Arcane Angst - Blog Posts

Lavander Petals

Vi x Fem!/Pronouns Reader

Words: 4,310

Summary: Life took everything from you that tragic night. Years have passed and the ghosts of your past knock on your door unearthing intense feelings, could you forgive? Let go?

Written Curse: Use of (__)! Second person! I'm not an english native speaker so I support on translators!-- It took too long to write this. anyway, i wanted to do my own version of Vi and Reader reunited--This happens after the end of the season! See ta Darlings!

Your eyes feel heavy, heavier and heavier as time goes by, so many years and still the pain has not shed the veins of your heart. There are even times when you believe that everything was part of your imagination, from the need to love and appreciate that in the end you ended up more hurt. Or maybe it was all real and that would make it worse, you don't know it anymore you don't know anything, you've never known anything and that hurts more.

Are you crazy? No, no, no. Of course not… or that's you want to believe, maybe, it’s all a bad dream, a bad thought that took too much control of your life and even they still are by your side. Playing a bad prank while you sit on the bench, your elbows resting on the bar that was just cleaned, your hands on your jaw and cheeks that conform to the pressure of these, your lost look on the liquors on the shelf and so on, your legs spread out for being very close to the bar when your feet rest on the metals under the chair. Your sense of hearing absent in the moment, focusing on the illusion of their loss.

When night falls and a new life begins, yours comes to rest. Your eyelids still for a long time now prevent you from having to recognize that you are totally alone and always will be, tomorrow will continue and will until the same luck knocks on the door of your little dwelling. But why would it be today if it was not before?

The morning rests everywhere, penetrating even the thin layer of skin of your face, with a rhythmic touch you began to wake up. Some noises were leaking into the almost empty room and helped you to take a more energetic attitude.

When you got out of bed you stretched your whole body, your legs hanging from the edge, after a few minutes you finally stood and went to get ready for the day, the mirrors in the room covered and your eyes never on the windows... with slow pace you made your way to the bathroom, with the natural light made it feel more hollow, as if the walls were paper and anyone could break them to reveal your naked being. After a few hours you finally left the place, your steps leaving invisible traces where you pass, with a cape and hood that partially covers your face...

When they met you they always made the same comment in some way or another, their smiles and their kind attitude bothered.

"She looks too much like you!" the female voice with surprise examined your face, her eyes wide open, with her legs slightly bent to be at the same height, then, a somewhat hoarse laugh filled your senses, your frowning of discomfort was heading to the man less than 2 meters away with his arms crossed in the form of pride, he simply nodded not before ending that 'actually she looks more like her mother’, everyone simply accepted it and after some more comments they were going to do something else.

So he approached and with his thick arm rested on your shoulders, gave some words to make you feel better, messing with your hair and returned to his work, you jaded without feeling really upset and with no one around you immediately smiled until one hand took yours and carried you with the others while the sounds of talk and glass became just an indistinguishable buzz.

Years and years ago it was like that, right now even if you would give anything for someone to make the comparison you could not stand to see you, you could not let someone else see you. For being the living image of your father.

When the night finally took the city back into its clutches and with your day finished you walk through the dark streets, the occasional lights as a guide back to your loneliness and tormented thoughts. Each step is more difficult than the previous one thanks to both physical and mental fatigue but you need to continue, you must.

For the memory of your family and for your own good. Already in front of the door and with soft movements you take the key out of your pocket and put it in the lock, you open and pass in the main corridor to the house, your pupils dilated to capture as much light as possible in the sea of darkness and groping to turn on the spotlights you guide yourself from the wall. When you turn on the lights and go into the living room you sit in the old sofa and torn from some parts.

You inhale and take the aroma of moisture as well as the dust settled in some corners, squint your eyes and hear the small squeaks from outside, but this condition does not last anything thanks to a few blows on the door. Somewhat surprised by this you turn your head a little and you only observe the door darkened by the little light that comes to it, not long after the sound is repeated but with greater intensity and less time intervals between each blow.

Slowly you get up and walk toward the door, back in the hallway, your hand moves toward your back pocket and firmly grabs the knife that rested there. You bend so that your eye is at the same height as the peephole and focus, the only thing visible were two silhouettes and nothing else; no details. Nothing. For this reason you tighten the handle of the knife even more without responding or making another movement. One of the two figures moves more than the other due to the blows it gives while the other seems weak to give the impression that its silhouette is leaning on the other.

With squinted eyes you expect them to leave or if they insist, if they try to enter... Your blood is frozen when you hear your name on the other side of the door, the voice is desperate and extremely familiar, your eyebrows are contracting and your grip on the knife makes you feel your hand throbbing as the other little as you are leaning against the door. And again, like an echo, the realization of a heart eroded by pain like a stone before the water again, feels like the exact momement of your disgrace.

Without thinking your hand that is leaning on the door moves to wrap the handle and turns it to open, for an instant three visible figures invade your eyes and everything seems like the first time. You remember standing in confusion when you saw two colorful heads being carried by his two big arms, your gaze ran from top to bottom until his head bowed and raised his eyebrows, with this you moved to allow them to enter.

The person in front of you is the image of that girl whom you loved and lamented so much, the one to whom you dedicated so many sleepless nights and tears thinking that you should have seen her body, to give her a worthy burial like the others, a farewell. Perhaps it is time to accept that you are no longer in your faculties, which is one of the many tricks that your mind plays. But when those pupils meet yours and her hand rests on your arm everything becomes real.

"(__)" you hear the repetition with restlessness, thoughts at a thousand per hour. And all you do is stick to the wall and move the knife arm slightly. Vi notices this, her intermixed expression of feelings and emotions but she looks at her companion and both pass with weakness, being in the middle of the room you close the door, your body trembles, you do not blink fearing the passage of time.

With a warm smile he introduced you to the girls and asked for your help to attend them in the mean time he prepared something for them to drink, the tallest sat in the chair that you were using before waiting for your father, the other; with blue hair like her irises walked all over the bar admiring the details.

You bit your cheek and grabbed another of the chairs that were on the table, and next to the girl you sat and swayed your feet until after a while you started talking, at first she did not talk too much, giving answers of a syllable. On Vander's return, he put the drinks on the table, four in total and grabbed a chair of his own, turned it and leaned on the back of it. He started talking to Vi and Powder to make them more comfortable, some laughs found a place that night as well as a new home for them.

At last you leave the door and walk to the room to see the girls still in the middle as if they did not want to intrude more, when recovering some of your previous stillness you observe them and notice the agitated language of the two. The arm of the dark-haired one fully supported in VI, which only walks to the armchair and helps the other to sit there, her gaze rises until she meets yours again and everything feels real again, "(__)" again says before walking towards you and wrapping you in it tightly "(__)" it sounds like a plague, she separates a little and rests its hands on your cheeks. A strange touch.

"It is you" her swollen eyes fill with tears but the only thing you can do without having completely exited the shock is to blink "Vi?" it comes out on its own and you feel how your eyes are on the verge of being on par with hers, she nods and smiles half-way, tears already fall down her cheeks and with greater force she embraces you again, without another word you open your eyes processing everything that happens and slowly the hand with which you hold the knife drops it to grab her shoulder, your gaze falls for a second on the girl sitting on your armchair but simply rests on Vi’s pink hair.

Tears begin to fall from one moment to another, your whole body clings to hers so as not to let it go again and your senses drown in a great intensity that makes her secure you with words and more tact. In a span of half an hour they finally separate from each other, before you can say anything she turns to the girl, "I need… we need to stay for today" The struggle in her voice is quite obvious "Please" when you see those eyes you can’t say no, figuratively and literally you can’t settle for.

"You can stay here or sleep in my bed" you sigh and rub your jaw to squat and pick up the knife "That’s what I can offer ", she nodded "Thank you, really" and while standing you keep the knife in your pocket and watch the other girl more "Caitlyn, she's Caitlyn" Vi clarifies as you check her body and see the tears, in her clothes; the dirt on her face and her shaken face.

You squeeze the jaw and raise your shoulders "Whatever…" you inhale delicately "Do I take care of your wounds or can you on your own?" you say as you walk to the desolate kitchen, Vi puts her hands in her pockets of her jacket "We can" now an air of some discomfort settles "Where is... well... everything?" she asks and walks to the frame where a door should be to enter the kitchen and lay her arm there. "In the bathroom" as if her presence was the most normal you try not to see her and eat a few cookies "It is better for you to rest" you say and walk until you are face to face "So decide, the sofa or my bed". The urgency in your voice as well as your modes are strange to Vi but she decides to let them go by now "Don’t worry, the sofa will be like a delicacy" you step and see the floor, she moves and you go to the living room.

You walk to your room and grab one of the few bedspreads and come back, you stand next to Caitlyn and stretch the bedspread, she raises her gaze and appreciates your face for a moment "Thank you" she whispers to the grip and put it on the sofa, you notice like tears form in her eyes and her face contracts but she bends her head and puts her eyes on something else. The familiarity of this action makes your eyes show pity but you do not ask when you do not want to worsen the emotions that she's probably feeling "You're welcome" you say flatly biting your tongue "lI'l go to my room" you take a fleeting look at each one before making way to your bedroom, no one answers or moves, just following you with their eyes.

When you close the door of the room you cover your mouth and exhale with fear, this cannot be possible, Vi, alive but, how? As if you had been repressing all your pain, it hits you once more, memories beat and bleed as if there were no tomorrow. You saw your dead father… the others are gone and she was too.

At midnight and somewhat calm you smoked with the windows closed thinking and thinking when the door opened without further do, the brightness of the moon was barely able to discern the new presence but you did not react, too exhausted for that. You just watch and wait but don't talk until a few seconds later, "(__), Can we talk?" Vi whispers but sounds so clear in contrast to the dead silence that remained so the exhalation seemed like a jester but you whisper in confirmation and VI walks to the edge of the bed and takes a seat.

Before she can talk you take that opportunity "Where were you?" You wanted to scream, cry again, smile and hug her for days, feel relief, but the affliction was dominating you. "You were dead" your face begins to contract and your teeth cut your tongue. She closes her eyes and tilts her head with her hands against the bedspread "I know, I’m sorry… I thought I was doing the right thing and in the end I ended up doing more damage, I tried to go back with Jinx, but Marcus…" the emotions seem to be too much.

"And after so many years in that prison. When I left I tried to fix things, I was told that you were gone, even that you were dead" she breathed trembling and you know it by being attentive to the sounds, the view not very reliable at the time but what was allowed to see is how she tries to maintain her composure "Ekko tried to help us but-" what? Ekko what? You press the tip of the cigarette against the ashtray to turn it off and wait for her to finish but she does not. You blow and let go of the last smoke, another emotion invades you, a lasting feeling but embarrassed to admit, even for yourself.

You take the courage to say it out loud, in the end, all this has been very stressful. "I told you to wait for me" you started with a knot in your throat and your lungs burning "I told you to wait, we had everything to go" now you feel your pressure rise and your body moves to try to filter your state. "I know, I know… I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing, I didn’t know what else to do" she hurries to answer and slides to get closer to you, suddenly the room lights up thanks to a ray that announces the rain, there you see her face well and although only for a second it is like that, it is as if it has been engraved in your mind. You turn out your head and close your eyes with tears once again "No, you don’t know Violet" you open your eyes and bite your cheek "I thought they were all dead."

"Seeing that none of you were at home I ran to the damned place" Your words sound drowned and hardly come out with meaning "Only to meet my father’s corpse." you cover your eyes with the hand that previously held the cigarette "I did not even have the courage to see the bodies of others" Vi saw only listen with her heart about to break when imagining such a scene, repentance and guilt whispering inside, forcefully grab your hand, wants to listen, knows that she must.

When she moves his thumb to caress your palm a warmth envelops you slightly, you breathe with deep intention as more tears fall "When I returned, Silco had already taken the place with his followers, I had nowhere to go" you stop talking when you overwhelm yourself with everything, you bow your head, you breathe and breathe. "I had no idea (__)" answered Vi now in front of you and she hugged you again, "I'm sorry" Her hands squeeze your shoulders and take your smell, clinging to a part of her past with hopes that it hasn’t changed but inside she knows it’s impossible, she changed, Jinx changed and so do you.

"I wanted to blame myself, I wanted to blame you" you continue with heaviness "I wanted to blame everyone" you don’t give back the hug "I had a home and from one moment to another I had nowhere to go, I couldn’t even walk without being chased by those damned men and all for being my father’s daughter" the knot in your throat gets tighter "I couldn’t even be with Ekko because of the fear that the same thing would happen to him…" you pull away from VI. Another ray accompanied by thunder takes over the sky and the room lights up and reveals that both are directly seen when the darkness takes up its space "I also died that day" you clench your jaw and your teeth fight against each other "And now, after all this time you return without more?", "After years of crying thinking that I had turned my back on my family and that they had died because of that, you just knock on the door and bring an Enforcer asking for a place."

"It's not like that" Vi says and puts his hands on each shoulder "Then how is it?" Now you are the one who approaches "I wanted to look for you before", "And why didn’t you do it?" even though Vi understood your emotions, she couldn’t help but be frustrated by how you were behaving now "Because I looked for Po… Jinx, because I had to help Caitlyn and things happened" she says determined and moves her hands a little while they are still on your shoulders but you take them off with your arms, "And did you think it was a good idea to appear without further ado?" Vi buff when you stood up from the bed "I had no other choice (__), understand it" this for some reason makes you angry and you put your hands together creating fists "Option? Didn’t you have option VI?" You raise your arms and open your fists "You’ve always had options, Violet, but you always decide to take them without first thinking--.

With this Violet is equally annoyed and without standing only speaks with a tone that demonstrates this "Do you think I wanted all this to happen? I think about things but I decide to act, not just stand still doing nothing" you turn your eyes and walk through the bedroom raising your voice "And how did that work for us both?" VI comes back to jester, stands and crosses her arms " What do you mean?."

You bite your tongue and turn your back on it when you stop walking but you don’t answer, seconds pass silently before she asks you again, you turn around and watch her silhouette "Do you think I don’t blame myself too? Do you think I spent all those years in that shitty prison with a smile thinking about how I ruined everyone's life?" now she is the one who clenches her fists "Vander was also my father (__), you may think that because he was your biological father I do not feel his loss equally, but at least I tried to do something for him."

Without saying anything else she walks and opens the door to leave, leaving you with intense emotions and feelings, you sit in bed and cover your face, the bed shaking by the movements of your body. A few hours later you finally fall in surrender and the dream takes you in its arms.

The next morning you woke up before dawn and tired you went to the room with the surprise of seeing both of them sitting on the sofa, remembering the talk Vi and you u had hours ago you swallow some saliva, you continue your walk "You must be hungry" Caitlyn gets up and with the blanket in her arms follows you "You're very kind but no thanks" she turns around and sees Vi who lifts her shoulders and then rests her elbows on her legs, Caitlyn rolls her eyes before getting closer and giving you the blanket "Thank you very much, really" her lips create a little smile of gratitude and when she takes the blanket she closes her eyes for a moment and agrees, "It's nothing…" you narrow your eyes "Caitlyn" she stretches her arm and takes your hand gently when she starts shaking it.

""Of course, Caitlyn" you nod and stop taking her hand, she gives you a sympathetic smile again before walking, not without first saying that she goes to the bathroom to cool her face so you are alone in the kitchen for a few seconds, you leave the quilt on one of the bars and exhale putting your hands on the bar just a few centimeters from the quilt, You hear the footsteps of Vi behind you and close your eyes, swallow saliva again "It was not my intention to say what I said" you know it is better that whoever takes the conversation is you, it was always you who started conversations like this when both of them discussed things Milo said were very stupid.

"It’s just that, it was so sudden that you arrived; even now part of me thinks I’ve already gone crazy" a bitter laugh comes out of you without even moving to see your face "For so long I didn’t know what to do, my emotions were only getting worse" you grab courage and turn your body to be face to face "And when I saw you at the door… it was too much" she puts her hands in the pockets of her jacket and watches the kitchen "I understand what you feel, it was not easy for me either" she sighs with regret "I never thought you had that part in you" she smiles slightly "But I keep winning you, I wasn’t going to let you talk to me like that without giving you a spoonful of the same" finally she walks around and lays a portion of her back on the bar.

None of you speak for a moment, her presence being the only thing necessary to understand eachother. You try to understand what she has gone through and how it has affected her, you even come to compare situations with this new perspective. You think about any situation you have been in and imagine what it was of VI at the same time and that made your heart flutter. "Has anything changed between us?" You interrupt your thoughts to listen and now you travel to that topic, you have done it, of course.

"Do you want them to change?" The question could be taken literally but between the lines and between you knew the meaning of this, she busts with a smile and crosses her arms "Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you look at her and how she looks at you" you say looking at her from the periphery to see how her face matches the color of her hair and moves her head "I think we broke up without realizing it" now she crosses her legs and takes a more serious attitude and then talks "When all this is fixed… Can I keep seeing you?" Her melancholy tone seems as if she was saying goodbye.

You walk around and take your eyes to the floor "Maybe… just… that’s not like this time, ok?" now she laughs "You know me, pretty" when she finishes saying it, Caitlyn returns and Vi walks away from the bar.

After they talk they finally decide to leave and continue with whatever they have planned, the farewell becomes difficult but both are promised that things will improve. When opening the door of the house Caitlyn leaves first and now it is Vi's turn, you take a look and that way you say more things without the need to speak a syllable. You see them leaving and you feel something you never thought you would be able to experience again. Peace. Even for a second you feel it and think that things will improve, but it is a matter of time proving bad or good, the only thing you can do for now is wait. In the end a different kind of luck knocked on your door.

“Jayce will understand.”

And he did and he did and he did and he did.