Autistic Spectrum - Blog Posts

Just do your best that’s all anyone can ask for…

But Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way…

Today was the first two days of my collage classes, and one is okay, but the other one is a lot like my mentally unstable history teacher from 8th grade. I won’t go into too much detail but it was literal hell for me. And when I went up to him to tell him about my disabilities, he said, “You don’t look autistic, fill out this disability form and then I’ll help you, until then you’re on your own.”

I’m feeling my anxiety spiking and I just hope that we got off on the wrong foot, and the rest of the year will be okay… 😰

I was talking to my mom and I told her that I think I might have autism and she told me that I do, and she's known about it since I was 5

And she just decided to never tell anyone, including me, about it

It apparently took three decades for her to decide that I might find this information helpful

So many things about me and my life make sense now

I really wish I had known this sooner

You have my sword my friend. (It's here somewhere I am sure.)

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happy autism acceptance month

I feel like half my body needs to be soaked in ice while the other half covered in heating pads…just the issues of chronic pain ⋋_⋌

Am I ill?

Sometimes I start to wonder if I really am chronically ill. Do I really wake up every day with pain or am I just faking it all the time? I know other people actually have these issues and they are very much real, but to me, I don't know what is real for myself anymore. I try so hard to be normal, yet the pain comes back. It always will come back. I wake in the mornings with a killing pain surging through my jaw. I know that last night I must have been fighting monsters, swinging swords that allow me to defeat these dragons lingering in the mountains. Yet, today as I wake up the pain isn't from a dragon or those monsters I fought, it's from my trying to dislocate once more. The throbbing pain in my head isn't from being flung against the wall of a dragon's den, that pain is from my chronic migraines that linger in me causing it almost impossible to eat and hold my food down. That surging sensation that spirals in my belly, drifting up towards my heart and seeping through my veins isn't the poison of my enemy trying to defeat me at last, this is the anxiety that causes me to isolate myself until everything is fine again. The anxiety that holds me back from chasing these wild imaginations because I'm not okay. I don't think I ever will be okay, but am I really ill?

Overload...

One of the best things about college to me is just showing up early to get a good seat away from people and pick where I sit. I love being able to sit away from the flickering bright white lights that loom over the students, yet being able to sit away from windows and distractions that might interfere with my studies. With all these great things soon comes misery though...the seat I pick always ends up having someone trying to sit near me so I have to set my backpack on the chair next to me and sit in the corner if possible. I fear people might think I'm rude, but the noises of others clicking away on computers, talking to their neighbors, smells, and any small noises or motions they make just tend to bother my sensory issues. I have severe sensory issues due to my autism and sensory processing disorder so I go into a meltdown almost every time I show up to class. I love school and learning as it's my special interest and always has been. The ability for me to expand my knowledge in any way possible makes me happy and want to flap my hands around. I just wish people were more considerate and I didn't have to wear headphones just to exist in normal environments. School is great, yet extremely hard and I always miss classes sometimes. I tried online school, but it's hard for me to focus and stay attentive in class. I'd rather sleep through it instead which is a huge issue. I don't know, I just feel as if I need to let out some of my issues and get them off my chest in order to sit through this next class. Sorry if I come off as rude, I don't mean to. I just am struggling so much lately to just exist. I want to curl up in a ball and hide away from society until people acknowledge that those with disabilities can and will be in professional settings too so we need to make things to accommodate them.

Just Autistic Things...

Being excited about beige food and sitting alone in your room while watching your special interest on youtube for the 50th time this month...ngl I’m excited as heck for it!

I actually used my AAC in public today for the first time. I know this might not sound like much to some people, but when I have speaking issues and end up nonverbal or having a verbal communication issue (I don’t know what to call it without people getting mad at me) I normally just stop talking all together and isolate myself. This AAC really helped me so much today and I don’t feel so drained physically and mentally from work. I’m really happy so now I don’t have to go home and sleep the rest of my afternoon away, I can play a game or read!!

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Also, I don’t know what you’d call it that I have. I was nonverbal for well over 7 years and have on and off verbal issues where I can talk some days but most days I’m completely silent. Recently I’m having an episode that’s seeming to last about 4 days.

does anyone ever have like a thousand scenarios about a fictional character go through your head everyday? Or when you daydream about that character during a song? Or when you draw that fictional character constantly? Yeah that's me 100%

Introduction

My name is BlueSeraphim. I'm a person who loves to play video games and obsess over many things. While looking at my blog, you will see many things like drawings, writing prompts, headcanons, and theories about many of my favorite franchises. Now that that's out of the way, let's move on to some things you need to know about me and what to expect from my blog!

Things to know about me!

-I have Autism, ADHD, and Anxiety

-Agender Demigirl (She/Her pronouns only)

-Im a Pagan! (worships Greek/Eygptian gods with a sprinkle of Christian beliefs)

-Sefikura is my #1 OTP ☁️☄️

-I tend to have a very creative mind, and I love to write fanfiction and share my own theories. I also infodump about my OC'S and my fanmade universes that I made for them.

-I do draw, but I'm not very great at it. I try my best though at least :)

My Fandoms

-Super Mario Bros

-Sonic The Hedgehog

-FF7

*(Slowly getting into Yugioh)*

-SCP Foundation

-Overwatch

-Wuthering Waves

My Socials

Twitter/X:

Blog rules

⚠️ I do not want any suggestive accounts interacting with my blog. No liking, commenting, or even following my blog. I prefer to keep my blog safe for work.

⚠️ Asks are open, feel free to ask me anything! Nothing nsfw or anything hateful though or you will get blocked

⚠️Most of my posts are tagged under "autistic rambling" if you don't want my constant talking about anything then feel free to filter out the tag

⚠️DNI list:NSFW/suggestive accounts, trolls, spam bots, nazis, AI artists, pedos, extremists, political accounts

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That is all you need to know about me for now, but I really hope you enjoy your stay!

Napstablook is autistic. He literally dissociates when you lay down on the carpet with him. He hyper-fixates on music. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mettaton has some form of neurodivergence. He doesn’t like to hang out with people because he doesn’t understand them

NAPSTA BLOOK IS AUTISTIC AND I WILL GO TO MY GRAVE WITH THIS