Dysphoria - Blog Posts

me: *not feeling dysphoric at all*

the feeling of my tiddies moving whenever im dancing:

TW ed

Dont you just love it when your skinny to begin with and then you see a FUCKING CARTOON and want to relapse to look like it even though its physically impossible without being on the brink of death and the only thing you can do is force yourself to finish your dinner that was all ready extremely small cuz you cant handle normal food portions anymore

Dysphoria is an interesting beast, but if you find a way to combat it, then it's worth it to give that kind of thought a try. (click on images for higher detail, individual panels under the read more) Posted 20th July 2024

I'm fairly new to rebloging so I hope it's okay I'm adding to your post.

I just wanna share my experience with top surgery and having doubts before hand:

I started working towards getting top surgery when I was around 18 and because I was still in school and live (plus the fact this shit just tends to take forever) I only slowly got everything together for the surgery.

That meant I started the process 4 years before my actual surgery date. When I started I was fairly sure but the closer I got to the surgery the more doubts started to occupy my brain. I had a lot of therapy in the meantime and started liking myself more, which is good. However it unfortunately had the negative side effect of a part of me using this as an argument against top surgery. Because if I can learn to like myself I can learn to be okay with my boobs right?

I still don't think that's wrong, I think that yes I could have learned to be okay, be neutral towards my boobs instead of the major dislike that fueled my decision 4 years prior to walk down this path.

However despite that argument I decided to stick with my decision and get top surgery. And let me tell you: I'm so glad I did.

Because after nearly 8 months I can say with no doubt it was the right decision for me. It was the right decision not because I couldn't have accepted my boobs at some point but because without them I'm happy in a way I didn't know I could be with my body.

I look in the mirror and I get this happy giddy feeling in my stomach of seeing myself in a normal ass T-shirt but flat. I am overjoyed at dressing up fancy because it means I get to wear all the cool dress shirts I aquired over the years that finally look exactly how I also wanted them to look like.

Even my friends and family told me that the way I look makes more sense kinda. Like I look more like myself than before. Which yeah I do because I didn't feel comfortable with my boobs but also because even if I would have been alright with them I would never felt as enthusiastic about them as I do about my flat chest!

Having had top surgery made me happy and feel home in my body in a way that I didn't fully grasp beforehand. And I am so happy I stuck with my decision and didn't let the doubts get to me ^^

the good news is this *probably* won’t actually push back my timeline for top surgery, but I still let myself have a little tantrum about it because we respect all feelings in this house

I’m super hungry but I can’t go downstairs for food because today is my binder break day and it’s too hot for a hoodie or sweatshirt or any kind of layers :(

i live in active warzone, i'm trans, i have a mental disorder, my family disowned me, i'm homeless and don't have any friends. honestly this has to be some kind of prank, the gods who made me can't be serious about this shit. I just wish my life was normal and not whatever this is, is that so much to ask

Why did I have to have this body?! Everything is wrong. Everything is too big and I feel like I'm suffocating in my skin. Why do I take up so much space? Why am I so loud? Why can't I just be small? I'm a foot taller than all my cousins my age. My feet are bigger than my dad's and he's 6'4". Why is my nose so big. And my hands. And my chest. And my stomach. Why the fuck is it that I got the short end of the deal and now I'm huge?! I wish I could cut it off. I wish I could evaporate until I don't exist anymore. Maybe that's what I have to do.

When you find about fit that you really want to wear but it’s ever so slightly feminine so once you put in on dysphoria kick in like “everyone is going to think you’re a girl” but you’re not out to your family yet so that’s going to happen anyway.

REAL

Like why can’t I be a being of mist or something???☹️☹️☹️

Nonbinary dysphoria is wack bc sometimes I look in the mirror and I’m like oh no I look too masculine and too feminine at the same time. 

Sometimes you just want to look like a blob. 

Feeling really dysphoric so I vent a bit. I’m not the best at anatomy especially arms and hands but yeah. It kinda help to get it out and calm myself down. Idk if it’s really apparent in the drawing but my binder doesn’t always help because my chest is large and yeah.... Idk what to put here so have me screaming in text form. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My gender envy spectrum as a genderfluid:

He/Him - Spider-Man (And sometimes Peter Parker)

He/They - Peter Parker (But never Spider-Man)

He/It - Wirt (Over the Garden Wall)

It/That - Darwin (TAWOG)

It/They - The Collector (TOH)

She/It - Velma (Scooby Doo)

She/Her - Melissa (Milo Murphy's Law)

She/They - Fluttershy (MLP)

They/Them - Stan (IT book + 1990 + 2017)

N/A - Dave/Evan/Chris/C.C./Crying Child (FNAF)

I don't think I missed any... but yeah this is my personal simple gender envy graph thing... yeah