Stiles: If I Die, Donate My Entire Body To Science

one of many reasons castiel spent the first year of knowing dean trying not to strangle him: dean’s weird little winchester-only dialect

i’m fucking obsessed with this right now, so buckle in for a meta. a cool fun (horrible) thing about dean’s dialogue is that a good 90% of what comes out of his mouth is:

a pop culture reference (“you’re just gonna take some divine bong hit, and shazam, you’re roma downey?”)

references to real life phenomenon (“i don’t wanna wake up missing a kidney in a bathtub full of ice” “try new mexico, i hear he’s on a tortilla”)

these also often take the form of nicknames, and dean has a tendency to give people nicknames in general or call them something besides their given name, whether it’s affectionate or rude (“easy there, van damme” “so i’m girl interrupted” furthermore castiel = cas, ezekiel = zeke, etc, see also frequent use of “chucklehead” “asshat” and on the nicer/endearments end “buddy” “pal” “sunshine” etc)

an idiom (“a snowball’s chance” “if it smells like a duck…”)

slang (“drinking the koolaid” “jonesing for some hooch” not to mention the literal endless amount of words dean uses to refer to killing - gank, waste, juice, ice, etc)

a metaphor (“power up your batteries” “fly me back to my page on the calendar”)

a euphemism (“cloud seeding” “i’d have given you an hour alone with her first”)

sarcasm (his habit of replying “peachy” or “super” when asked how he is)

wordplay (see: the entire “vampirate” and “werepire” debacles)

completely nonsensical (guessing what happened to a magical artifact: “it was dug up by tomb raiders? it was seized by the king of the dead by warlords?”)

said at lightning speed - if you pay attention, dean actually talks a LOT, usually a mile a minute (this makes me feel a way when you recall him being nonverbal for a year at age 4 but that’s another post)

slang IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE (casual usage of “guano,” etc)

a lie, a deflection, a joke, etc

or worse, something dean’s NOT saying, deliberately, because he’s one of the most repressed people on earth

the end result of all this being:

dean winchester is utterly infuckingcomprehensible. 

think about this. there’s an ENTIRE SECTION on EVERY SINGLE EPISODE PAGE of the spn wiki devoted to JUST explaining dean’s pop culture references, because the average viewer won’t have seen everything he’s talking about either. they have a whole page for this called “hunter’s lingo,” but honestly, it’s not all hunters, just sam and dean’s fucking batshit communication style. even i don’t understand dean half the time. SAM gets it, sam speaks it back to dean a lot in the early seasons, but that’s because sam and dean are 1. practically two halves of the same person 2. FREAKS. every time we get an episode that involves outsider POV is devoted to them going “what the fuck is WRONG with them?”

enter castiel. technically speaking, the show implies that angels are omnilingual. castiel should understand every language known to man, but knowing the meaning of words doesn’t help him understand the following:

pop culture references

references to real life phenomenon

nicknames

idioms

slang

metaphors

euphemisms

sarcasm

wordplay

you get the idea.

listen to me. look me in the eyes. castiel cannot understand a single fucking word that comes out of dean’s mouth. my guy laid a hand on dean winchester in hell and immediately fell in love with him and has no fucking idea what he’s talking about ever. because not only is dean winchester’s way of speaking CLINICALLY insane, and sometimes incomprehensible even to other human beings who are not sam, castiel is an angel, and someone prone to taking things even more literally than other angels do

go back and watch and watch seasons 4-5 especially. the reason cas does so much squinting and head tilting is because every time dean opens his mouth castiel has to open up his mental “dean winchester dictionary” and translate entire paragraphs on the fly, because again, dean never shuts up!

what makes this extra hilarious to me is this gem:

this line is from 5.13. at this point cas has known dean for AN ENTIRE YEAR AND A HALF. what you see here is my guy SNAPPING. cas made an EFFORT in this scene. he asked who glenn close was. he’s telling dean that he can’t understand him. he is doing his level best to have a normal conversation with this guy he has a crush on and for the life of him he cannot do it (equal but opposite energy to cas blowing up the gas station and motel room in 4.01, tbh)

yes, cas can understand dean’s tone. he can use context clues, and he usually gets the general idea. and when cas DOES understand dean’s jokes, he laughs at them. the first time we ever see him smile is during their 4.07 heart-to-heart when dean says “it was a witch, not the tet offensive.” since cas has knowledge of human history, he knows what the tet offensive is; he got the joke, and he laughed.

but as far as actual dialogue goes, he consistently struggles to keep up. even after metatron gives castiel the pop culture knowledge in season 9, cas struggles to put it to put it to proper use (dean: “you wanna just walk right into the death star?” cas: “what does a fictional battle station have to do with this?”). whenever he asks dean to clarify it’s always when he’s most annoyed, like most of the time he knows it would be futile but he’s too annoyed to care. (dean: “i don’t know who’s on first, what’s on second!” cas: “what IS second???”) i’m pretty sure he spends seasons 4-6 wanting to shake dean by the shoulders and ask him why he is LIKE THIS. 

it takes cas - who, again, is omnilingual - YEARS to begin to acclimate to dean’s speech and start speaking that language back to him. it’s season 8 before we start really hearing him use slang, season 9 before he begins to understand wordplay, season 10 before he starts using pop culture references (to other angels, who immediately fail to understand him, which disappoints him immensely), and season 11 before he really gets into metaphors. i don’t remember what season he started using “yeah” instead of “yes” but i do know it took a really damn long time. 

and honestly, i don’t think cas truly got the hang of it until at least season 11-12. that’s something like 7 or 8 YEARS. it’s more than half the time they’ve known each other at the point of the series finale. 

so what’s true romance, fellas? it’s falling completely and totally in love with the most inexplicable person you will ever meet in your whole 4.5 billion year life, even though you have yet to understand a single thing he’s ever said to you. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[spn masterpost]

Lanyon: Jekyll, please, may I ask WHY there are a bunch of frogs in your office?

Jekyll laying down in a pile of frogs: They looked so cold outside! I had to bring them inside! :(

Lanyon: Henry, they are frogs-- frogs are supposed to be cold! They are wild animals!

Jekyll: :(

Right new hc

When Percy gets fed up with the twins pranks or just people looking down at him he just snaps and plays the most malicious and sadistic pranks on them

Like not enough to hurt them real bad but enough for them to know not to mess with him

Also he always manages to keep his image clean

Like you will never catch this guy until he tells you and even then if you tell on him he’ll make you feel like a fraud and discredit the story

That's right!!! The Ministry definitely has some rumours about the Peeves might hide in somewhere, cuz people keeps getting pranked. Some of them will go and report to Percy, and he just keeps a straight face says, "I'll solve this thing as fast as I could. I give zero tolerance for these things."

Then when he went home, he just burst out a big laugh to Oliver and tell him all the things. Probably the twins question too that why they keep getting banned from the Ministry, when they just want to find Hermoine and Harry.

Slowly, Percy's prank becomes one of the big mystery in the Ministry, until he retired still no one find out it was him.

Now I feel obligated to main him. I mean, I was going to anyway but this feels like a calling.

Sam: So, I have to go to the eye doctor this week.

Jack: Yes, you need to get your vision orbs checked.

Sam: Ah... yes. My vision orbs..

I want to put Fischl, Farina, Lyney, and Barbara in a party and call it the theater troup.

No idea what to do for his eye so I kinda scribbled😭

if i had a nickle for every time slimecicle wrote a character that was a non human, neurodivergent coded, green themed character who says 'dap me up' that knows nothing about the world he lives in and has a begrudging companion that teaches him purposefully wrong information about the surface who also kind of takes advantage of his ignorance, id have two nickles, which isnt a lot, but its weird as hell that it happened twice

Layla: what are you playing?

Marc: I'm playing poker, Steven's playing go fish and I think Jake is just hungry

Cicero Headcanons

Yup. It’s time for dirty gremlin jester boi headcanons. Prepare thine bootyholes.

+ Very small lad. 5’ at most, and only 80 pounds when he first gets to Skyrim. He does gain a bit of weight as time goes on and he’s got access to food on a regular basis, but even then, he’s 100 pounds soaking wet. Very small boi.

+ Mid to late thirties, early forties at most. He’s been involved with the Brotherhood most all of his life. Was in the Bruma sanctuary first, and spent most of his twenties there until he was transferred to Cheydinhal. Spent the rest of his twenties and most of his thirties in Cheydinhal, then headed out to Skyrim. Only stayed in the Dawnstar Sanctuary for a couple of months before finally heading to Falkreath.

+ He does like his sweetrolls and carrots in particular, but more as a snack than a staple. He’s actually quite fond of a lot of food, and despite his tiny size, he can and will eat quite a bit! He didn’t have access to much of anything fresh during his time in Cheydinhal, and once he did, he garnered a new appreciation for his fruits and veggies. Hates mushrooms, though. Absolutely despises them if they’re cooked.

+ Is bi/pan, and demisexual. Before he came to Cheydinhal, he kind of took people for granted, in a sense. After contracts he would sometimes spend a bit of his money on some... rewards, shall we say. After everything that happens to him afterwards, however, he is FAR more grateful for good, genuine company. The lad needs a friend, and/or smooches. NSFW happenings aren’t completely off the table, but it takes a LOT of trust and reassurance on his end for him to want to get intimate with someone again. And I mean a lot.

+ He has a lot of tricks up his sleeves. Literally. His outfit is decked out with all sorts of secrets to give him an edge in a fight if he absolutely needs it. Steel toes at the ends of his boots, mini knife compartments also in boots and pretty much everywhere else on his person, knuckles in his gloves, and lots and lots of pockets.

+ Very early riser. When it’s the designated day of the week for oiling mother, he wakes up as early as five in the morning. It’s a very time consuming process, and he likes to get it out of the way as soon as he can so he has time to do other things. Otherwise, he may sleep in till seven at the latest. That being said, if he is sharing his bed with someone, he’s incredibly careful to not wake them, and once he’s done and all cleaned up, he comes back to wake them for the day.

+ Before getting a bit more settled in Skyrim (kind of Falkreath, but more Dawnstar, should he be spared during the Cure for Madness), he had issues with not taking care of himself properly due to issues with disassociation caused by his time in Cheydinhal. Didn’t bathe regularly, didn’t eat regularly. It isn’t until he’s among the company of his family (and was likely fed up with getting shit talked, if I’m going to be honest) that he makes a bit more of an effort to care for himself. Having someone as kind and caring as the listener certainly helps, however.

+ He had some pretty greasy ass hair before he started bathing properly again (the hair we see him with in-game). Once it’s all nice and clean and brushed out, though? Floof. Big ol floofy mane of copper hair.

+ He’s very, very well read on the history of the Dark Brotherhood. Quite the fan of Lucien Lachance, funnily enough. (I’ll get into some headcanons about these two nerds in the future if anyone is interested).

+ Him switching to third person is a very telling sign if he’s having anxiety issues or is otherwise upset. People with mental problems similar to him often switch to third person as a way to comfort themselves. It allows them to disassociate a bit, to make it feel like whatever is happening to them isn’t actually happening to them.

+ That being said, Cicero’s madness is likely comprised of survivor’s guilt (kind of a given), PTSD, and potential issues with bipolar and/or multiple personality disorder. He can certainly be helped, and his past isolation is largely to blame and can assumably be combated against, but it will always leave a mark on his psyche.

+ His laughter can be used as a nervous tic. Not all the time, but sometimes.

+ Speaking of tics and stims, this lad. This boy right here. He jiggle he leggy. He taps his fingers on the table, or his thighs, or wherever his hands may be. Has a habit of feeling at his face whenever he’s thinking, and sometimes picks at it if he’s feeling really anxious. He can’t keep still to save his soul.

+ Has an odd but fitting habit of keeping everything very neat and tidy. During his time in Cheydinhal, he didn’t really have anything else to do when he wasn’t tending to mother, so he spent a lot of his time making everything spic and span, despite him being the only person living there. The place was found almost unnaturally clean when he left. And just like that, in Falkreath (and especially Dawnstar, as he prides that place as HIS sanctuary), he keeps everything very nice and clean to keep himself busy when he isn’t tending to mother.

+ Actually a way better singer than he lets on. A lot of the time, when he “sings”, he’s just screwing around, but when he actually tries? Surprisingly good.

+ When he and the Listener are traveling together, he likes doing a lot of riddles and stuff to keep both himself and his dear listener entertained. Makes I Spy With My Little Eye actually fun.

+ Speaking of him and his relations with the Listener... this lad? This tiny boio right here? Absolutely provides contract advice, as well as leadership advice should they need it (and chances are, they will). When he first brings up such things, he’s uncertain. A bit anxious, worried they may take offense to him providing such a thing despite his experience. But with enough encouragement, he breaks out of his shell and provides his thoughts much more regularly. This lad craves validation, especially when it comes to things like this. He’s very... creative.

+ Very, very appreciative of the outdoors when he comes to Skyrim. He gets cold hella easy, sure, and he hates being cold, but to see the sun again? To see the light glimmering off a lake or river? To see grass and tree branches bending in a gentle breeze? To feel rain on his face, and see lightning flash across the sky and thunder rumbling after it? To see the aurora borealis Skyrim’s night sky so readily offers? He would trade anything in the world to see it again.

+ Fascinated by all things shouts and dragons. He’s like the only person I know who actually comments positively on the Dragonborn shouting.

“For someone known as the Listener, you do an awful lot of shouting!”

“Oh! Hahaha! What a fun trick! Teach me, teach me!”

He never new dragons had actually existed until Skyrim, and while he is respectful of their power and rather wary of them, he still finds them immensely fascinating.

+ That being said, the whole notion of dragons coming back to life, along with the civil war breaking out among Skyrim’s people, really does set him on edge. He’s seen and known enough war, and prospect of even MAYBE having to deal with more stresses him out.

+ He needs to have some form of background noise when he sleeps. Otherwise it gets far too quiet, and it makes him very anxious.

+ As I had stated in a previous artwork post of mine, if he’s in the sanctuary and the listener is away, he spends a lot of his time in the torture chamber if he’s got nothing else to do. While he’s no longer able to fulfill his own contracts, it doesn’t mean he’s entirely forbidden to kill. Besides, he’s got lots of time and subjects, willing or not, to test out all sorts of wonderful, twisted little ideas on. More than likely excitedly shows the Listener what he’s been up to while they were gone.

+ Very heavy drinker. Has had to cope with a ton of shit, and while he knows, deep down, it’s not the right way to deal with things... no one really wanted to talk to him. Hear about his problems. He could rant to mother all he wanted, sure, but... it just wasn’t the same. That’s not to say mother doesn’t care; without a doubt, she does, but for him, not having any kind of response makes it all the more frustrating.

+ That being said, his go-to drink is usually wine. And he tends to get very moody on wine. Be careful. You might get an earful.

Aight folks, this is about all I have on general/main Cicero headcanons. If y’all want me to do more on specific things, like romance, NSFW happenings, or interactions between him and certain canon characters (or my own, if/when I get to introducing them properly here), y’all lemme know. I hope you enjoy! :D