been waiting for her before the door, leaning against the couch where Bo was blissfully snoring softly. He lifted a brow at her, as if saying 'About damn time!', then silently walked towards the balcony. He avoided stepping on Ren and Nyx, both sound asleep in their fūtons, and pulled open the door with a silent hiss. A little bit more awake now, Niobe moved towards the engineer and joined him on the balcony with a quiet sigh. Once Vulcan carefully closed the door behind them, he leaned on the railing and hung his head low with a groan, hiding his eyes from her hawk-like gaze.

The warm air of June hit her rather hard, bringing not only wind but also the remnants of the recent past disaster that hit them like a devastating train wreck. The air smelled of ash and death, attacking Niobe's senses like an infection, and she fought hard not to gag. Unsettled, she pulled her eyes off Vulcan to gaze down at the ruined and burnt down city. If she'd always been proud of her extraordinary and superior sight, it now felt like a real curse to see all the damage that has been done in great detail; the destroyed businesses, the rubble and structures burnt down until they were nothing but blackened ruins. With a wince and dull eyes, Niobe recognized the café she used to work at—all reduced to naught. And beyond these buildings, she knew the devastation was just the same and mind-blowing.

That was exactly the scenery the student had kept seeing when driving back from Asakusa to home, and seeing it in the dark made it appear more... eerie. If she thought that the proto-nationalist town was a gruesome sight when the fire had finally died out, it was only a small percentage of the serious damage all the other areas of Tokyo had sustained. The Empire had nearly died that night and it really was a fucking miracle that the Special Fire Force managed to stop the inferno and put an end to it, at the cost of so much.

“It's a dreadful sight, isn't it?” Vulcan asked drolly. “I may not be gifted with such incredible eyesight like you, but what I've seen when coming to your place was enough for me to be thankful to actually have survived this shit with Yū.”

Niobe could only gulp loudly, her hands holding onto the railing. It was that or trying to rub at her arms as if she was cold—which was ironic, considering how hot it was outside at the moment. She exhaled softly, her lids lowering just a little as she turned to gaze at the young teenager.

“What's going on, Vul?” the pyrokinetic probed gently. “Are you alright?”

He lifted his head to look up at her, intense green eyes staring hard at her. “I should be the one asking you this, you know,” he said, still drolly. “Because you're the one with Third Generation powers who had to use them to put countless Infernals to rest in your father's hometown and this is the second time you had to act, as the Special Fire Force failed to arrive in time. Again. So I'm asking you right now: are you alright, Niobe?”

Niobe faltered under his stare. “I... I don't know how to answer that, Vul,” she admitted truthfully, tracing the lone two-colored curl that hung on her right temple. “There's so much on my mind that I actually have no idea what to latch on and where to start. It's a mess in there, cha-ma-llow.”

“See? That's exactly what I'm feeling at the moment: a gigantic mess I can't even organize for the life of me and the most shocking information I've yet to understand and accept is your recruitment in the Special Fire Force.” Vulcan practically spat the words, disdain contorting his features momentarily as he stood straight. Then utter confusion replaced the disdain. “I don't get it. Why would you... just tell me, Niobe, so I can better understand your reasons to join them. You know they have dealings with Haijima, don't you?”

Through her half-dazed state, Niobe could pick up the genuine concern her childhood friend was feeling, but also the concealed anger beneath the surface. She was no fool, as Vulcan's family had their reasons not to ever get involved with the likes of Haijima Industries and they had everything to do with the shady and distrustful side of this enterprise. By extension, the Joseph family's hatred didn't spare the Special Fire Force and they stood firm with their convictions. Even after Vulcan lost everyone to the flames, he kept standing firm. He does deserve a genuine answer, she thought with a nod as she hopped nimbly on the sturdy railing, her long and toned legs crossed at the ankles.

“It almost seems like I'm betraying the Joseph family's rules, am I not? If you think I really am, allow me to apologize to you, your father and grandfather, Vul,” Niobe said sadly with a slight bow of her head. Then she lifted it back to gaze at those uncertain green eyes. “But let's talk about it together for a moment—no insults, no snarky remarks and screaming, just rational thinking and attempts at understanding. Deal?”

Vulcan mulled it over for a few seconds before nodding, motioning for her to start.

“When I accepted Shinmon Benimaru's proposal to join him, it... didn't feel like actually joining the Special Fire Force. Not at all. Even after the captain of Company 4 came to make that insulting announcement, I could feel his burning rage and hatred directed towards the organization. It was so raw that it was practically rolling off him in waves and trust me, Vul, this isn't something you can overlook. Though he's trying to accept the fact that his Hikeshi Fire Brigade has been inducted, Shinmon Benimaru made it very clear that he'll never allow his new Company to be involved with whatever dealing the other Imperial Forces will be pulled in by the Emperor. Proto-nationalist to the core ever since he was born, so I'm convinced that he'll spit at the old man's face at the first opportunity and refuse to comply with everything. I'm not kidding,” she assured, as Vulcan raised a suspicious brow at her explanation.

“I've heard about the proto-nationalists and their hatred towards the Empire and the Holy Sol religion, they're fiercely protective of their old Japanese values they don't want to reject,” Vulcan mused, leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed. “I guess they're rejecting the Empire and the Sun God because they must be thinking everything they say is nothing but a load of bullcrap, huh?”

“They do remind me of you, your grandfather and father,” Niobe said with a small and sad smile, flicking the two-colored curl on her temple with her index. “You'd get along with them, Vulcan. But back to the real subject at hand: when I said that I didn't feel like I was joining the Special Fire Force, I meant it. It felt like I joined the District of Asakusa instead, not the Force—Shinmon Benimaru's Hikeshi Fire brigade. I joined Company 7, most certainly the only one that will never bow to the Empire and embrace the Holy Sol.”

Uncrossing her ankles, she made sure to wrap her feet around the bars before bending the upper front of her body backwards until she was seeing the town upside down. This action made Vulcan gasp in surprise and lurch forward to grab onto her legs to steady her, his fingers digging into the soft flesh.

“Damn it, Niobe!” Vulcan growled, breathing in hard. “I know you're a circus freak with crazy acrobatic skills but a warning would have been nice! Don't do that shit again, you scared me half to death!”

“Mmmmmh...,” Niobe hummed as she stretched her arms and spine. She did this for a few seconds before relaxing with a sigh, her arms limp on each side of her head. “That feels better...”

“And don't ignore me!”

“I believe that being a Fire Soldier in Company 7 will be different under Captain Shinmon's rules and views, cha-ma-llow,” she said, her tone airy. “From what I could tell, his opinion about the Special Fire Force, the Empire and the religion won't change the proto-nationalists; they won't abandon their identity just because the Emperor truly thinks he'd done them a huge favor by giving his support. The rest of the Fire Force Companies will remain what they are to my new captain—trash. Trash is trash, but I've yet to see what Company 7 will be like once Asakusa has been rebuilt and their pride restored. This will also be my only opportunity to explore the proto-nationalist origins in me my father is always so proud about, despite us living in the Empire.” She gazed down at the burnt down environment, her expression sullen. “If they ever become anything like the other Companies, I'll leave.”

Vulcan was silent as he stood back, keeping a firm hand on one thigh. Niobe let him muse in peace, lost into the maze that were her own thoughts. She had to nurse them all, organize them so she could finally get to the point of all this, because this was another turning-point in her life that she'd never expected. Her as a Fire Soldier? After all the trouble she'd gone through and the stubborness she'd had to show to avoid being enrolled. It was so surreal that Niobe still couldn't believe it. Yet here she was now, about to enter a new world. Niobe will be moving to Asakusa once she was ready to say goodbye to Shinjuku, her apartment and all the good memories she'd forged there with Karim, her friends from TEIT and Hajiki, and will start over.

This was reality. Her new reality.

It had to sink in, as times were changing for Niobe. She was going through a transition she had no fucking idea as to how to handle it once Company 7 was officially established in the district of Asakusa. There were already many questions with no answer—was she going to fit in? Were they going to accept her just like that? Asakusa would be absolutely nothing like Shinjuku, where the police would take care of street violence and arrest criminals, and the gangs in the proto-nationalist town certainly were no joke. Niobe may have received an insane training from the Raijin of Asakusa, who was also her father, but they'd consider as the newbie who was just innocently strolling by (that was exactly what she'd been doing just two days ago). She still had no idea if they'll actually welcome her and trust her right off the bat, just because she'd helped them out when the Great Fire nearly swallowed their precious town.

I'll have to earn their trust, Niobe accepted as she sighed softly, closing her eyes. She had to try on her own and become a part of both Company 7 and Asakusa.

“Even though I might have more in common with the proto-nationalists, I don't know and don't trust them, so I can't exactly tell you to be careful with these guys,” Vulcan finally sighed. Grasping her oversized T-Shirt, he forcibly pulled Niobe up to have her a little bit more safely seated and didn't let go of said pajamas, even when she was glaring daggers at him for disturbing her. “After Giovanni's betrayal and the Infernalization of Pops and Grandpa, there's no way for me to actually tell if they'll be genuine or bastards towards you. You're the one joining this new Fire Force Company, not me. They'll be a stark contrast from the thugs in Shinjuku.”

“From what Dad told me, thugs practically rule Asakusa and only the strongest that can fight and protect the people could stand up, so yeah,” Niobe chuckled uneasily, darting her mismatched arrowed-eyes to the side. “Their street life must be seriously rough, they're no joke. I have yet to get a taste of it.”

Vulcan snorted, his expression half-mocking, half-serious. “Right, I forgot that your dad was a thug too before he miraculously bought some common sense, earned himself a degree in medicine and became a doctor and a father to the best sister ever. So there's hope for the idiots of Asakusa.”

Niobe had to disguise her laughter into a cough, as Vulcan was beginning to chuckle in silence. The rascal, he did it on purpose! Her shoulders shook with silent mirth and laughter and she almost fell from the railing, her stomach starting to hurt as she kept laughing in silence. Had the genius engineer not casually grabbed her back to pull her up again, she'd certainly have fallen to her death.

“Perhaps, perhaps,” she wheezed, shaking her head. “He was probably an exception and... evolved. It was a tough childhood with a proto-nationalist father, but I believe I turned out alright.”

“Yeah, he raised you good and did his best. He's also done good by taking me in after Pops and Grandpa's death.” He smiled wistfully, his gaze now holding a faraway look. “Can't believe he was so patient towards me after all the tantrums and my attempts at trying to run away...”

The atmosphere suddenly shifted the second Vulcan pronounced these words, jolting Niobe out of her mirth, because they pricked her heart and brought back painful, yet worthwhile memories. Her expression softened considerably, her smile dropped and she didn't hesitate to coax the teenager closer to encase him in her arms. Vulcan practically melt against her with a forlorn sigh, buried his face into her shoulder with his eyes closed and wrapped his own arms around her body. Niobe threaded her long fingers into his short, red hair in a tender stroke and nuzzled his head with her right cheek.

If she could count all the times she'd hugged Vulcan, from childhood to now. It never got old, as Niobe loved him as the brother she'd wished she had; ever since they met years ago when they were children, the two of them had seemed attached to the hip after it was revealed they were both gifted in building things. Their friendship had started there, despite the small age gap between them. He was just so sweet, so alive and bright for his age—as precocious as he was, Niobe had known he'd become someone sought after for his talent and skills. When she'd revealed her Ignition Ability to him, she just loved the way his big, green eyes lit up in excitement and elation. Her own smile had never been this big.

But the horrible day during which Vulcan's father and grandfather both lost their lives to the flames of Infernalization, the young boy became a wreck. It had been so sudden and unexpected that even Kirishima Ashura had looked stunned to hell when he heard about the engineers of the Joseph family he'd known for some time. And Vulcan, poor young and bright Vulcan, tasted the painful realization of this world far too early in his life. He'd shut down, had become withdrawn and wouldn't talk. Niobe remembered the burning rage, the screams and the feral behavior of her friend after her father took him in, as they were imprinted in her mind forever. His harsh words thrown at her had stung, but she'd tried her best not to give in and straight up beat his ass for rejecting her. It had hurt. A lot.

“Let him come to you,” her father had reminded her, wiping her tears after an umptieth argument with an enraged, grieving Vulcan. “You can't force someone who is grieving their loved ones to just talk about their feelings and open their hearts again. They have to come on their own. Let him come to you, daughter.”

Though Niobe had wanted to just hug the young Joseph, she'd headed her father's warning and advice. So she'd waited. Since her father had been drilling his discipline into his daughter, she ought to put them to practice with people and Vulcan had been her first. Long, dreadful weeks later, the boy had stunned her by sneaking into her bed and crying into her arms, begging the girl not to reject him, to forgive him. She did, of course. Niobe had no idea what he'd been going through and couldn't even pretend to understand, but she just couldn't let him drown. Beside Hajiki, Vulcan Joseph was also her childhood friend.

“Thanks for never giving up on me, big sis,” the engineer murmured in her ear. “Thanks for being my anchor for so long.”

Smiling softly, Niobe kissed his forehead.

“Remind me to visit their tombstone, yeah? I do need to tell them as well.”

“Anytime. It's been a while since your last visit...”

[…]

The following days passed with an odd sense of dullness with a tinge of sadness—curtsey of Ren's dramatic antics over Niobe's recruitment in the Force, as he still hasn't accepted that things were about to change drastically. Even Baccarat was quite moody, scowling more than Karim and being more bad-tempered than the Fire Soldier—and that was actually hard to beat! Even Wone Wone Nyine could be put to shame with her brooding. Though Niobe had tried to get her to talk, she'd just say that she'd get over it and find ways to accept this new predicament.

“Maybe you had it coming?” Bo tried with a hesitant smile, her arms wrapped around Niobe's shoulders. “It might be a good thing, you know: TEIT sustained some serious damage and has shut down until further notice, so no working on our projects anytime soon and classes are suspended. And... we also lost lives there.”

She'd heard of it. The social network of TEIT was flooded with posts of their students, varying from pictures of burnt down areas to heartbreaking pictures of the students that had lost their lives in the inferno. Some of them were in Niobe's year group, which had made her feel empty and horrible for a good part of an entire afternoon. Not only had their institute been seriously touched by the Great Fire, but the mere possibility of losing so many of innocent and young people hadn't eluded her; it would have been wishful and foolish thinking to actually pray to be spared of any casualties, especially after the disaster last year, but Niobe knew it still would have been useless. Scrolling down her feed and looking at the pictures of the smiling students had made her shed more tears, more than necessary.

Goddammit, their resident bio-tech super-genius was among the victims!

The dean of their university had published a post that demanded all students to comment so she could get a headcount of those who'd survived. Although it may not have been the best time to do it, as parents and friends were still in the first stages of mourning and weren't scared to call out the dean for being callous and insensitive, the students had obeyed. In total, a mere hundred of them were still breathing. After the headcount, Niobe had no idea how and if TEIT was going to get back up from this. Parents might decide to pull their children out of school and it would be legit. The shock and grief couldn't suppress the sheer terror people were now feeling following the aftermath.

“My parents and brothers want me home until further notice,” Nyx sighed as he piled Niobe's physics books in a box, forlorn and subdued. “Can't blame them, that was a close one for all of us. Just how overwhelmed are the Fire Soldiers at the moment?”

Niobe lifted her head from the box she was filing to look at the TV with a tired frown. A female journalist was babbling something about the state of the Empire, standing in the usually bustling Shibuya as the camera recorded everything.

“They're almost drowning in paperwork,” she sighed. “Hajiki—who forgot to visit yesterday, of course—told me that the 5th and the 3rd are actively working on the scenes where the mass outbreaks of Infernals were reported, as the scientist teams are more needed for the time being. I don't know if they can find anything to actually explain how there could have been so many Infernals popping out of the blue, but they can try. That said, that doesn't mean that the others are slacking off: Karim is complaining about the paperwork and can't get a break.”

“Can't get a break or... can't come here and help with your move?” Baccarat drawled as she strolled outside with another box of Niobe's belongings.

“Both!” the Third Gen shouted at her.

“Well, he can suck it up!” she shouted back.

She turned back to her task at hand, her features creased. Just like everything else, the move would mark the beginning of a new journey through the unknown; she'd be leaving two years worth of countless memories and good things behind to start a new life in a town she knew nothing about. Niobe was sure in for a surprise and a wild ride, because Asakusa was the place where all the rowdies came to live. Though there was the neighborhood watch to take care of its people, the student was worried about the local gangs and the proto-nationalists who might not accept her at all.

That, as Benimaru had reminded her before she left Asakusa, was reality as well.

From being a simple tourist to actually become one of their own, Niobe mused as she took her box and went downstairs to load it in the truck Ren had rented. Was she ready? No, not entirely. She was a bit freaked out and it was very much valid—she was still an Empire girl to her future captain, so she had to prove herself to him as his sniper and engineer. Hence why she'd started drawing blueprints to build another generator for Asakusa for all the proto-nationalists to benefit from it, as she'd seen that the one they had was not only old and ready to give out, but had actually died for real during the Great Fire. The generator she'd build would cover the whole district of Asakusa and should be powered up by fuel—like fire, for example. Niobe will make it work.

“So, quick question,” Ren trailed off as they got back upstairs. “Are you and Karim broken up for good ooooor are you actually trying to make it last until he takes his vows?”

Huh? Niobe had to make sure she wouldn't trip on her own feet when walking back inside her apartment, because the question threw her off. She sent Ren an incredulous stare, who lifted his hands innocently.

“How is that any of your business, playboy?” she blurted out, stunned. “Do I ask you if any of your fangirls want to have an orgy with you?”

Nyx grimaced in disgust. “Eww, don't fuck up my last afternoon in here with useless lecherous discussions,” he scoffed, strolling past Niobe with a box in his arms.

“Well, you're allowed to do that anytime and until I've managed to seduce you,” Ren chuckled in amusement,  zooming past her to go grab another box in her room. “Which should be easy task now, right? You're a single lady who needs to mingle again and I'm here to help with that.”

Niobe's left eye twitched as she forced herself not to snap at this idiot, who was two jokes away from getting shot with one of her arrows. Clicking her tongue, she hurried to grab Atlas' charger slot to occupy her hands before she got to use her Ignition Ability on the smiling playboy. She didn't want to have this conversation with him, as the man didn't know anything about her relationship with Karim. Nevertheless, this idiot still raised a good point she had discussed with her ex over the phone last night.

What the hell were they right now, if not a couple? One would think that after such passionate embrace following the devastating events of the Great Fire, they'd get back together once more to never break up again, but... somehow, Niobe knew this wasn't happening. Not when Karim was about to take his vows as a Lieutenant Priest and reinforce his faith in the Holy Sol religion. It should be any day now, along with Rekka and Huo Yan.

They had had a beautiful, healthy relationship, but there was no way both would be able to keep their feelings and couple under wraps if they kept going. A secret relationship when everyone in Company 1 knew who she was due to her frequent visits was out of the question—Rekka would rat him out and she didn't trust that damn starry-eyed bastard. It would be so dishonest and selfish of Karim, when Niobe knew he wanted nothing more than devote his faith to good use and be honest. Though her feelings for the punk were still quite strong, she couldn't do that to him. He'd never forgive me if I ever pulled something like this, she thought with a forlorn frown on her lovely face. She couldn't do that to him.

After loading Atlas' charger slot on the passenger seat of the truck, Niobe slowly got back upstairs with a downcast expression that only meant one thing: 'Leave me the fuck alone, I need my head space and my zone'. That was a face she'd made for herself, one that her friends understood very well—they'd seen it when she'd broken up with Karim, so it was best to leave her alone for the time being.

Niobe slumped on a nearby chair with a heavy sigh, suddenly feeling mentally exhausted over everything. It just couldn't get any worse; between her sudden induction in the newest Fire Force Company to the painful realization that her relationship to Karim had finally come to an end, that was a lot of change. That would be hard to accept all of this, but she'll have to. She might have no choice.

“Guys, let's take five,” Niobe called in a sad voice. “Let's just... yeah?”

She didn't have to look up to notice the sympathetic looks her friends were sending her. Groaning, Niobe hid her face from view in her crossed arms, choosing to mope around for a bit.

[…]

It wasn't until Hajiki arrived did she finally lighten up a little. Just seeing his sheepish expression, his street clothes and his smile upon entering her apartment was enough for Niobe to crack a smile and jump in his arms in the same second—she'd literally flown from her chair to land in his awaiting arms, hugging her very first and best of friends. Hajiki returned the embrace just as hard, utterly relieved to see that she was fine and in one piece.

“And here I believed that I could be faster to convince you to finally join me in the 2nd so our duo could be complete,” he complained in a groan, loading another box in the truck.

Niobe smiled as she took a step back to gaze up at him. “The gunslinger and the sniper, huh?” she mused in a soft voice. “Yeah, that would have been nice. Better than having to become a nun in Karim's elite Company.”

“Ouch. Right, you two broke up a little while ago,” Hajiki said in a wince, his expression apologetic as he turned back towards her. “Are you okay?”

“Hmm... I don't know,” she admitted truthfully, strolling to bump shoulders with him. He draped an arm around her shoulders and she wrapped hers around his waist. “To be honest, I'm still trying to juggle and accept everything that has happened so far—my break-up with him, the Great Fire that nearly swallowed us all and this induction in the Special Fire Force. That's a lot to process. Don't get me started about TEIT.”

“Hm. What a mess...”

Niobe's expression fell as she heaved a big sigh, her head on Hajiki's shoulder. “I... I thought I had my life fully figured out before all this bullshit: if I wasn't going to use my pyrokinesis and join the Fire Force, I'd just use my skills as an engineer and live. This was the path I had chosen, even if I was damn good with my powers, and it was fine by me. There were enough Fire Soldiers as it is, why would they need another to burn her life away for others who might not even be grateful for our efforts?” She clicked her tongue in irritation, her elegant brows furrowed. “I'm not even cut out for this crap.”

“And what if you actually are?” Hajiki countered.

“Then I'd have gone against my father's wishes and joined you in the 2nd, Hajiki. I really would have loved to be by your side as your trusted sniper, but the fact that you still bow to the emperor makes me sick. And let's not forget that hoax of a religion, as this is the biggest load of lies I've ever heard.” Niobe sighed, closing her eyes. “I just don't see myself saying 'Látom' each time I've purified an Infernal when I don't even believe in the Sun God. It would be hypocritical of me.” Again.

Hajiki chuckled, bringing her flush to him. She opened big, mismatched eyes to look up at him and blinked in confusion at his slight smile and sad brown eyes.

“Look, it doesn't matter if you don't believe in the Holy Sol or not—honestly, who gives a shit about religious beliefs?” he said as he brought his forehead against Niobe's, getting in her personal space. “I don't. I can't remember the last time I said 'Látom' to the last victim who turned Infernal, all I can believe is that I did some good in relieving the person from the pain. If one small gunslinger like me can make the slightest change in this godforsaken country by purifying Infernals, then that's fine. You can do some good too, Niobe. As a sniper.”

She frowned lightly. “Hajiki, I—”

“I'm not asking to go and win the war against Infernalization for the Special Fire Force, I'm asking you to believe that you can make a difference where you can. Even one is fine, it's still something. You didn't ask for this and I know that, I can't forget it, but this is where you are from now on; your bubble has been burst forever and there's nothing you can do about it. Don't try to create it again. You're a Fire Soldier, Kirishima.” He kissed her forehead. “This is reality, Curls. Time to get used to it, because you'll have to accept it sooner or later.”

She opened her mouth once again to counter with an argument, but closed it after nothing came to mind. For the first time, Hajiki had shut her up and Niobe had no valid argument. He had her cornered and he knew it, judging by the knowing look he was sending her. Gritting her teeth, she averted her eyes with a frustrated expression towards the end of the street.

Just like the fact that she couldn't do anything to reverse Konro's condition, Niobe now also had to accept that her bubble had been burst forever and she could no longer ignore the new calling in Asakusa. The conversation she had with Benimaru over the phone three days ago about the state of the town had unknowingly cemented a strange desire to put her two cents and help however she could with the repairs. While there hadn't been any irritation in her captain's voice, the firm tone he'd used when telling her to come with her stuff as soon as possible made it sound like that he really needed her there. Hajiki is right, Niobe realized with a start and blinking mismatched eyes, I kinda do want to make a difference somewhere.

Only where she could. Where was Asakusa, the town that could have been her hometown had her father chosen to get back there when—she shook her head, threading a distressed hand in her curls.

“Think I still got time before having to head back,” Hajiki mused, taking a look at the time on his watch.

Niobe flicked his forehead with a click of her tongue. “Day off, remember?” she reminded him with a small frown. “How could you forget that? I'm gonna hog your attention and time until I'm fully settled in Asakusa, Gunslinger.”

“Damn, you missed me a lot, didn't you Hawk-Eye?” Hajiki said, bringing her back in his arms.

“More than you think, Gunslinger.”

[…]

Once the last box was loaded and the truck ready to leave, Niobe took one last good look at her empty apartment. Now that most of her stuff was gone, it seemed... bigger. Sadder. There had been so many precious memories in this place, with her friends from TEIT, Hajiki, Vulcan and Yū... and Karim. Oh, all the things that happened inside these walls shall never be forgotten. The sleepovers, the parties, the birthday sex with her sexy ex-boyfrind—Niobe would have to start over from now on. She sighed, blinking back some tears, and finally closed the door behind her with an air of finality. It hurt. Quite a lot.

She turned towards her landlord, who accepted the keys with a kind, yet sad smile. The student returned the smile with a nod, then went downstairs all the while holding her helmet. Her friends were already waiting in front of the moving truck, sporting encouraging smiles. Hajiki was leaning against his own motorcycle and nodded to her, confidence shining in his brown eyes. Niobe stopped in front of them, inhaled, then exhaled. A small smile graced her full lips afterward.

“'Kay, let's roll, yeah?” she asked, flicking one curl on her shoulder before putting her helmet on.

“Yeah!” they all chorused.

One last longing look towards her building and Niobe wrenched herself from the view to straddle her motorcycle. As she started the engine, she took a moment to appreciate the familiar purring of her beloved vehicle, nodded at Hajiki and Ren before taking off and leading the way towards Asakusa. The Gunslinger was right behind, with the truck following suit. As she sped through Shinjuku, she wondered if Benimaru and Konro had been able to get any sleep or get to the point that what happened days ago would forever be imprinted in their minds and lives. Especially Benimaru. The guilt might remain, but they still had to move forward. They had to move on.

This is reality too, Niobe thought.

[…]

Tokyo, Asakusa

Niobe had no idea how, but the twins were the first ones to notice her arrival at the gates of Asakusa—at the gates—and charged at her with beaming faces.

“You're back!” Hinata and Hikage exclaimed as they both jumped on her, latching onto her neck.

“Whoa!” Niobe swayed on her feet a little, but managed to regain her balance on her toes. “Easy, girls! Were you lurking around just to see if I was going to arrive?”

“Of course!” they both chorused with wide smiles. “Waka told us to wait for you at the gates and tell him once you got here.”

Niobe frowned lightly, putting her helmet down. “Waka” meant 'young master', which would be fitting for a lord, a prince or a king. And since Asakusa had just been inducted into the Special Fire Force as its newest Company, then 'Waka' could only be one person.

“Who's Waka?” Baccarat asked curiously, getting closer to the trio.

Huffing, Niobe sent her brooding friend a compassionate smile with a sweatdrop. “My guess? Benimaru himself. The townspeople have been told that their district has been turned into a jurisdiction and their Hikeshi brigade has become the Special Fire Force Company 7, so they've accepted their leader.” She tickled the girls into getting off her, looking down at the twins once they'd landed safely on the ground. “And where is Benimaru right now?”

Hinata and Hikage motioned towards the inside of the town. “He's helping everyone with the rebuilding at the moment,” Hikage said.

“But he said he'd see you at the guardhouse,” Hinata added. She smiled happily, jumping up and down in tandem with her sister. “Are these weirdos your Imperial friends?”

Hikage pointed at Nyx with her covered finger. “This one looks so stupid with his chin tattoo!”

Ren sputtered at the twins with wide eyes, scandalized, while all the others gaped incredulously at the smiling girls. Niobe had to turn her head the other way and cover her mouth to avoid her laughter from bursting out. They just couldn't be polite even once towards others, could they?

Hajiki sent her a flat look, unimpressed. “They're adorable, alright,” he drawled. “Did you conveniently forget to tell us how rude they could be?”

“Please complain to Benimaru, he's their teacher unaware of his bad influence,” she said, grinning apologetically before moving to the truck. “Cute, but outrageously rude, cha-ma-llow.”

“And your new captain is even worse? Damn it, Niobe, what the hell have you gotten yourself into?” Ren lamented as he swooped in behind the sniper and hugged the girl tightly. “You really couldn't have accepted Captain Hague's offer? At least you would have been closer to Shinjuku!”

Niobe huffed in slight irritation. Lifting her arms, she slid out of his unwanted embrace to a crouching position before making two cartwheels to circle the playboy and end up behind him, her back to his. Then she promptly kicked him in the ass with a satisfied smile. He lost his balance with a squeak and gracelessly crashed against the truck, slowly sliding down. Hinata and Hikage giggled in amusement, entertained.

Hajiki clicked his tongue, moving to drag Ren away from the truck. “Okay, enough with this nonsense and let's start emptying the truck with the boxes,” he ordered. “Each grabs one and follows Niobe all the way to the guardhouse and to her room. We're gonna be here for a while.”

“Yes, sir!” Bo exclaimed, saluting him with a bright smile.

“Get up, unlucky playboy!” Baccarat groaned as she slapped Ren in the back of his head. “And you might at least receive a hug for helping our archer move in.”

When Ren's green crinkled and his sullen expression shifted to a more hopeful one, almost everyone sighed at his sudden burst of energy and decided that it was best to keep it going while it lasted.

After Atlas activated himself to help out too, Niobe took her first box and led each one of her friends through the town, with Hinata and Hikage in tow babbling their ears off with various questions. Bo indulged them happily while Baccarat sometimes intervened with questions of her own, inquiring about everything in Asakusa. Their group garnered some attention from citizens that were helping rebuild the town, especially from the Hikeshi soldiers; the gazes were wary and cautious at first, but when some Hikeshi recognized Niobe among them, their faces lit up with relieved smiles.

“Taka no Me, you came back!”

“Thanks again for helping us back then!”

“Your eyes are a gift, Taka no Me!”

“Welcome to the Seventh!”

Upon hearing the praise and thanks, Niobe groaned low into her throat and attempted to hide her gaze and blush with her hair. Why were they reminding her of her so-called exploits in here? Why? She didn't want these accolades and this praise. And—how the hell did they call her?

“That's actually the nickname I gave you years ago, only in its Japanese translation,” Hajiki chuckled, smiling teasingly at her. “It suits you. Guess you're stuck with it.”

“Very accurate too,” Nyx agreed smoothly.

Hinata snickered, her golden eyes crinkling. “Waka said it would be best to give you a nickname that matches with your pyrokinesis, so here you go,” she said.

“You better love it, Niobe,” Hikage laughed happily. “Because we'll call you Taka no Me from now on.”

“And we're not taking any complaints!” they finished together.

“Hmm, I see,” Niobe grumbled sarcastically as they neared the guardhouse. “While I'll try to get used to this new name, how about you tell me about Konro? How has he been?”

Speaking of the devil, the man himself appeared as he pushed aside the royal blue curtains to get out. Since it was her first time seeing the Hikeshi after weeks, Niobe had to suck in a breath as her eyes took him in. As he was wearing a brand new uniform—the pants he was wearing had the blue stripes she'd seen many times on Karim—that must have been sent from the Empire, Konro had his shoulders covered in bandages, all the way down to his hands. Though he was also covered up, Niobe couldn't help but notice the fatigue in his dark eyes, the long scar that marred his features and the shadows surrounding his sockets.

Even the mightiest could still fall.

However, all signs of fatigue seemed to vanish the second he caught sight of her and his smile lit up his whole face. “Well, look who has finally shown up once again to settle,” he chuckled, coming closer to ruffle her curls.

“Konro, you're okay!” Niobe exclaimed in relief, her mouth opening into a wide smile. Then it fell and she frowned. “Should you be out of bed? You better not strain yourself.”

“It's been weeks, Niobe, I've had plenty of rest,” he countered, snatching her box from her hands. “So long as I don't overexert myself, I can actually manage menial tasks. Your father said so.”

Still, Niobe wouldn't give up and scowled at him. “No cheating, then—that's my stuff!” she said before turning tail and jogging back towards the truck, Hinata and Hikage running behind her.

Many perplexed and amused gazes trailed after them, Konro only snorting and shaking his head before he headed back inside the guardhouse.

“All of you, follow me,” he motioned to Niobe's friends. “Let's put her stuff into her room and lab before she comes back to heckle me into induced coma.”

Baccarat perked up. “She'll have her own lab? You managed to arrange an entire room big enough for her future creations? Cool.”

“Beni said that she needed 'a room at least as big as her afro' to contain all of her.”

As they followed the Hikeshi through the guardhouse, all four friends shared disbelieving looks. Did her new captain really say that about her hair? That man wanted to get mauled.

She's going to impale him, was all they thought with a sweatdrop.

[…]

“You have too many books, Taka no Me!” Hikage complained.

Niobe snorted, taking the physics book the little girl was handing her. “I kind of need them for my studies?” she chuckled, a brow raised at Hikage's pout. “I should introduce you to the world of physics and maths, just to annoy the hell out of Benimaru.”

“He'll probably burn your books to ashes if you do that,” Konro remarked as he shuffled into the room, another box in his hands. “These two runts are already too much of a handful for us, we don't need them to become nerds.”

Hinata and Hikage rounded up on the large Hikeshi, their pouting more prominent. “Call us runts again and we'll smooch you, Konro!” they chorused together, their cheeks puffed up.

Niobe, Nyx and Ren all turned to stare at the twins, shocked to hell that both would actually talk this way to the lieutenant of their Fire Force Company. While Konro merely rolled his eyes and looked unfazed, the three friends looked at each other in complete disbelief. Well, Niobe wasn't that much surprised anymore, but still—these two had some serious balls. She had to shake her head to turn back towards her bookshelves, her eyes wide.

“Oh, man,” Ren muttered to Nyx, a sweatdrop on his right temple. “These two are too extreme, much more than my own sisters.”

Nyx nodded, his expression now annoyed. “They're lucky Bo has run out before she could even hear that,” he muttered back before speaking louder. “I think you're in for a wild ride with this lot, Niobe. And if their captain is even worse...”

“And I'm not going to apologize for it.”

Snorting silently, Niobe had to hide her smile behind her hand as she heard Ren sputtering in shock while the girls greeted their leader with a cheerful “Ah, Waka!”. Such unapologetic tone was sure to give one hell of a first impression to her Imperial friends. Standing up on her legs, she finally turned towards her new captain with a crooked smile and saluted him the right way—legs joined, hands tied behind her back and her head slightly bowed.

“Cha-ma-llow, Benimaru!” Niobe chirped.

He nodded at her, his Tic-Tac-Toe eyes surveying her form. “That catchphrase of yours is seriously weird... but anyway, glad to see that you didn't back out before you could even see that lab of yours, Taka no Me,” Benimaru drawled.

Mismatched arrowed-eyes gleamed in excitement and she smiled wide. “Is it ready? Is it?” she asked, practically bouncing on her feet.

“Yeah, and you better thank me for clearing one room to contain an ego the size of that afro of yours.”

Niobe's face became blank and she blinked up at him. Twice. Benimaru smirked in challenge.

The next second, Nyx, Ren and Konro had to restrain her from shooting an arrow through his smug skull, while the Hikeshi merely stood there, smirking at her and his eyes crinkling in light amusement. Hinata and Hikage were cheering in the background as well, clearly dying to see some excitement.

[…]

“I'm not talking to you,” Niobe grumbled a few minutes later as she padded behind Konro, cradling a box.

“Heh. That was a funny reaction you had,” Benimaru snickered right behind her. “I should try this more often just to see how you're going to react.”

“I'm not talking to you,” she repeated stubbornly. But she turned back towards him, glaring at her new captain with glowing mismatched eyes. “And be careful with my stuff, will you? I'll never forgive you if you mess it up before I get to fully move in.”

“I thought you weren't talking to me?” Benimaru teased, leaning down to tower over her. “Already going back on your word, Taka no Me?”

Her scowl deepened. “Cha-ma-llow, just how much more annoying can you get? Konro, how do you put up with him?” she asked, hurrying behind the larger Hikeshi. “You need to smack him beside the head a little more often, he's getting on my last nerves.”

“You think I don't do that? Even I get tired of smacking his head because he's too stubborn to actually stop,” Konro countered. “Gotta have to get used to him. Look, there you go.”

He slid open two shōji doors, revealing a wide space. Niobe's eyes gleamed as she took in what would be her new lab; while it wasn't as big as the one she had at TEIT, it would do just fine. There was even a metallic table, big enough to hold a lot of material and certainly sturdy to support the weight. More than fine. All she needed to do was set up her stuff, finish the blueprints for the new generator and start hunting for the material. Putting her box down, she spread her arms wide.

“This is perfect, guys!” she exclaimed, her smile big as she took two steps forward. Stars in her eyes, she just looked around. “Just perfect! Now I can actually start thinking about deadly traps to prevent Fire Soldiers from other Companies! Maybe I should get started on the giant spider robot to—”

Someone whacked her beside the head hard enough to keel over forward.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, damn it!” she exclaimed, crouching down to cradle her head with wide eyes. “The hell was that for, Tic-Tac-Toe?!”

Benimaru snickered again. “That wasn't me,” he retorted, mirth lacing his tone.

She swiveled on her heels to stare up at Konro in muted disbelief, whose dark eyes reflected a slight puzzlement as he held up his fist.

“Why?” she demanded. “Did my dad put you up to this?!”

“Of course he did,” the older Hikeshi confirmed. “And I can definitely see why now. That mind of yours can be seriously lethal when you get carried away in ideas for your inventions, so he actually gave me a list of solutions to counter each crazy thought you're spouting. Very useful.”

“And you actually kept that list?!” She jumped to her feet, glaring up at her lieutenant. “Why?”

Konro lifted a brow at her. “I never thought I'd need it, since it sounded like a joke your father would make, but I'm more shocked to find out that he was serious.” He frowned at her, looking stern. “He told me about the many spider robots you'd built and what you did with them. Especially to those Fire Soldiers.”

Benimaru's crimson eyes crinkled in curiosity. “What? What did you do to those Imperial lapdogs?” he asked. He mirrored her smirk as she nursed her sore head. “Tell me and I might actually consider letting you build a small spider robot.”

“Waka, don't encourage her!” Konro warned.

“Careful, Captain Shinmon,” Baccarat snickered as she swooped in behind them, a box in her arms. “That story with the Fire Soldiers is infamous among all Companies and some of them are still bitter about it.” Her gaze settled on Niobe. “Yo, chief! Where is it going?”

“Just put it on the side, I'll take care of it myself,” Niobe instructed, before focusing on Benimaru with crinkling eyes. “So what happened was...”

[…]

He smiled, Niobe thought as she set up and bustled around her new lab. And he even snickered many times while listening to her story, his crimson eyes crinkling. She didn't know Shinmon Benimaru as well as the people of Asakusa or Konro himself, but the sight of the young man smiling and snickering at the details of her story had stunned her. The smile, though it was very small, had been there and it had been as if the sun had shone on them all. Bo had looked awestruck and there may have been hearts in her eyes—Niobe couldn't blame her, her captain was a gorgeous man. The ladies in his town loved him.

After the Great Hell that hit Asakusa and nearly destroyed it, Benimaru could use a serious breather. So it was actually to see him smiling, even if it was short-lived. Niobe had no idea he could smile like this, because it reminded her of Karim. Both had a cold demeanour she was familiar with, but it was a protective front for Benimaru; he'd gotten so used to never sharing his feelings about the most hurtful things in his life that he must have issues with opening up to people.

Konro, though he'd tried his best not to burst out laughing along with her friends and look severe, told her that their captain had secretly missed her. Yeah right, was what she said when setting up her computer.

“He might not show his inner feelings often but he did,” the Hikeshi had assured her with a hand on top of her afro. “He did miss you. You can talk to him if you don't believe me, Niobe, because I don't think he'll let you go for a while.”

Maybe I should have called more often to annoy him, Niobe thought with crinkling eyes, taping up the periodic table to the wall. Or she could have just visited to help a little with repairs, either way could have worked just to check up on the stubborn man. Though they'd have been busy with repairs, Benimaru could have probably appreciated a good break (certainly not the ride she owed him, that's for sure). Yup. He would have.

Once the huge poster was all taped up, Niobe smiled widely, then executed two perfect somersaults to land on the metallic table on a handstand. She propped herself up on her index and middle finger and crossed her stretched legs at the ankles, then looked up at her work with shining eyes. Her new lab in Asakusa now looked like her own back at TEIT—a bit of blue and green, a rug underneath the table, her stuff and tools, a window to enjoy the scenery outside. Niobe was good to go.

“You better not snap your neck, Taka no Me,” a deep voice drawled. “or I'd be seriously disappointed to not get what I want from you.”

Niobe snorted, glancing at the doors to see Benimaru standing at the entrance. “I'm a certified circus freak, I'll have you know,” she retorted. “Meaning that I'm an expert contortionist. There's no way I'll break my body apart so soon in my life.”

“If you say so. Here, that's your new uniform,” he said as he walked in to dump her clothes on the table. “Everyone else has theirs, so we've saved this one for you. Since you're the only woman in our Company, a seamstress can alter it so it can... hug your figure. Her words, not mine.”

Slowly but gracefully lowering her legs so she could sit on the table, Niobe gave Benimaru a knowing look as the Hikeshi stared unabashedly and pointedly at her chest. Even with a size Large hoodie, her breasts still pushed against the fabric—not like she could do anything about it, it just grew. Blame the growth spurt. Clearing her throat, Niobe regained her captain's attention and was glad his jaded Tic-Tac-Toe eyes focused on her face once again.

“That smile of yours is beautiful to witness, you know,” she said casually.

If he was expecting some kind of compliment from her, Benimaru certainly couldn't hide his surprise as he stared at her, blinking twice. Niobe crossed her legs with a soft smile.

“And also very nice to look at, if you want my honest opinion,” she added, taking her uniform to inspect the clothes. “Thanks for the uniform, but I'd rather it stays that way so it can be comfortable while I'm—”

“I'm glad you're here,” Benimaru cut her off.

The words were spoken so low that she almost didn't catch them. Taken aback, the sniper looked up to find her captain bypassing the table to stand right in front of her. When he hooked her with his eyes, Niobe found herself unable to look away and his expression even shut her up; there was so much he was showing at the moment that she couldn't speak. Benimaru looked... vulnerable. The gloom and sadness were warring in his unique Tic-Tac-Toe eyes, reflecting his inner torment.

Niobe dropped her uniform, swallowing the lump in her throat. Benimaru shook his head.

“Don't,” he almost growled aggressively at her. “Just... don't.”

“Okay,” Niobe murmured, nodding slowly.

His gaze slid from her face down towards her right shoulder and remained there. Faster than she'd thought, he caught her forearm to pull her off the table and flush to him.

She caught herself by planting her palms on his chest, eyes wide. “Huh? Wait, what are you—”

Benimaru clicked his tongue, annoyed. Niobe surprisingly shut up, looking up at him just as he was looking down at her. His gaze was intense, almost burning right through her, and rooted her in place. You better not go anywhere, was what his eyes were conveying. One of his arms snaked round her waist to prevent her from moving away, tightening just a little when she tried squirming and contorting. Although everything in her wanted to push him away, due to her lingering feelings for Karim, Niobe didn't have the amount of strength needed to carry out her will. And something in his action seemed... familiar.

His free hand reached up to pull down the zip of her hoodie, allowing her clothed chest to breathe, and bared her right shoulder by pulling down both the hoodie and the straps of her black tank top and bra. That was when the memories came back to Niobe, whose features fell and body relaxed. Is he... Just as she thought, Benimaru lowered his mouth to her collarbone and bit into it. In a gentle way for the time being.

There was nothing sexual in this biting at all, considering how emotional he'd been when he did it first, but it still made Niobe jolt against him. She gasped softly, but didn't move. On the contrary, she slid one hand up to cup the nape of his neck with a solemn expression. With a sound in his throat, Benimaru slowly brought them down to their knees, forcing Niobe to straddle his legs and sit on him while he settled for a cross-legged position on the rug. The position might be compromising to everyone else who will intrude, but she just... couldn't care at the moment.

“I'm here,” Niobe murmured in his ear, carding her fingers into his smooth hair. “And I'm staying. Ya hear? I'm here to stay, Benimaru.”

He tightened both arms around her waist and his fingers dug into her sides almost painfully. He bit even more into her collarbone. Niobe hissed a little, grasped his shoulder in slight retaliation, but never pushed him away and even melted against him. They both needed this.

Outside the lab, Konro nodded to himself with a relieved and silent sigh before stalking off with the grace of a cat.

[…]

Bonus:

“Niobe, why are you so overdressed? This hoodie is covering up the female body of my wildest fantasies, it's a crime and you should take it off!” Ren whined, sulking in the living-room of the guardhouse. “And where's my hug?”

Nyx shook his head at him, unimpressed. “Man, you're lucky Karim isn't here to hear your complains,” he drawled. “And he and Niobe broke up, because you would be in the gutter and beaten to a pulp. Don't you ever give up?”

“Ever heard of the saying 'Never give up on your fantasies'?” Ren replied.

“Since you probably just made that up, sadly I didn't,” Nyx snickered.

Benimaru glanced at Niobe, who was sitting next to Konro and talking to—annoying—the large Hikeshi, along with Bo and the twins. The moment they'd shared in her lab flashed in his mind once again, vivid and so tender. Intimate even, because only them knew the meaning of the bite on her collarbone.

I should have blackmailed her to ride me there, he thought idly, biting into a daifuku before scowling.

“It's too sweet,” he groaned.

“What is?” Ren perked up.

april 20, 2024 — secret garden language

im in the hospital in a waiting room

my thighs are sweating, the air hot and stuffy

its too early in the morning to feel like noon

thoughts of you are the only thing keeping me steady

my music flows smokey, the album's nice

messy poetry, paradox hearts & minds

weeds on my back, sick of putting you first

its ok to love him more, my heart's seen worse

i hope the 6 year old garden was fun

the fruits of your seed and spring has begun

so for the first time in forever

abatinas and cyclamens bloom in my weather

and when winter comes, what will you do?

will another bloodthirsty creature welcome you too?

will you drain them of life and trick them like a fool?

goodluck on the run, my laugh's one haunting ghoul

— reddestofscarves, 11:00 pm.

01

The void beckons to the faulted.

Note To Society #20

Pedophelia is wrong. It is a serious issue, and if we keep normalizing and being accepting of this disgustingness, than we’re going to forget the fact that we are talking about the well-being of children, whom we seem to care quite a bit about when it comes to transgender people using the bathroom and abortion. This is much more important than either of those things, and we all seem to be overlooking that.

It's pride month, so:

I'm agender, omnisexual and possibly polyamorous (single atm)

I'm fine with any pronouns and I also use fae/faer and vamp/vampself neopronouns (with a little bit of a he/they preference)

🖤🩶🤍💚🤍🩶🖤

Happy gay month to all my LGBTQ+ followers

“Ho amato così tanto alcune persone che cercavo di capirle anche mentre mi ferivano.”

[K.Reeves]

Life (Idk how to title this)

My first real post is gonna be heavy. Just a warning. I'm finally going to write this post. I needed to wrap my head around it and distance myself from it slightly. Things like this honestly hit me harder than I like to admit, it’s hard for me to know someone I had so much love and respect for is gone. It’s even worse when it’s through cancer like Alan Rickman or suicide like so many, now including Chester Bennington. I’ve always had a love for Linkin Park, it honestly helped me through a lot of personal demons. So it’s even harder for me since his music helped me not do exactly what he ended up doing. This has got to open a much needed dialogue of mental health and the reality of depression. I know it’s not easy to try to truly understand something as complicated as depression when you have never experienced it, but it’s necessary for progress. You don’t have to understand every little thing about it, but what you must do is open your eyes to the truth that it isn’t something that can be fixed by smiling, putting up a front. The only thing that does is make it harder for people to hear your screams for help, they think you only want attention, when what you really want is someone to try to help you, have someone reach out to you. You might never understand the power of a simple interaction of care, but as someone that has depression, I know how beneficial it can be to have someone simply smile at you or compliment you. No that won’t cure of us of this illness, but it might help us hold on long enough to finally begin to heal and turn our life around. Depression isn’t fake, despite what people might think, if you haven’t learned that by now looking at all the beautiful people that have ended their lives thanks to this monster that is constantly belittling us, beating us down, I really don’t know how to get you to understand. Everyone keeps saying I had no idea, none of us were expecting it, but actually go back through their music and it’s not like he’s hiding his serious struggle within himself. No one likes to acknowledge the problem/truth until it’s too late. And that just worsens the pain for people like me, the ones that know the truth and try to get others to understand it. Depression is a real thing, it terrible and hard to handle, but with help we can all begin to heal and keep going forwards even while the beast that is depression is trying to pull us back and down. People tend to only see what they want to, so they will look past obvious struggles of others around them. I get it, I do, I’m not trying to offend anyone, or make it seem like it’s your fault, it isn’t but you could save a life, I just want you to realize that. It’s really important to try to see things from others point of views, that way you can understand more and just maybe try to help them. I know how easy it is to just walk by and ignore the person that is struggling, but what is easy isn’t always right. I want to impress upon you all the importance of doing the right thing in this situation, you could help someone hang on long enough to actually keep going. I’m not pretending to know everything or make it seem like a saint, I just want to make people see. I definitely have tried everything to help as many people as possible though. I’m the type of person that will bring all the struggling people together and try to help them build themselves up again. I grew up around it and I think that is part of the reason that I’m more than willing to bend over backwards to help others living with this and other really difficult illnesses. My brother and I both have had depression since we were young, so I’ve spent a lot of my time trying to help him keep his head above the water, though I’ve almost lost him at least twice that I know of. He’s my big brother, I can’t lose him, so seeing it in him helps me help myself and many others. I will never give up on someone, no matter the situation, I’ll try everything in my power to help in any way that I possibly can. Yes I do thing like this to help others, but it also helps me with my own depression, we all have different way of dealing with our depression, they’re not always healthy, but they’re our way of pushing forwards against the odds. I’m not condoning nor am I judging the way other people deal with their depression, I have no right to judge considering I use to cut myself and the only reason I can say I use to is that I haven’t done it in over a month. Thing are difficult there is no sugar coating it. This shit is hard and it takes a lot of work to keep going, but I promise the effort will be worth it. Things will suck, but things will also be amazing beyond belief, so you just have to find a way to keep going. There are a million ways to deal with it, you can be like me and help others, you can be like others and turn it into some form of art, you can find something that drives you, you can lean on people, or something else that might help you. I definitely don’t claim to have all the answers, no one ever does. But I promise that I’ll be by anyone’s side when they need me, no matter what it takes. I know the pain of going against this monster alone, I don’t want anyone to feel that way. You’re not alone, you are never alone, someone out there is supporting you, whether you know it or not. Any of you reading this need someone to talk to I will be there in a heartbeat. Another thing I want to say is there is either a stigma about actually taking medication to help or deciding it’s best for you not to take the medication. If you are one of the ones that feel like you need to take the medication, good for you, you do what’s best for you. Never let anyone tell you that it’s not okay to be taking care of yourself, you might only need it for a short period of time or you might need it for years to come, but either way that’s okay it’s your journey to recovery and no one can tell you how to take it. And alternatively if you feel like it’s better for you not to take medication, then that’s okay too. Some people don’t do better on the medication, other things might help them, like certain vitamins or exercise or other activities that may help you move forwards. Like I said before this is YOUR journey, you decide what’s best for you in the long run, you can listen to people’s advice, but in the end you're the one with the final say. As long as you’re trying to get better, you do you. Take care of yourself the way that works best for you, you might have to try a whole bunch of things until you find what works, but it’s worth the effort. Taking a step in the right direction is the first milestone on your trek to overcoming this beast that’s trying to drag you down. Don’t let it, it won’t be easy, but it’ll be more than worth it. There are people that care and want you to get better, and honestly I do care 100% I’m that person that really cares about anyone, unless they do something I can’t look past (which honestly isn’t much). Truthfully you need someone I’m always willing to talk. The door is always open I guess you can say. And to show you that it isn’t only my brother that I constantly try to help so you believe me when I say you can reach out to me. My bestfriend that I had all through middles school and half of high school until he left and cut ties, was severely depressed and many times came to me to talk him out of taking his life, I did it every time without fail, no matter what he did or how many fights we got into, truly I was always there for him and he knew it. Not once did I hesitate to care for him, even when we dated and he cheated on me with a close friend, nothing change the simple fact I would do anything to help him. Along with him and other friends I’ve had like him, my boyfriend is depressed, extremely so, I do worry for him. But I believe that together we can find a way for him to survive this last year that he has to spend in the place that makes him the most unhappy. After that we’ll find a way to keep the progress going. I knew getting into this relationship that he had depression, did I know how bad it was? No I did not, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m more in love with him than I thought possible. He is an amazing beautiful human being, being depressed doesn’t change that fact. It just adds more layers to the man I love. Never think that being depressed ruins you or your appeal, you are all beautiful human beings and you are worth the world and so much more. I know that’s hard to believe but it’s the truth. You are all incredible and I believe in you. You will find a way to get through this. You will overcome this. You will find a way to be happy. The depression might never fully leave you, but you definitely lessen its hold on you. There has already been so much loss and death, we don’t need anymore. Please reach out to someone, even if it’s me when you feel like ending it. I promise you it’s not worth it to end it all. There is still so much for you to accomplish and see. Don’t give up. Never give up, never surrender. You are beautiful incredible and needed. Keep that in mind please. People love you people care for you and people want you to survive this monster. Even if you don’t think that people do, they do, hell I do. I’m telling you the truth I’m more than willing to lend an ear or a shoulder to anyone that needs it. Please take me up on that if you need someone. I care about each and every one of you. I guess I should end this here, but just know I’m always here and I care about all of you.

Y'all can make Bee as hot as you want, the real reason I thirst for her is how she treated Loona at the party.

Now, THAT is what I call hawt.

I loved her outfit in Mastermind, she’s just so cool.

I finished the southern reach trilogy can you tell