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Transformers Swerve - Blog Posts
The Mech Pilot Au by @keferon has me on a chokehold, so, I'mma procrastinate from writing an actual fic by just writing down incorrect quotes instead-
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Swerve: We’ve found the person who stole your identity and was impersonating you.
Blur: Where were they?
Swerve: Eating cheetos and crying in their car.
Blur, impessed: Damn, they really went for it.
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Jazz: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!
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Prowl: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Jazz: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.
Prowl, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.
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Blur: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??
First Aid: So fuck oxygen, I guess.
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Prowl: Vortex isn’t answering my messages.
First Aid: Allow me.
Prowl: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-
Vortex: *replying to message* Hello.
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*First Aid and Jazz enter a dive bar*
First Aid: Look, I know you’re disappointed but could we at least have a drink.
Jazz, in a scuba diving suit: I would like leave, please.
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Blurr: Here is my wall of inspirational people. Swerve: Is that a picture of you? Blurr: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.
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First Aid: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.
Vortex: *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!
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Vortex: I can’t do this, it’s against my moral compass.
First Aid: YOUR MORAL COMPASS IS A ROULETTE WHEEL!
Vortex: …Your point?
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Jazz: First Aid is restricted to decaf for the rest of this adventure.
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Jazz: I told Swerve to grab snacks for everyone.
Blurr, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?
*Jazz, First Aid, and Swerve raise their hands*
*Vortext from the distance,also raising his hand*
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Jazz: I think we should have glow stick juice injected in our bones when we're born, so if we break our bones, we get a fun little surprise.
Vortex: What's the surprise?
First Aid: Blood poisoning.
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Vortex: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.
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Swerve: Why would anyone want to harm Blurr?
Vortex: Maybe because they met him?