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I was having a good time here when I remembered Mr. Peabody and Sherman, I love them, and, as a bonus, Penny.
If I'm not mistaken, there's a time when Penny goes back in time with Peabody and Sherman and they end up in ancient Egypt, and there they meet this boy, who became a pharaoh early on (I think, it's been a while since I watched it and I don't remember well), and he falls in love with Penny, and tries to make her fall in love with him by giving her gifts, and when that doesn't work, he kind of tries to force her, but Peabody and Sherman manage to get her out of there and stuff.
So, I, at my peak of creativity-for-everything-but-new-caps-for-my-fics-or-for-my-au, thought; "Why not do a version of this, but with the Batfam?"
And now I have this in my head, like, there are two versions, where they go back in time, and because of their cryptid shenanigans, they get mistaken for deities or something, and the Egyptians try to workshop them, or, they end up on this other planet, or hidden world, like Themyscera, or something, and the people there look at these cryptids and think; "Oh! Exotic pets!" or something.
I don't know if I would put the entire Batfam on the trip together or if it would just be a few, but I definitely want Dick to be Penny.
Like, in my cryptid Batfam headcanons, I like Dick (as an adult) to have this seductive, mermaid-like vibe. You know what I mean? So he would definitely be the one to have a pharaoh/authority figure simping for him.
Like:
★•°=================•°•●•°•================°•★
Egyptians, seeing a flock of winged creatures, intelligent and clever, with animal characteristics:
Egyptians: *Looks at murals of their gods, human bodies with animal characteristics*
Egyptians
Egyptians: Are they deities? Demigods?
Batfam: *Cold sweat as they definitely don't want to cause changes to the timeline.* Uhm...
——
The Pharaoh, looking at a Dick, with all his natural charm, plus, the incorporation of the mermaid vibe into his cryptid persona: Is this what love at first sight looks like?
Dick, seeing as how his choice came to bite him in the ass in the worst way possible: Oh no.
Rest of the Batfam minus Bruce: *Outside cool, inside laughing like gazelles.*
Bruce, going into full protective dad mode: Do. Not. Even. Dare. You. *Squints menacingly at the Pharaoh*
——
The Pharaoh simping over Dick: Here *precious jewels and gold.*
Dick "raised as a billionaire's son after the age of 5, once even replicating the scene of Uncle Scrooge swimming in money when a kid" Grayson-Wayne: Uh... no need, sir *crooked smile that looks more like a grimace.*
——
Servants trying to put gold accessories and other precious stones on the winged demigod by the Pharaoh's orders: Wait please!-
Dick receiving small shocks from the wing sensors bc they were programmed to warn when something gets between the feathers and can make difficult to fly: GET IT OFF MY WINGS, GET IT OOOOOFFFFFFFF AAAARGGGHHHH- *Writhing in hatred and discomfort.*
The Pharaoh seeing that this is stressing the demigod instead of pleasing him: Damn it! Stop, stop before he hates me more-
——
Bruce, arms crossed: *Squinting suspiciously.*
The Pharaoh trying to gain the favor of the father of the demigod he wants to court: Hi *Nervous laughter.*
The Pharaoh: For you. *Shows typical offerings of the time for him.*
Bruce "Man that literally come from the future with his family" Wayne: What the- *Disgusted.*
The Pharaoh: WhAt DiD i Do WrOnG tHiS tImE!?!?
——
Bastard child crying:
The Pharaoh irritated: Get rid of th-
Dick, pissed off at the situation: DON'T YOU DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE! *Cryptid growls as he cradles the child protectively.*
The Pharaoh in a cold sweat: I-understood... *Intimidated but also attracted?*
The child's mother: My son-
Dick: Take him *Hands the child to the mother with a gentle and friendly smile that he uses to talk to victims.*
The Pharaoh who only gets grimaces: Why isn't he like ThAt WiTh Me??
——
The Pharaoh: *Trying again (and failing) to woo Dick*
Dick: *Running away again*
Jason: HA! *points and laughs.*
Damian, being held like a feral cat by Jason: *Unholy screams of anger and disgust.*
Kate: Hahaha, it's like when Bruce had to run away from fangirls at school again!
Bruce, being held like a feral cat by Kate: *Unholy screams of anger and disgust.*
——
Duke nervous: uhn, what are you guys doing...?
Damian: Setting up a political coup plot to remove that unworthy pharaoh from the throne as punishment for his sins.
Bruce: *Covering Damian's mouth with his hand* More like a...prank, to stop him from chasing after Dick.
Damian squirming away from Bruce's hand: That's what I said, Father.
Duke: Oh I'm in.
Bruce: The more the better. Look, we gonna...*Proceeds to explain the state political coup plan that ends with the beheading of the pharaoh.*
Duke raised an eyebrow: I thought we don't kill if it's not necessary?
Bruce: The people will decide his fate.
Damian: And killing is indeed necessary in this situation.
Duke: *Shrugs* Okay, whatever you say.