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Smitty - Blog Posts
vanoss, texting smii7y: smii7y! Help I’m being kidnapped kryoz: Where are you? vanoss: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help. smii7y: I’ll call kryoz. kryoz, answering their phone: hello? smii7y: Where’s vanoss? They texted me that they were being kidnapped. kryoz: vanoss? Whaddya mean, they're right next to me- kryoz:... kryoz: I’ll call you back. *hangs up* kryoz: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD! vanoss: WHO ARE YOU?!
vanoss: While I’m gone, smii7y, you’re in charge. smii7y: Yes!!! vanoss, whispering: kryoz, you’re secretly in charge. kryoz: Obviously.
moo: why. why did you give vanoss a knife?! smii7y: they said they felt unsafe! moo: now i feel unsafe. smii7y: sorry smii7y:... smii7y: you want a knife?
smii7y: so are we flirting right now? kryoz and evan: we’re literally cuddling and kissing right now. smitty: that doesn’t answer my question.
smitty: I give up. I’m too tired. moo: GET THE EMERGENCY SUPPLY! kryoz: *carries vanoss and places them in front of smitty* vanoss: *Smiles* smitty: AND I AM BACK BABY, LETS GOOOOO!
vanoss: Why do you always call me "pretty boy?" I'm in my twenties
kryoz: "Pretty boy" has nothing to do with age. "Pretty boy" is a state of being, a trait inherent to the self.
vanoss: smitty: And you're the prettiest boy on the whole damn block.
smitty: *grabs vanoss’s ass* vanoss: excuse me, that’s my ass kryoz: that’s our ass, we’re married
kryoz: What do you believe in now?
smii7y: self preservation through love
vanoss: chupacapra
smitty: they had a really sexy voice
kryoz: smitty, they kidnapped us!
smitty: At least they want us!
smii7y: what’s your guilty pleasure?
vanoss: what’s a guilty pleasure?
kryoz: something you like even if its like looked down upon or something, not always though
vanoss: ohh, okay, crime then
smii7y: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos- vanoss holding up a paper kryoz helped him right: we wrote you a poem! smii7y, already crying: You did???
smitty: I just asked my sweet spouse evan where they think people go when they die and they said that they get to go live in the clouds and be happy forever and ever.
smitty: Then I asked my bastard husband kryoz where he thought people went when they died and he smiled at me and said “Hell”
moo: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on evan without them noticing?
smitty: Hey, evan, I bet you 5 bucks that you can’t swallow this penny.
evan: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, hun.
moo: …
smitty: No babes I wasn’t talking shit about you
vanoss and kryoz:
smitty: I was describing you
kryoz, sweating: “So, there’s something I want to ask you-“
vanoss: “Finally, you’re proposing!”
kryoz: “Wha- How did you know?”
smitty: “You’ve dropped the rings five times during dinner.”
vanoss: “I even picked them up once.”
kryoz: How's the cutest person here~?
smitty: I don't know, how are they~?
kryoz, flustered: I-
vanoss, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!
smitty: But vanoss you promised. panda: Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia. Welcome to the real world. banana bus squad: smitty: panda: What too soon? vanoss: *tearing up* My husband.