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Solitaire - Blog Posts
Going from being in the fandom for the book to the fandom for the card game is probably the wildest switch up I've ever made but anyway I spent so long playing spider solitaire that every time I close my eyes I imagine a game so yeah
Mother,the fact that I haven't felt emotion in two weeks is simply a Tori spring reference!!!!You wouldn't get it!!!
Thought for the day: am I a manically depressed psychopath?
Tori Spring absolutely dying of laughter on the floor (Someone said something factual)
Finals Week Mood
Me: *has crippling anxiety about a test tomorrow*
Also me: *plays solataire for an hour straight*
HAPPY ACE AWARENESS WEEK !!✨️✨️✨️✨️
Tumblr Tuesday: Ace Art
Happy Asexual Awareness Week to all aces and your allies. Here is a collection of exuberant ace art for your exuberant ace hearts. Keep on breaking those allo assumptions, one artwork at a time 🖤🩶🤍💜
@sandrune-art:
@evocaitart:
@unwashedace:
@tinyflowerclub:
@vuelode-irbis:
@szczurherbacany:
@wafflenati0n:
@dinxie:
@pokimoko:
@werew0lfprincess:
@plutonicbees:
@cowheist:
@lokithefoolishegg:
@yujateaandpi:
@transcendragon:
@starryaves:
@kyri45:
@squishlamb:
@peppermintbits:
@kateammann:
@soni-dragon:
@kynni-purri:
@theartofmadeline:
@icannotgetoverbirds:
@meoskyan:
On a better note than me figuring out that my manga is in the wrong language 3 months too late, I bought this at the book fair today
Like I said I'd do
Buying Solitaire from the school book fair today
Do I already own the book?
Yes
Will I regret this purchase in the near future?
Also yes
Am I going to do it anyway because I pike the cover art?
Absolutely
This has been when I have realised that, no, I am not okay, I burry myself in fictional worlds to avoid my own lel. I am full of angst, and it's really cringe, but at least I'm self aware???
When Alice Oseman takes over all of your drawings
I wanna see his ass but I don't even know how to play solitaire
Sometimes, I wish I could just sleep forever. When anything happens, big or small, if I start dwelling on the past or the things I don't confront, if I start thinking of how defiant I am to liking myself, or how defiant I am of giving myself peace my solution is always to sleep. Being asleep is like a fever dream, and to me, it's a reset button to when the problems in one's life become to apparent. When you're asleep 9 times out of 10, you're not in your reality, but somewhere else, it's so stupidly pathetic, but I often wish I had no friends no family and no one who cared about me so I could just sleep an be somewhere else all day. I sometimes think no one understands how weird the concept of sleep and dreaming is like.. you just close your eyes, and your consciousness is just gone? Your body does all ghese things to repair itself, and you don't even know any of it? I think it's rather interesting and it's. A nice way to avoid your problems. I sometimes desire to never have to speak to anyone. I always plan to just sleep and ignore reality. Ignore my friends. My family ignores myself ignore "her" ignores everyone around me, and just..be gone." Because being gone is better than stewing in my feelings.
When I like or relate to a character enough, I'll often take their name and use it for myself. Im not quite sure why i do this if im being honest, I dont do it very often to but when i find a character, i really love. i can't help but want to be like them. i dont like my name at all. It has no elegance or interest in it or anything remarkably nice about it. "......" It's boring, but i suppose all names are after a while. It has 6 letters in it, which is a cold number, but it is even, and it has mostly warm letters, which are nice [I dont like cold numbers or odd numbers]. It means something to do with religion, which is ironic cause im probably going to end up in hell anyway. None of my close friends call me it anyway, I'm usually referred to ell although i wouldn't mind more people calling me tori or jane, which are all names I've taken from characters i like. Tori/victoria from Solitaire, Jane Doe from Ride the Cyclone, my favourite musical, and the genderbent version of Edd from eddsworld Ell. [who I have since claimed as my own character]..it feels silly but when i find somthing or somone i can really relate to i desire to have some sense of similairty of closeness with them wich i find the easist to achive with name, albeit it has created this sort of affect where i feel i have no real name at all. Although theres only 3 I've really taken on I've been told that i have lots of actual names that my parenrs have aince forgotten with of course the addition of the various ways to say my name and the english version. But if im being honest, im not sure I'll ever have a name that will ever fit me, meaning or sound wise. I guess that it's my fate to be nameless and avoid any proper recognition, and so in addition to my void, i can now add a blank sheet signed "nameless."[Not my art]
It's kind of psthetic, but the majority of my life is just living in a made-up world of things that will never happen. Every day all the time constantly all im ever doing is daydreaming no matter what I'm doing my head is up in the clouds somtimes about the past futue or possible outcomes but ny mind never seens to be in the present. Sometimes , I wonder how often my mind is somewhere else, and I'll abruptly stop what im thinking about and look back on how long my mind was elsewhere. Usually, i can't remember, so it's kind of pointless. It feels quite silly that simple things Ive made up in my head can result in such diffrent emotions, to the olunt i can often atart crying of giggling from glee like an idoit..if it hasnt become apparant i make alot of stuff in my head and then get sad about it. I dont really know why i do it.. maybe as an escape from reality kr as an escape from myself, but in my heads world, everything is always better..the people, the romance, the scenery, just reality in general. Day dreaming fills my empty head with a possibility of a different reality. It's calming in a way. I often start smiling and giggling in public about things no one else thinks about. Sometimes i daydream of things i hope will happen. Like falling of a building or fainting and going into a coma in the middle of class. Or being famous or something.... I often think that I ponder on life so much that I take away possibilities from god.[Not my art]
I want to experience a million realities in one. I often wonder what my life would be like if i had made different actions if i had made different choices, different desires, and goals. I feel quite tethered to my universe sometimes, i mean.... I've just made these choices, and that's it, i can never go back, never un do never see what might have been? It feels funny that everything you do once you do it is just set in stone. My name is [......] but i dont quite like my name, so you can call me Ell,Victoria,Tori, or Jane. I've claimed lots of names as you can see, none of them being mine. But back to what i was saying, why must everything be how it is? Why must everything just....be? As much as my will to do anything has died, i still bere fading interests. I want there to be a reality where im a teacher, a poet, an author, a jazz artist, a painter, an illustrator why must I be a tired girl who cant acheive anything or do anything at all. If it's not become apparant, i have many dying interests. I think the only one im still passionate about is writing....and reading.. that's about it. Not even just passions and hobbies why cant there be a reality where i have longer hair, smaller eyes, a nicer body, more feminine features? Why are we tethered to one body one mind one reality? It seems like a rather silly question if you believe in past lives, but even those dont fufill what I mean. Even if i was all these things in another universe, im destined not to remember them. It doesn't matter much i guess. I dont feel in tune with any of those things anyway. I dont quite know what i want from the world because if i were to rembember all these other lifes I'd probably go crazy in worry about the next one but then again im already borderlining on crazy so whats one more reality with it?[Not my art]
"I don't want people te be worried about me, there's nothing to worry about. I don't want people to try and understand why I am the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that, and I don't understand yet. I don't want people to interfere. I don't want people in my head picking out this and that permanently picking up the broken pieces of me."
– Solitaire, Alice Oseman.
Relatable.
Michael Holden and Tori Spring are not dating, but they're not just friends either.
They just are, they just exist together.
Reid Reading Solitaire by Alice Oseman
Possible spoilers below
I never thought I would identify with a character as strong as I do with Tori Spring. I've never thought I could be anyone who matters to someone, and I still don't now, even with the friends I've found after growing up learning how to be on my own, especially when second-guessing everything you feels like it's all you ever do. The backpack chapter reasonated with me, every time I get overwhelmed, I make a decision completely blown out of proportion to make something feel right about me, to stop the panic and racing thoughts.
Then there's overthinking what to say, around family and friends and strangers, what to feel, what your morals are and what separates you from your intrusive thoughts. Every thought you have in conversation is about what other people see in you and how you relate to the conversation in the slightest, making you aware you're such a bloody narcissist. Contradicting yourself often, which confuses everyone else and frustrates you the most. But while those people contradict themselves, you feel both the confusion and frustration, almost for the other person.
You try to keep it all down then, because while you know have everything, you feel like you need more. You can't believe it, you're already trying to earn what you have now, what else could you possibly want?
And then there is wondering, about the "why" when you want something. Why do you want it if the cost is too risky? What would you do to get it? Why would you work so hard if it might end badly for you?
The contradiction, when you need help, you don't want to be alone, but the company you have doesn't feel like what you need, you feel like a watcher of your own uninteresting life. Second guessing, (do I actually want this?) I don't know what I'm actually going to feel if I get what I think a moment of unexplored comfort would be. Maybe it will be suffocating. Maybe it isn't possible. Maybe I'd ruin it. That's when the wondering goes further.. What about your identity is truly yours? Which pieces have you handpicked from the people in your life, and what is actually inside you that makes you who you are? Maybe you don't want to ever know.
This all being said, the one thing I feel separated myself from Tori Spring's character- was that she doesn't like to read, my little dark heart sank from my body in dismay. I still love her though, enough to breathe through the book in one afternoon.
Alice Oseman could step on me and I would say thank you
Honestly who doesn’t
SOO TRUE
OK GUYS
is it just me or I think that having a solitaire but with micheal’s prospect would be THE BEST THING EVER!!!!
Same thing with Radio Silence, where Aled is the one talking and not Frances!
(tag Alice!!)
TORI
Sometimes I hate people. This is probably very bad for my mental health.
THIS IS SO CUTE
"Why are you so excited for season 3 of Heartstopper? It's going to be so sad."
The reason:
Felt cute, might delete later.
Tori is so real i love her
“I hadn’t realized I was crying. I don’t really feel sad. I don’t really feel anything.”
“There’s a time and a place for being normal. For most people, normal is their default setting. But for some, like you and me, normal is something we have to bring out, like putting on a suit for a posh dinner.”
-michael holden