Aspec - Blog Posts

*Likes girl* (Is girl)

*Likes boy* (Is boy)

*Likes person* (Is person)

*Likes nobody* (Is nobody)…

Y'know, whenever people want to talk about why aspec people 'count' as an oppressed identity, they tend to go for the big stuff like corrective rape and conversion therapy. And like, we should absolutely talk about that stuff. Obviously those things are terrible and important and we need to raise awareness and deal with them.

But I feel like people often gloss over how… quietly traumatising it is to grow up being told that there is only one way to be happy— and that everybody who doesn't conform to that norm is secretly miserable and just doesn't know it— and then to gradually realise that, for reasons that you cannot help, that is never going to happen for you.

You're not going to find a prince/princess and ride off into the sunset. Or if you do, then it's not going to look exactly the way it does in fairytales. You're not going to get a 'normal' relationship, because you are not 'normal', and everybody and everything around you keeps telling you that that's bad.

You see films where characters are presented as being financially stable, genuinely passionate about their work and surrounded by friends and family, but then spend the rest of the plot realising that the real thing they needed was a (romantic and sexual) partner, to make them 'complete'.

You absorb the idea that any relationships you have with allo people will ultimately be unfulfilling on their side, and that this will be your fault (even if you discussed things with your partner beforehand and they decided that they were a-okay with having those sorts of boundaries in a relationship) unless you deliberately force yourself into situations that you aren't comfortable with, so as to make uo for your 'defects'.

You grow up feeling lowkey gaslighted because all the adults in your life (even in LGBT+ spaces. In fact especially in LGBT+ spaces) are insisting that it's totally normal to not be attracted to anybody at your age, and then you go to school and everybody keeps pressuring you to name somebody you're attracted to because they can't imagine not being attracted to anybody at your age.

And then you get older and realise that one day you're going to be expected to leave home, and that one day all your friends are going to be expected to put aside other relationships and 'settle down' with a primary partner and you don't know what you're going to do after that because you straight up don't have a roadmap for what a 'happy ending' looks like for someone like you.

(And the LGBT+ community is little help, because so many people in there are more than happy to tell you that you're not oppressed at all. That you're like this because you don't want to have sex, and/or you don't want to have any relationships, that your orientation is some sort of choice you made— like not eating bananas— rather than an intrinsic part of you that a lot of us have at some point tried to wish away.)

Even if you're grey or demi, and do experience those feelings, you still have to deal with the fact that you're not experiencing them the 'normal' way and that that's going to effect your relationships and your ability to find one in the first place.

If you're aiming for lifelong singlehood (which is valid af) or looking for a qpp, then you're going to have to spend the rest of your life either letting people make wrong assumptions about your situation (at best that your relationship is of a different nature than it actually is, at worst that the life you've chosen is really just a consolation prize because you 'failed' at finding a romantic/sexual partner) or pulling out a powerpoint and several webpages every time you want to explain it.

This what being aspec looks like for most people, and it is constantly minimised as being unimportant and not worth fighting against— even in aspec spaces— because we've all on some level absorbed the idea that oppression is only worth fighting against if it's big, and dramatic, and immediately obvious. That all the little incidents of suffering that we experience on a daily basis are not enough to be worth bothering about.

I mean, who gives a shit if you feel broken, inherently toxic as a partner, and like you're going to be denied happiness because of your orientation? Shouldn't we all just shut up and thank our lucky stars we don't have to deal with all the stuff some of the other letters in the acronym have to put up with (leaving aside the fact that there are many aspec people who identify with more than one letter)?

So you know what? If you're aspec and you relate to anything I've said above (or can think of other things relating your your aspec-ness that I haven't mentioned) then this is me telling you now that it's enough. Even if we got rid of all the big stuff (which we're unlikely to do any time soon because— Shock! Horror!— the big stuff is actually connected to all the small stuff) we would still be unable to consider our fight 'over' because what you are experiencing is not 'basically okay' and something we should just be expected to 'put up with'.

No matter what anybody tells you, we have the right to demand more from life than this.

Same!! I love iced matcha lattes!! Water is probably my go-to drink, but I drink matcha almost everyday soooooo

ok so i got it aroace people love to eat garlic bread, but what do y'all like to drink ? i'm curious

for me I prefer iced coffee or iced matcha latte. anyone else ?

Yknow I still want Cressida to get a dressmaker gf like u cannot convince me that wouldn’t be perfect idk I can just see it so clearly in my mind lol

Also I so badly want Eloise to be Aromantic or some kind of aspec, strong independent woman with no need or want of romance please (my hopes aren’t high because it’s literally a romance show but still)

Maiorisexual

maiorisexual is a sexuality based around having sexual attraction, and wanting to act on it in every way except direct actual sex, such as masturbation or general physical intimacy. this can work with asexual identities such as demisexual.

coined this for a friend and i because we happened to have the same exact experience hehehehe.. not too good at making flags but the red is for the lack of sex, pink is for sexual attraction and general sexuality, white is for community and purple is for asexuality / non traditional sexuality

Wanted to make my first actual talking post cause I need y'all to know that this space is safe for those who may not feel welcome in their own communities.

No matter anything, you are loved.

Aspec people? Your love is so different from what others expect it to be, and if you're loveless you're so so valid and I love you in the same way I love the universe. Asexual, aromantic, aplatonic, asensual, every a- out there: you're not broken. You're not wrong for being yourself and I love you like all the stars in the sky, so many more than what's visible.

Alterhumans? No matter what/who you are, you're beautiful for exploring your identity as something non-human, human-adjacent, or human in a different flavor! You're amazing and wonderful and I'm so proud of you for even considering being yourself in a world not built for you. Human, animal, object, concept, doesn't matter because you still deserve respect and love. I love you like all the little bugs I find outside, all beautiful and free.

People with conflicting labels? You're so cool. I don't care if you identify as a man and a lesbian at the same time. I don't care if you identify as a woman and a gay bear at the same time. I don't care how you identify, you're a living being and you're just as valid as everyone else. I love you like trinkets, all so unique and beautiful in your own ways.

Systems? You're spectacular and no origin of system or headmate could change my mind. Your system came about from trauma? I'm so proud of you for coping with your trauma and living your life happier and healthier with others that can support you. No trauma? That's okay! It's none of anyone else's business how you came about, what matters is that you're living your life the best way you can and I'm so proud of you. I love you like yarn, all so wonderful and varying and full of endless possibility.

Disabled people? Your disabilities don't make you any less deserving of respect and love, no matter what anyone says. You don't need to prove your usefulness to anyone that actually deserves to know you. You're allowed to be "useless". Your existence is a blessing even though I know it can be so difficult or impossible to do even basic tasks, and your worth is way beyond whatever anyone tells you you "should" be able to do. I love you like plushies, made to love and be loved, made to exist.

Neurodivergent people? You're so strong. This world was not built for your mind that varies so greatly from what's expected of you. Those of you that have a "dangerous" disorder, you're so valued and I'm so proud of you for being your best self, no matter those that say you're insane or manipulative just for being yourself. I love you like nature, unpredictable or scary to those unwilling to understand, you're beautiful not despite your brain but in tandem with it.

Xenogenders? You're epic. It's so awesome that you've been able to identify with concepts, objects, animals, characters, literally anything! You can be anything! Isn't that amazing? I don't care if it's cringe, I don't care. You're being yourself and that's so amazing. I love you like art, found in every place you look if you're looking with an open mind.

Religious people? It's so amazing that you've found something to believe in that helps you live your best life. As long as you're not using your religion to put others down, you have my support. It's so spectacular that you have something you believe in. Please don't let anyone take that away from you. I love you like rainbows, a miracle of life and a wonderful sight to see.

People with personality disorders? You're so valid. Granted I don't know much, but I do know that you deserve love and respect just as much as anyone else. No matter how misunderstood or mistreated, you're safe here. I'm always willing to learn and understand how to be a good person to everyone, no matter how "scary" you are. You're wonderful and I hope you know that. I love you like the ocean, full of so much vastness and beauty below the surface.

I love you I love you I love you!!!

However,

If you are a shitty person who forces yourself onto others or thinks that others are below you for what they believe in, do NOT be anywhere near my page. If you are any sort of -phobic, any sort of "minor liking person", any sort of asshole: I will automatically block you and you are NOT welcome here.

If you use my wholesome post to start drama or controversy I will block you. This is not a safe space for you if that is your intent.

This page is for loving, not hating.

Here’s mine! Completed it while bored at school

I made an acespec bingo!

*Mentioned in the bingo is the term “m-spec” - it stands for “multiple attraction spectrum” and is a spectrum of orientations defined by attraction to multiple genders.

A common aspec (asexual and aromantic spectrum) experience is thinking you’re m-spec before figuring out you are actually aspec.

You can support me by following me on my socials (link in bio) and engaging with my posts, thank you 🧡

THIS!!! I have friends who are aro, and friends who are ace. I love them so much and I don't understand how y'all could even be excluded in the community. I accept yall, and I know there are many others too!

i love you straight aromantics. i love you straight asexuals. i love you straight aroaces. i love you straight aroallos. i love you straight aspecs. i love you straight aspecs who are questioning if they’re aspec or not. i love you ‘straight passing’ aspecs. you are loved and you are included and i see your pain and your struggles. you will always always always be a part of our community.

i keep seeing misinformation about this, so: queerplatonic relationships do not have a set definition. the name comes from the idea that it's "queering" the platonic relationship, tailoring it to the individual relationships' own desires. it isn't necessarily romance lite, but it also isn't necessarily whatever definition you want to impose on it. the point of queering the platonic relationship is to break away from strict allonormative views on friendship, romance, and sex, not to make a new categorical box to fit in.

the answer to "what is a qpr?" is "whatever you want it to be." sometimes that is romance lite. sometimes it's a deeply committed friendship. sometimes it's friends who have a sexual relationship. sometimes it's based on an entirely different mode of attraction. sometimes it's fluid and impossible to put into words. it's whatever you want it to be. it's queer.

hate J K Rowling button. love asexuals button.

Me literally anytime I go on Ao3

This. They hate all of us, we're not any better to them.

There's also a bit of... I think unintentional support of other queerphobia when people say stuff about how asexuals aren't doing anything. As the post discussed, we are seen as a threat to a lot of people, but I think the intent when aspecs say this is more like "we're not hurting anybody/doing anything wrong". But the thing is... Neither are trans people or gay people or other queer identities. When people say stuff like that, it's almost agreeing like "I can see why you don't like them, but we're different".

So there are several issues. I do think a lot of it comes from people not really knowing aphobia exists or even within our community not understanding how strong it is in some groups.

tbh I really dislike how aphobia tends to be discussed whenever there's some kind of incident that makes it visible to general society. The most common response seems to be some variation of "why would anyone hate asexual/aromantic people, they aren't even doing anything" and it just always sits wrong with me. It paints such a passive picture of our existence and feels like a comment influenced by the level of invisibility that aspec people have in society. Why would you be annoyed by someone who is practically invisible? Just go back to ignoring their existence, it's easy!

But despite the invisibility, aspec people are actually doing quite a lot of things that will piss off queerphobic, right-wing and religious people (and hell, even left-wing people). And the most obvious point is that we are actively not performing heterosexuality the way they want us to. People who's entire world view is "cis men and women should be in monogamous, heterosexual marriage and have (white) babies" are not going to lean back and say "oh but those asexuals and aromantics are fine". They will also hate our guts, and they will come up with all sorts of reasons, including insinuating we're all secretly into bestiality, or mentally ill, or not human, or attention seeking children. It's just plain old queerphobia, and like all queerphobia, there's no inherent logic to it which you can worm your way out of by "not doing anything".

And like, there's a lot more that aspec people do which people hate. Raising awareness about amatonormativity? People feel attacked, they hate it. Asexual people having sex? Or not having sex? People hate it! Aromantic people being in (seemingly) romantic relationships? People fucking hate it! Aromantic people having sex? Ohh people hate that!!

I guess the existence of aphobia can be confusing when you haven't spent much time thinking about asexuality and aromanticism, but in the end, these are identities that aren't heteronormative and they will be hit with the same or similar bigotry as any other queer identity. I just get tired of this response after seeing it recycled for 10 years without ever seeming to go any further.

"there is no platonic explanation for this" when characters hug, care for each other, support them, are worried when they are in danger, smile at each other etc

Some of yall just don't have any good friends and it really shows

hey guys do the allos know that they can have qprs too? like do they know that being alloromantic doesn't mean they can't choose to be in a qpr anyway? because qprs aren't "romance-lite" for aros, they're an entirely separate kind of relationship that anyone can have. you can do this with fictional characters too. you can put characters that aren't aroace or are even canonically dating in qprs with each other just because you think that would be a cool way to play with their dynamic. it's actually very cool and you totally should.

Liking a popular ship in a fandom but not in an specifically romantic way is so difficult because you will almost never find fan content that fits your interpretation of the relationship. No they don't kiss but they are deeply and are irrevocably tied to each other. They can't live without one another. The devotion they have to each other transcends space, time and any traditional relationship labels.

But *sighhhh* I'll read fics where they date I guess...

I really like this, I once explained QPRs as looking at the rules for established relationship types and saying "No, we don't like those," and then building your own relationship, taking pieces you like, leaving what you don't, and even adding your own stuff if you want, to make a new thing that works for you.

i keep seeing misinformation about this, so: queerplatonic relationships do not have a set definition. the name comes from the idea that it's "queering" the platonic relationship, tailoring it to the individual relationships' own desires. it isn't necessarily romance lite, but it also isn't necessarily whatever definition you want to impose on it. the point of queering the platonic relationship is to break away from strict allonormative views on friendship, romance, and sex, not to make a new categorical box to fit in.

the answer to "what is a qpr?" is "whatever you want it to be." sometimes that is romance lite. sometimes it's a deeply committed friendship. sometimes it's friends who have a sexual relationship. sometimes it's based on an entirely different mode of attraction. sometimes it's fluid and impossible to put into words. it's whatever you want it to be. it's queer.

Aroace who's extremely confused by their tertiary attraction call that a disoriented aroace

isaac is so real tao and elle were really leaving him out on movie night

the struggle of seeing people being happy couples knowing you won’t ever be like that is so real i actually love isaac (as much as i miss aled)

it's really funny for me when people claim that without romantic relationships you cannot possibly be happy. i have a story for this one.

so in my first year of uni i was really invested in my appearance like clothes hair a little bit of make-up all that stuff. and during that year a lot of people (and i mean A LOT) were trying to talk to me or ask for a walk or number. like i wasn't able to get home without talking to anyone. as a not really social person a wanna say that was a freaking nightmare.

you know when it changed and i could finally live peacefully? it happened when i stop putting myself together like i would die if i wasn't looking perfect and when a cut my hair.

all those people suddenly disappeared and i tell you this.

i was never happier in my life.

Honestly I don't even really have aspec headcanons so much as I keep forgetting that not every character is aspec

need to aromanticise this fandom more

AHHHHHHHHGRJDHSUDHHEB YESSSSSSS BOTH THE REPRESENTATION AND THE X-MEN!!!!! TRASHY SPITEFUL MUTANT!!!!! 🖤🩶🤍💜 SCREAM IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!!!! :]

i had to

@deadandgaysetanta @queen-of-hobgobblers

@deadandgaysetanta @queen-of-hobgobblers

fun facts about sharks

Hello! yes it is! all the queers & genderqueers & questionings & aspecs welcome!

Can you please reblog if your blog is a safe place for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, asexual, aromantic, pansexual, non binary, demisexual or any other kind of queer or questioning people? Because mine is.

of course it is? why would it not be?

Reblog if you think asexuality is a legitimate sexuality.

I'm trying to prove something.

Sakuko Kodama :D

Pride month art 1/10

Lilith redraw for aromantic awareness week :))

Original from last year ↓

Pride flags. Second edition ! (I have one flag left, and it's missing me off) (please suggest more so i can live in peace)