Bsd Thoughts - Blog Posts

“teenage Dazai this” “teenage Chuuya that”

WHAT ABOUT TEENAGE FUKUZAWA

I know where Ranpo gets it from.

I need someone else to hear me out and understand.

Would the BSD anime not have gone hard with a 80s-90s Japanese City Pop themed soundtrack???

Maybe not for the whole thing but still. The atmosphere would be perfect for it, you cannot deny me that.

He’s like a cryptid

Anything even remotely father shaped in this series must die apparently.

Maybe I am reading too far into things, but I was just rewatching bsd season 3, and something stood out to me.

In this scene, Chuuya refers to the Sheep as children when telling Dazai not to kill them.

It’s the fact that he calls them children as if he is not a child himself.

Yes, there probably are people younger than him in the Sheep, but he is not exclusively talking about those kids. He is talking about the Sheep as a whole.

He didn’t say, “leave them out of this” or “don’t kill my friends” or even “don’t kill the Sheep” or anything else.

It is straight proof that Chuuya has had to put himself in a role of protecting others. Much like a parent, or older sibling. He’s had to force himself to grow up faster. He doesn’t get to be a kid.

And he’s far from the only one.

Dazai too, calls them kids. Dazai too, when he first meets Chuuya, calls him a kid.

In fact, as far as I know, Dazai is the only one who ever points out how young Chuuya is. (Again, I could be wrong, and if I am, please correct me.)

And Chuuya is the same in return; he also sees Dazai as a kid.

They see each other as kids when they do not see themselves as kids. And that’s probably why they can act like the stupid, petty teens they are when they’re around one another.

When one falls out and tries to act like the other is below them for being a kid, the other simply reminds them (often rather aggressively) that they are also a kid.

It’s a reminder I’m sure they both need.

Sometimes I just think it would be so funny if they actually gave the BSD characters creaky, high pitched teenage voices for the sequences where they are young teens.

Can you imagine Dazai trying to say some edgy shit and he has a voice crack? Or suddenly their voices sound much deeper in one episode?

Honestly I really think it would help hammer home just how young these characters are as well. Like-these children are not okay please get them some help.

Chuuya made Dazai want to live.

Oda made Dazai want to change.

Knowing what we know now about Fyodor’s ability makes me wonder what would’ve happened if Nikolai actually managed to kill him.

If Nikolai found out what would happen, would he still want to kill Fyodor?

Or would he try even harder to kill him?

Nikolai would get the death he so wishes but Fyodor would live. He cannot win.

I always wondered if Dazai's bandages on his eyes when he was in the mafia was like a reminder? Like, he wakes up in the morning, and he sees that he's still under Mori's influence. So that he doesn't forget, so that it haunts him every day. Like a cage. Something to remind him “You are not free, you are a murderer, a mafia executive”

And when Oda took it off, it's like he's saying “You are free now”. Dazai sees himself in the mirror, and won't see the bandages that reminded him of the monster he is

I feel very conflicted with my opinions on Dazai. He is not my favourite character, he never was. But I feel a weird sympathy for him at times when he is seen as a total villan?

He is not evil. I don't know how people mischaracterize Dazai as evil.

With the recent chapter 122, there are a lot of people who hate Dazai and want him to die for what he did to Akutagawa. For a second, I felt like that too. I can't see children being abused, not that anyone wants to see it, but I feel very emotional whenever I see hurt children. My first instinct was to hate Dazai too.

But Dazai isn't a responsible adult. Dazai himself was a 16 year old, trying to find meaning in life, guiding a 14 year old into the dark side. This isn't an older, experienced, manipulative man who knows what he is doing but a teenager who thinks he knows everything. Dazai himself ran away from home and was suicidal already at the age of 14, just the same lonely child as Akutagawa. But he found "meaning" in the Port Mafia, or at least trying to. When he gave his word to Akutagawa that he'll "certainly" find meaning in life, I don't think it's manipulation, Dazai himself believes in it. An adult putting you in a dangerous climate is very different than when your cousin tells you to smoke because "it's cool, dude"

I am NOT defending Dazai's abuse of Akutagawa, as I said before, I am not some Dazai superfan (which, Dazai being portrayed as completely innocent also irks me!). I want there to be balance in the conversation surrounding it.

Dazai AND Akutagawa were children, they were both trying to find reasons to live. They grew up in the Port Mafia. We have seen how cruel and unhinged Dazai can be during his time in the PM. We have seen Akutagawa, and his constant internal battle with good and evil. These two are not some heartless creatures, both of them are changing for the better. Dazai found proper guidance in Oda, and taking his words, he became a better mentor to Atsushi. Akutagawa was left in the PM alone, so he grew stone cold and ruthless until he saw the light again, because of Atsushi (in recent chapters his eyes are literally lighter)

Does Dazai feel bad for what he did to Akutagawa? No, at least not now or we don't know what he is feeling, I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth. But he doesn't HAVE to feel bad. That's what morally grey characters are. If Dazai immediately repented for what he did, it won't be realistic or true to his personality. Yes, he is in the ADA, but he is NOT some great person just because he chose to leave PM, even he himself knows that! That's why he felt so shocked when Atsushi called him a good person. Dazai knows he is not a good person and that's why he doesn't repent for what he did to Akutagawa. We don't accept our mistakes easily, not when we thought of them as means to an end. Dazai truly believed what he did to Akutagawa was a pro and not a con. If he will change that perspective now, is more about his own character arc.

Akutagawa was just a kid, influenced by Dazai. He wanted to impress him, like we do to our parents. Like we fight tooth and nails to defend our parents mistakes and sometimes even abuse. He isn't ready to accept what Dazai did to him was wrong. But when he saw how Dazai treats Atsushi, I am pretty sure he felt like dying. Because imagine your parent treating their step children better than you, that's how I see Aku's jealousy to be like. Dazai was his mentor first, why is he praising and coddling this random guy who just came into his life? But Akutagawa doesn't hate Atsushi in particular, he hates the treatment he gets from Dazai. I think considering what's happening in recent chapters, just like how Atsushi overcame his conflicting feelings towards the headmaster, Akutagawa will do the same with Dazai.

Akutagawa carried the cycle of abuse, doing the same thing Dazai did to him to Kyouka, another 14 year old (she trained since she was even younger). But unlike Dazai, when Kyouka is finally free from PM, Akutagawa doesn't want her to come back to him, he stops abusing her, Dazai still is awful and manipulative with Akutagawa at times. He feels happy for Kyouka, because HE wanted someone to rescue him too. Of all the abused children, Akutagawa was the one who never got rescued. Akutagawa was abusive to Kyouka, it can't be erased because of his own tragic past, he also hit Higuchi and seem to answer everything with violence. This is why the cycle of abuse is so painful, Akutagawa was taught to be this way and he CHOSE to stay this way, until he made the bet to stop killing people with Atsushi. I don't think Akutagawa will ever go back to his own ways after this arc is over. You can't undo your past, you have to move on, keep walking, keep living and trying to do better next time.

I want Dazai to get some good old karma! I want him to face the consequences for what he did to Akutagawa. I want Atsushi to have conflicting feelings towards Dazai but I don't want him to hate Dazai. Atsushi understands people on a deeper level, he's going to try and change people no matter of their pasts. Akutagawa and Dazai aren't going to be on good terms ever, that can't happen. I want Dazai to stop treating Akutagawa like shit and I want Akutagawa to stop wanting validation from Dazai.

Now the final verdit from me, is Dazai evil? No. Is Dazai a good person? No. Can Dazai change? Yes. Did Atsushi have a huge impact on both Dazai and Akutagawa? Yes. Is Akutagawa already changing? Yes. Can Dazai be vile? Yes. Can Dazai be soft? Yes. Does Dazai deserve to die? No.

Morally grey characters cannot be good or evil. They are grey. Let them be grey. We shouldn't erase their bad sides and we can't act like they didn't do good. BOTH Dazai and Akutagawa are morally grey characters. They are just different types of grey. Akutagawa is speed running to the light and Dazai is stuck in the middle of the grey. People have the ability to change for the better or worse, no matter who they are.

Now let's be clear: Dazai and Akutagawa are not the same. Dazai is a much worse person than Akutagawa, what he did was not excusable considering he doesn't feel bad for what he did. That is why he cannot be a good person. Dazai isn't a victim of abuse like Akutagawa either, although I do believe he had enough problems already to screw his brain before he moved to PM, living in PM isn't exactly an environment to raise someone right, who is constantly called "the demon prodigy". He IS the demon prodigy.

No matter what Dazai did in the PM, I can't hold a child to the upmost standards. There's a reason why Juveniles have a seperate court. Juveniles shouldn't get death penalty. Dazai committed heinous crimes as a child. But he is NOT the only child who did this. Everyone in PM has committed several crimes. It's a fictional story after all. Because of that I can't HATE Dazai. I believe all children deserve to be saved, to be given a second chance. Dazai went to the ADA and started to use his dark sides for the good. I can't call him evil for his past, when he was a suicidal kid, mentally ill, having a god knows what tragic backstory. Yes Dazai was smarter than an average teenager, but if you have read "The Day I picked up Dazai", you know despite all that; he was just a kid.

A kid abusing another kid cannot be any less tragic. There is not one childhood loss. It's TWO childhoods lost.

(ps: I was scared to post this lol 😭😭😭😭)

Atsushi's diary:

"Dazai-san was telling me I can grow shrimp out of shrimp's tail by planting them. What kind of FOOL he thinks I am, what kind of idiot will believe that at this age? Kunikida-san told me I did nice work today, it made me feel so good that I almost cried. I think I have abandonment issues. Last night, I went to Junichiro-kun's house to return him a bag he lent me, and I heard some weird noises from his house. Note to self- do not go to Tanizaki household alone. Kyouka-chan gets cold really easily, I want to buy her a big fluffy blanket but my savings are running low. Kenji-kun told me he'll give me farm fresh vegetables every two days, that'll save some money, but I do not want to bother him with my problems. Something weird happened today, Yosano-san pulled me aside during lunch, she told me that she is worried about my health. She's always worried about people's health, she is so kind. "You should rely on people more, Atsushi. We all are here for you. It is not good for your well being if you worry about every single thing all by yourself". Yosano-san is a doctor, she knows what she is talking about. But she doesn't know me. Truly. I know myself. I have always been a burden on people. I want to take care of myself now, and of Kyouka-chan. There are so many nice people in the world, I can never be compared to them, I just do whatever I can.

Tomorrow I am going on a mission with Ranpo-san. This is the only time I am not scared. Ranpo-san is childish but he is so reliable"

(ps: this doesn't follow any timeline, only for fanfiction-ey funsies)

Sskk is one of the most emotional rivalries/ships I have ever seen. It is a relationship that actually hits the heart. Skk is iconic. Kyoukenji is cute. Fyolai is poetic. HiguGin is heartwarming. But sskk?

Sskk is deeper than all these dynamics. The more you get into it the more parallels you see, the more symbolism you see. The things they say to each other both stings at times and also makes you cry.

Akutagawa is both at his best and worst whenever he is around Atsushi. And the more the story goes on the less bitter he becomes.

Atsushi despises Akutagawa but he still works with him, because working with Akutagawa makes him more secure, feel as if someone's got his back.

"Don't worry, go you fool"

"That's why Dazai-san left you"

"Just the two of us?"

"Do we need more?"

Akutagawa and Atsushi support and help each other. They work as a team. Putting their differences apart

Because they are quite similar, looking for one thing; reassurance and praise

They have had difficult childhoods with no parental guidance and they grew up to be very different in terms of personality because of their unique circumstances.

All of these emotions. All of this pain in them. That keeps them separate but it also brings them together. Because that's the thing that they both understand. What's it like to have nothing. And they fight because they just want to be a part of something.

And maybe in one universe where Dazai never brought them together, they might be the best of friends like they were always supposed to.

It doesn't matter how their relationship is, soulmates will always find each other.

After all the only person Akutagawa has smiled at besides his sister-------is Atsushi

Just the idea of Atsushi going out of his way to decorate his house for the new years using all the money he has to make Kyouka happy comes into my head----

I do think ever since Kyouka moved in with Atsushi he has changed his lifestyle. He bought new furniture, he makes good food at home and keeps the house warm. Cuz Atsushi is never letting his little sister have anything less than what she deserves.

Kunikida: Atsushi came to get his salary in advance again. Do you want me to check on him?

Fukuzawa: no, don't. It's fine

Kunikida: I hope he's not wasting his money like Dazai does....

Fukuzawa: he doesn't. I know it.

*meanwhile*

Kyouka: you didn't have to buy the bunny plushie, I didn't need it!

Atsushi: of course I had to. It's your Christmas gift.

Kyouka: I don't need gifts. I already have everything

Atsushi: no you don't. I want you to have all the things a little girl should have

Kyouka: I already have you, I didn't need anything else.

Atsushi: *starts crying*

Kyouka: *pat pat* I made some cake big bro, let's eat.

HEAR ME OUT

We all know of the ever changing color of Chuuyas eyes. And this is a perfect moment to perform some of my super special ultra expert self projection!

Basically, what if Chuuyas eyes are also a personalized mood ring? And I don't mean that as in the labs did something to make them change with his ability or something (though I do love the idea), I mean they just change colors every now and then. Like one day they're grey, and then a or so week later they're a bright ass blue.

Imagine Dazai, who has only seen Chuuyas eyes in their Muted grey and blue tones, walks over to tease him while they're outside on a sunny day, then gets blinded because what the hell why are your eyes bright fucking blue?

Chuuya, however, just wants to know why Dazais giving him a weird look because he doesn't bother keeping track of what color his eyes are that day. They just do whatever they want and frankly Chuuya gave up trying to coordinate his outfits to fit so he stopped caring

Concept:

This current arc keeps hitting me over the head with the reminder that Double Black got their name from a tragedy.

That the great destructive power that took down an organisation in one night was born from Chuuya’s grief.

Because it’s the night he lost his friends.

When he uses corruption he’s usually fairly emotionless. And yet here not even that could dispel his tears. It couldn’t hide his rage and his sorrow.

And all that’ll be remembered from that night is the power that was showcased.

And now we have their successors who have yet to earn that name.

A night where Atsushi has watched his friends turn to dust before his very eyes.

His rage, his fear and sorrow all bubbling to the surface and the tremendous power that both he and Akutugawa wield.

And it makes me wonder if this night full of tragedy with yield two polished diamonds

Dazatsu

Mental image of Dazai giving Atsushi a lil kiss on the forehead. Atsushi smiles but he does wish he could return the gesture.

But Dazai’s too tall.

As if reading his mind, Dazai’s face lights up and he crouches down with an expectant and giddy face.

Atsushi laughs to himself and dutifully gives him a lil kiss on the forehead.

If possible Dazai somehow gets even happier.

This with Dazai and Atsushi

here's something i've actually said that could probably be a solid incorrect quote:

character a: *sick with a cold*

character b: *brings them cold medicine* you took one pill this morning, right? you can take one more now that it's the evening

character a: i can take as many as i want?

character b: no, that's not what i said-

character a: hAND THOSE OVER

character b: no-

character a: I WANNA FEEL THE FIFTH DIMENSION. I WANNA SEE SOUND. I WANNA HEAR COLOR.

character b: nO-

I really don't think Akutagawa forgot who Atsushi was. When he said "Who the hell are you?" I think he was referring to how moments ago Atsushi yelled at him that it's no use. Akutagawas number one source of respect for Atsushi comes from that unyielding determination of his, to Akutagawa, it was his number one defining quality. It was what made Atsushi, Atsushi. Now he's seeing that same person yell at how it's no use while Akutagawa now has the capability to fight back, and Atsushi was groveling on the ground in front of Dostoyevsky moments ago. He doesn't feel like the Atsushi we all grew to know and love throughout this whole series. Akutagawa asking that question jot literally, but in the rhetorical "Where has the quality that made you, gone? Who are you without that blinding determination that fights even in futility?" Besides, when I see one of my friends go through a drastic change, I'll jokingly ask them "Well who are you?" to tease them that they changed a lot. So when I read that, I automatically went, "Oh, Akutagawa is seeing how much Atsushi has changed since he left, and that's just how he expressed it." I don't know, with Akutagawas personality, I don't think any effects of vampirism can erase the people around him, at least not entirely. Maybe it made him forget some of their nuances, but the person entirely? Well, I don't think he'd really be Akutagawa anymore. Besides, you can't tell me he'd forget Atsushi when their abilities fought on sight and when Akutagawa died for him. That's a bond no amount of weird ability shenanigans can destroy.

Just had a thought about abilities in BSD.

Under a read more because I accidentally made a wall of text talking about this-

Oops ._.;

What if your control over your ability depends on how much you accept it as a part of you? The idea that every single ability has a consciousness, one that, no matter what, is made to protect or assist its user in some way. If you don't accept and come to terms with having a second 'you' inside you, then your ability will not work with you, simply because you are not willing to work with it when all it's trying to do is help you.

Because of this, it won't always do what you want it too at first, it won't always work, and it'll do what it thinks is best, not caring about what the user will think about it. You have to understand it was there to help you, learn that your ability is a part of you, even the parts that hurt others, the parts that hurt you, because in the end, all its doing is to fulfill the most human wish.

Survive. Live.

It's not always liking your ability, it's knowing that the ability is trying to protect you, to let you live and survive in grow no matter the cost. The pain it's caused will always be there, sometimes it will come back as a memory, and that pain comes flooding back. It's trying, and so are you. Yes, it will hurt sometimes, sometimes you'll wish you never had it, that you died instead of obtaining it, because that would prevent the pain it's caused. It's not learning to love your ability, it's learning that it embodies the part of you that wanted to survive. It's not entirely you, but a part of you. The more you know that, the easier it is to deal with and use to your advantage.

Here me out

The fact that part of a person's like will or feelings if its super strong will stay with fyodor when he takes over gave me a thought

What if fyodors original goal was never rid the whole world of abilities? What if it was just to get rid of his own ability? Like if when his ability activated for the first time after being killed because of someone trying to rob him or something in ye olden days, he hated his own ability. Like it happened, he didnt know what happened, and he went back to his house, and his family just looked at him terrified. Fyodor was still fyodor, but not quite the fyodor they knew. What if originally he saw and knew how precious abilities were to others, and thought that his was the only one was the one that had to be destroyed, because it defied the very nature of life and ruined meaning for trying so hard to live well? He tried his hardest to let himself just die normally, but no matter what, he was murdered, often times in revenge. As time went on, he kept getting killed by corrupt or insane people, their intense hatred of the world around them, no doubt some had an intense hatred for abilities too, and that stuck with fyodor. Every time it got stronger, to the point where it warped his own wishes and perception of life. That's when it went from his ability to all abilities.

I have kept this in my brain for like a month now and I can't fight the voices that say to spit it out anymore. Under the cut is a stupid long rant about how I view skks relationship is. The TLDR would be I see them as two people who dance around and near eachother constantly, yet never meet.

Ok to get more into this, I mean that they express their every feeling through actions. They move perfectly in sync, their thoughts lining up with the other perfectly, where one can't succeed the other does so with ease, they don't speak about anything, they just act on what the others actions tells them. The thing is, they're still dancing around the other. They don't move to the other to do a full on partner dance, holding the other in their arms as they guide each other. They never allow any distance to close, never fully unguard themselves, never allow the other to come close. So, they stare from opposite ends of the stage, moving in sync, yet never touching. To add on to that, it's like they're in a masquerade too. They have masks on, false faces and personalities to conceal their true selves. Even when around the other and alone, I don't think the mask is ever truly off. Their actions say one thing, but the voice and faces say another. Sometimes, they see little cracks, imperfections in the others act, yet those are patched up as quickly as they were seen. They care but they pretend they don't. Their actions, the way the move around each other, screams that they want to be close, that they want to show every last bit of themselves to the other. Yet, when they look at each other, the mask is still on, they still have their manufactured personalities. Sure, they see the less used personalities, the ones that tend to expose some truth, that tend to create cracks in their facade, yet never is it gone. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that they read each other perfectly like an open book, but since they never speak about it, never talk about what they see in the cracks or the others actions, they never reveal themselves. They are stuck orbiting around each other, never meeting, yet always there in view of the other. Both want, neither takes. Whether that is out of fear, defensiveness, protectiveness, something else, or some combination of several, neither of them ever really try to meet each other. Or take off the masks. Perhaps Chuuya does sometimes, but he is still holding himself back. Dazai straight up doesn't try, but he does fight internally with himself about it.

Ok this is kinda random but please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks black sheep from Scott pilgrim fits skk so well

Since Teruko's story was revealed, I've seen some people saying that she wasn't twelve years old in the present day, but in the Great War, and since that was my first impression when I read the chapter, I wanted to talk a little bit about why this wouldn't make sense if we take into account the timeline that had already been established by the manga up to that point.

Because of Yosano's backstory, we know that the Great War began fourteen years before the current timeline, assuming that Mori recruited Yosano at the beginning of the conflict. (It's said that she was eleven years old when she entered the war, and as she is currently twenty-five years old, it is safe to assume that the war began, at least, fourteen years ago. Mori's age also agrees with this assumption.)

Back to Teruko's backstory, we are told that she started fighting in the war in her first months of life, as her ability meant that she could mature her body and mind, so she was already considered fit to be a soldier even though he was literally a baby. Just like Yosano, it's never stated that she was there from the beginning, and the chapter itself refutes this later, somewhat.

At the beginning of her flashback, the narrator talks about how Teruko's only childish characteristic is her appearance, which imply the idea that she is an adult today, and even the speech that she is only twelve years old, that she really is a child, can also be ambiguous as the scene changes to show Teruko during the war, giving the idea that during the war she had a childlike appearance because she was a child, but that now she uses that form for convenience, or any other unspecified reason.

However, if we consider everything we know about the war and when it occurred, it's possible to see that Teruko couldn't have served in the army while she was only a few months old and be over fourteen/fifteen years old, and we also know that the the war didn't last long enough for Teruko to have joined it when she was a few months old, and be twelve years old when it ended, at least according to what was shown in the manga.

Of course, she could be thirteen, fourteen, or fifteen, but the manga itself states that she is twelve, despite her ability being able to change her physical and mental age, so I see no reason to believe she isn't that age.

Also, the fact that she is twelve now only adds to the tragedy. She is a child who has only known war all her life and who died (as far as we know) to avenge the person who saved her life when she was just a few months old and had already seen people dying, already had to kill enemy soldiers, and was almost killed by them. It was supposed to be something sad, her life was destined to be a fight until the end, and not by her choice, because she had no choice to be here, to begin with.

If Kunikida comes back (which I hope he does), I think it might have something to do with the book, more specifically the page that was with Fukuchi before he died. We don't know what happened to the page after the divine being's appearance, but if it hasn't, I don't know, disappeared, it could still be used to reverse the damage caused by the divine being, perhaps even bringing back those who were killed by it.