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Bpd - Blog Posts
Excerpt from a text convo between two Friends who both have BPD:
*edited for typos and clarity*
[...] I will do what Is in my nature to do.
I will beg the frog to take me to the other side of the river.
The frog will say no because it knows it cannot trust me.
And I will say: "you can trust me because if I sting you I too will drown".
And with its last ghasping drowning breath the frog will ask me: "why?" and I will say:
"Because it's in my nature".
As a person with BPD, I deeply identify with the scorpion in that story. I don't start out wanting to hurt the people that are helping me. I don't start out thinking about how much pain I can cause.
I ask for help from people who should know better than to trust me and I make it very difficult for them to do what I asked.
"Let yourself be loved", said my mother as she squeezed and pinched and bruied us with her hugs and kisses.
Don't be a "Limosnero con garrote" (begger with a club), my parents would tell us. They often found it difficult to meet our needs. And somehow, that was our fault.
Can a scorpion live without its stinger? Can a beggar carry a club? Can I stop hurting?
PSA: BPD
BPD:
Is not multiple personality disorder
does involve extreme reactions to abandonment whether real or perceived
does involve unstable and intense interpersonal relationships
does involve impulsivity
does involve recurrent suicidal tendencies or self harm
does involve affective instability due to a highly reactive mood (i.e. periods of intense anxiety for example will last for a couple of hours and rarely more than a couple of days)
does involve chronic feelings of emptiness
does involve intense feelings of anger/difficulty controlling anger
does involve stress related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms such as feeling cut off from oneself.
You also only need to display 5 of these symptoms. Thus people can have bpd without the unstable relationships that is stereotypical of bpd. I know they are common symptoms but they aren’t aren’t the only ones. Also please learn the difference between multiple personality disorder (dissociative identity disorder) and bpd. Just because I dissociate sometimes doesn’t mean that I have DID. Learn the difference and stop saying the only way to be bpd is to have unstable and intense relationships.
— 🐇 hello everyone ! sorry for vanishing . . . I hope you all had a good new year and basically a good first month at this point . . i'll *try* to start posting more again soon , promise !
— 🐇 i truly don't need anyone else , take care of me like i'm a pet and i'll obey you like you own me . keep me at home , i don't need to see anyone else , you're all i need .
⠀ ﹒⠀⠀⠀⠀➴⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀˚⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ 𓂂 ⠀⠀⠀𓇼
⠀hi⠀hi!⠀i’m⠀marco⠀or⠀eiji.⠀i’m 16 years old⠀&⠀boygirl, nonhuman ( it + ) i’m mixed ( 🇨🇺 🇯🇵 ). my birthday is june 3rd. i'm taken by my lovely boyfriend and partner 🤍
⠀byi: i’m a system (osdd) & have bpd, autism, and others (ask if VERY close).⠀i struggle to talk to people and don't use tonetags (unless asked) please don't use them on me!⠀i use a screenreader and english is NOT my first lang.
⠀dni: basic dni,⠀you say "i like (interest) more than you" and "i'm gonna touch you,"⠀your only sense of humor is nsfw jokes,⠀ragebait,⠀anti-recovery,⠀those ranfren / okegom / regretevator / 8:11 / southpark fans,⠀i block freely.
⠀interests: animanga,⠀roblox (daybreak, limbo, regretevator +),⠀sparklecare hospital,⠀idv,⠀be more chill,⠀tmf,⠀sam and max,⠀mysme,⠀omswd,⠀twst,⠀amphibia,⠀voltron,⠀it,⠀starberry,⠀spicymints,⠀alien stage,⠀sam and colby,⠀8:11 and more (bold is what i'm most fixated / defensive on right now)
⠀blog info: this blog is mostly for whatever!⠀reblogs, interacting with others, and maybe making my own posts…⠀it really just depends on the day!⠀i may disappear for sometime, mostly due to school or just being with my partners!⠀if anything, that's what i'd post most about.⠀interact with caution if you're iffy with obsessive / posessive, vent-ish, borderline posts!
⠀anons: none..
i did the “safe space” emdr coping mechanism w my trauma therapist today and i literally just used a spare room in the men of letters bunker. like i didn’t have a real life safe space to imagine, so i had to think of a fake safe space, and i couldn’t think of anything safer.
thank you spn, for always being my home.
i will never admit this fact to anyone ever, the internet can know tho.
back to putting in the hard work, mapped some of my parts!
god i just feel so fucking empty. i wish i could just like actually be able to make friends so i don’t have to be alone all the time?? but making friends as an adult is stupidly hard.
tbh i should just go back to being a fanfic writer, i had so many online friends back then it was crazy lol
“‘She loves me like a dog’ but not in the soft, blindly loyal puppy way. She loves like a stray, mangy and flea ridden, hiding in the back of an alleyway or under the porch of the abandoned house next door.
She loves violently and ferally and wildly protective because she knows how it feels to be alone during the winter and she can’t go back to that, she can’t.
She loves with teeth and claws because those are the only body parts that have ever saved her, and she mistakes every hug for a chokehold.
She loves in a way that looks an awful lot like violence and feels an awful lot like desperation.”
-some random guy on my tiktok fyp at 3pm on a sunday
when i think of you my heart is filled with anguish. i pray that when you think of me, yours is filled with penitence.
tonight the black hole where my heart is supposed to be feels as if it will eat me alive.
three hours later and i was in literal tears about how unfair it is that i have to work so hard to be a person. this Borderline shit got HANDS
i stg this shit is just Big Puppy Disorder. like wag wag wag my tail over this new friend, he is so nice and he is so nice to me and i want to be his puppy and make him happy too :3
i’m like some braindead golden retriever wtf is going on.
very close to giving up. i feel like i need to go back to the damn ward. i hate that this is my life, and that none of it gets to be easy.
i am tired.
this whole being 14 thing is so lame. like girl get a grip that was 5 years ago.
i just think it’s silly that my parents were a little sucky and now i’m a 19 year old with a personality disorder and an emotional support stuffed animal
2.16.22 - Ghost. Some days I float through this life with my brain fogged and the world recognizable but feeling eerily off. For on these dream-like days I am simply a ghost haunting this horrid human body.
8.26.22
The Empty Kind. (excerpt)
“…I wish I didn’t burn every bridge I’ve ever stood on, now all I breathe is smoke.”
aosjdsidskfhfnfrgijfk ghnti ITS BEEN OVER 30 MINUTES WHY ON EARTH HAVEN'T THEY TEXTED BACK
