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House Vines
Hufflepuff performing stand up comedy
Hufflepuff: So, I’ve got a drinking problem.
Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw: light chuckles
Hufflepuff: I’m not old enough to drink, that’s the problem.
Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw: all whooping and cheering
House Vines
Ravenclaw: If you got 5 apples, and you give 3 away. How many do you have left?
Hufflepuff: 5?
Ravenclaw: deep inhale
Ravenclaw: IF YoU gOt 5 ApPLeS aNd YoU GiVe-
House Vines
Gryffindor walks into class
Slytherin: Aww fuck! See I thought I was gonna have a happy day at school, but then you walked in.
Ravenclaw: What did gryffindor do?
Slytherin: Bitch go and exist.
Gryffindor:...
Ravenclaw: turns to gryffindor Why would you do that?
House Vines
Gryffindor prefect relaxing in the tub late at night in the prefect’s bathroom.
Ravenclaw prefect: in a lifeguard uniform sitting on the edge of the tub, sexily. I see you don’t have a lifeguard here at your beach.
Gryffindor prefect: physically confused
Raveclaw prefect: acting sexy
Gryffindor prefect: I’m not at the beach-this is a bathtub.
House Vines
Gryffindor standing on the edge of one of the buildings in hogsmeade getting ready to jump.
Slytherin: unenthusiastically Don’t kill yourself.
Gryffindor: Planking on the edge I might!
Slytherin: still unenthusiastically while trying to grab griffindor Don’t kill yourself.
Gryffindor: Hanging upside down from the edge I might!
Slytherin: whilst pulling gryffindor by their feet That’ll ruin the trip, dude.
House Vines
At slytherins birthday party
Gryffindor: walking up to slytherin with a gift Happy birthday biiitch!
Slytherin: So you just bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?
Gryffindor: Happy birthday?
Slytherin: smashes glass on gryffindor’s head
House Vines
Ravenclaw: Buckle down and do your work or you’ll end up at McDonald’s.
Gryffindor: We going to McDonald’s if I don’t do my work!?
Ravenclaw: No!
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Muggle Hufflepuff: *sitting in car in front of a Wendys with Gryfindor, who is recording Hufflepuff* Is Wendy working today? *faces the camera smiling*
Muggle Gryfindor: Bruh, you didn’t roll your window down.
Muggle Hufflepuff: Wha?
Muggle Hufflepuff: Is Wendy working today? *once again faces Gryfindor’s camera smiling*
Muggle Gryfindor: I think they’re closed.
Muggle Hufflepuff: Yeah me too.
Muggle Hufflepuff: Hey, is Wendy working today?
Muggle Gryfindor: Dude I think we’re at Taco Bell-
Muggle Hufflepuff: *tears in eyes* WhAt hOw!?
House Vines
Ravenclaw: *bursts through Hufflepuff’s common room door* WhY arEn’t tHe DiSHes iN AlPhaBeTiCal OrDeR!?
Hufflepuff: *sitting up from couch* What does that even mean?
House Vines
Ravenclaw prefect: *Singing while bursting into Slytherin’s dorm* Good morning~Good mooooorrrning~!!!!
Ravenclaw prefect: Wake up kiddo it’s Saturday!!
Slytherin: Ugh...Ravenclaw I was out late!
Ravenclaw prefect: *Takes a big slurp of tea* I know!
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Gryfindor: *checking under Hufflepuff’s bed* No monsters under your bed.
Hufflepuff: I know...They’re behind you now.
Gryfindor:
Hufflepuff:
Gryfindor: What?
House Vines
Hufflepuff: What do we want?
Gryfindor: Weed!
Hufflepuff: When do we want it?
Gryfindor: Weed!
Hufflepuff: I already said that.
Gryfindor: What do we want?
Hufflepuff: Weed!-I’m confused.
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Hufflepuff: I spilt lipstick in your Valentino bag.
Slytherin: Oh! You spill-WaWAwAWa-LIPSTICK In mY VaLeNtInO WHITE bAg!!
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Slytherin: *to literally everybody else* ThE BaGs uNdEr My eYeS ArE PRADA.
Slytherin: *Laughs menacingly*
Gryfindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff:...
Slytherin: Kill your family.
House Vines
Gryfindor: What did you get in your happy meal?
Hufflepuff: Chapstick, what’d you get?
Gryfindor: A new SKATEBOARD!
Hufflepuff: Wha-
Gryfindor: *while skating away* LATER PUSSY!
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Slytherin: I should’ve left you on that street corner where you were standing.
Gryfindor: *intense pause*
Gryfindor: But ch’ya didnt!
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Slytherin: *holding a crayon*
Hufflepuff: SLYTHERIN! Is THat A WeED!?
Slytherin: No, this is a crayon-
Hufflepuff: IM CalLiNg ThE POliCe!! *dials 911 in a microwave*
Slytherin: *rolls eyes*
911: 911 what’s your emergency?
X files theme
House Vines
*eerie violin music playing*
Slytherin: Hello Gryffindor.
Gryffindor: Hi Slytherin.
Slytherin: *looks down*
Slytherin: Those shoes look familiar. *smiles coldly*
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Ravenclaw: *staring at Gryffindor*
Gryffindor: *looks at Ravenclaw*
Ravenclaw:
Gryffindor:
Gryffindor: THE HELL YOU STARING AT!?
Ravenclaw: The spider.
Gryffindor: The spider?-*Notices spider a their head* OH GOD!
Ravenclaw: Damn.
House Vines
Gryffindors mother: Well Professor Mcgonagall, my daughter would not do something such a thing therefore after.
Gryffindor mother: *whispering harshly to Gryffindor* Gryffindor did you fucking do that thing therefore after?
House Vines
Slytherin: You can’t sit with us.
Hufflepuff: actually Slytherin I can’t sit anywhere. I have-
Hufflepuff: *turns to face the camera that only hufflepuff can see* Hemroids!
House Vines
Ravenclaw: Why didn’t you tell me that you are a werewolf!?
Gryffindor: On our first date I said I was a “dog person”.
Ravenclaw:
Gryffindor:
Ravenclaw: Man you’re right.
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Hufflepuff: You have a beautiful smile.
Ravenclaw: Thank you...You’re not that handsome.
Hufflepuff: Wow.
Hufflepuff: Thanks!
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Slytherin: I’m over with this dumbass school with all these fake ass bitches-
Ravenclaw: *waving* Hey.
Slytherin: *In a sweet voice* Hey!
Slytherin: *under breath* Fucking bitch.
House Vines
Gryffindor: I’m not gonna convresate with you. I’m not gonna invest time-
Slytherin: *stirring tea* I think it’s converse.
Gryffindor: Huh?
Slytherin: Just say talk. *sips tea*
House Vines
Gryffindor: *plays flute*
Hufflepuff: Look! It’s a snake charmer!
Gryffindor: Ey yo snake!
Slytherin: *pauses and whips around*
Gryffindor: You cute as hell.
Slytherin: *blushes* Ssssstop.
House Vines
Hufflepuff: Well I wanna see a manager.
Ravenclaw: Well, I am the manager and uh-I can’t give you the display bagel; it’s not real.
Hufflepuff: Test It.
Ravenclaw: No.
House Vines
Voldemort: I don’t understand why you’re mad at me.
Harry: You killed my mom!
Voldemort: Yeah, but then I said “April fools”
Harry: *laughing* Dude!
Voldemort: *also laughing* I got you good!
Harry: You did!
House Vines
Gryffindor: *holding a “Yuleball?” Sign*
Hufflepuff: Oh! Oh my god! Yes!
Gryffindor: N-no! Tell Ravenclaw!
Hufflepuff: Okay. *whips around to where raven claw is sitting*
Hufflepuff: Ravenclaw! I’m going to the Yuleball with your boyfriend Gryffindor!
House Vines
Gryffindor: When you drink too much orange juice-
Slytherin: Hey I’m looking for Ravenclaw.
Gryffindor:...I don’t know who Ravenclaw is-
Ravenclaw: That’s me. Hey Slytherin!
Gryffindor:
Slytherin: Hey man, what’s up?
Ravenclaw: Just hanging out.