Existential Crisis - Blog Posts

It bothers me that I will only ever be myself and no one else and I will never be able to touch another person's mind with my own and how I perceive the world will be based solely off of myself and I can never truly be with or apart of something because there is such a huge disconnect between what I think and feel and why and how and what other people see think and feel and there can never be true togetherness because we are our own and isolation is the price of intellectual freedom from a unified consciousness

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Random Spamton fanart

I was bored so i drew Spamton having existential crisis

What are people anyway? If the world is not what we see, why do we care how others see us? Why do we ignore our own existence as consciousness and consciously let our unconscious shape us to the views and preferences of others?

Humans have practically dominated the planet.

Stars and planets are dying, galaxies are fading.

Why do I still care?

Why do I still feel so small compared to others?

Coward.

No tags or money, this post doesn't matter

Nothing matters.

You are nothing on the cosmic scale, your worries, insecurities, that swallowing everything... You are a damn coward afraid of sinking into your own existence.

And that's okay.

You don't need to feel small over such trivial things as a threat, an expectation or the simple need to survive in this society. Each of us has a universe within us, It would be a complete waste if you continued to oppress and hide yourself. For you are an incredible thing.

Do you ever forget what gender you are and then someone says like "She's the only girl....*blah-blah*...." and then you're hit with a "Oh, shit. I, too, am a girl. What the fuck."

Or am I weird?

Decades Doever

A little idea I had laying in my bed. The basic thought process was: Ninjago's two characters who have literally been sent to a realm to rot in for literal DECADES. Morro, who's already struggling with his own exile from the departed realms finds a manipulated Zane and manipulator Vex. I mean both of them can't grow too old, and Morro probably would want a redemption for his deeds, the white ninja may be his path to doing it. Zane is interested in the departed realm, hearing that Morro is from it (even if it's not in the most pretty ways), it intrigues him to learn more about the former ghost, and how he may see his father one day. More Info underneath the cut!

Morro's literal backstory Once an elemental master dies they can not only see their family in the departed realm, but if they are not blood related nor can remember their family (cough cough, Zane), they can also meet the departed elemental masters that came before them. The little groupings of elemental masters hold great power, having the ability to traverse the 16 realms but regarded as something different than a ghost, more similar to a peaceful spirit or aura passing by. Unable to be seen by the living, sometimes depending on their mental will having the ability to converse in dreams and visions. When Morro finally get's sent to the Departed realm, as an orphan and being 50+ years old he cannot simply remember his family, so he get's sent and transported to the elemental grouping of Wind Masters. They don't like him. And so after a rather horrid argument the elders, the first elemental master of wind (FMOF), decides to send them down to never-realm, being previously used as a waste deposal of other Elemental Master's (more than just wind) that have gone "rogue" in the Departed Realm. The FMOF graced some mercy to Morro, convening with one of the form masters in order to see that they could return him in some sort of ghostly form, if they sent them down there as is, it would result him becoming living once more. Morro being the wonderous human (ish) being he is stumbles across this conversation, eaves dropping and taking notes. So when the final ritual(?) takes place he lashes out and does his best to ruin the spell, the only thing being that: 1. It works 2. He's not alive, and instead, has been merged with the storm. There he goes barreling down into the artic wasteland that provides an abundance of wind and storms to command, but despite the feast-like appearance of power and his element, Morro knows and regards this as a banishment. Dude got banished from death itself.

How Zane is connected in any of this Being also wonderfully banished and sent to the Never-Realm (via: Aspheera, Nacho Snake lady) he is also lost on his way. The only canon divergence or well difference being, when he's holding a staff he can feel another, stronger, rivaling, presence. Zane tries his best to fix the mech and eventually get's memory wiped by Vex. Back to the main plot line Morro additionally the counteracting sensation of another elemental power, and although it's not as strong as he isn't a master of Spinjitzu, he still senses it and decides to drift off on a storm cloud in that direction. Reaching the cave just when Zane plugs himself into the mech, disregarding the staff in general (in this AU I don't think young Wu would've told him about it), being confused in the slightest before getting a rush of Lloyd's memories he intercepted during possession of the titanium ninja, and dashing away behind the mech when he hears Vex's footsteps. Watching the whole exchange happen before his eyes, he decides to step in at the last moment, using his cool (very new) lightning powers. Being a somewhat super battle with the staff that he's honestly wonders how the ninja got a hold of, and his amplified form. During the exchange he does lay hands upon the staff and his powers go A-wire, somewhat breaks space and time, smacks Zane in the noggin to regain select memories. Vex fleeing the scene and barely recovering Zane prying Morro; who's form and right hand is practically melding into the staff, away from the supercharged stick. Although both mutually dislike each other they suppose they are both in the predicament of needing company for the days, weeks, and unbeknown to them, years to come. Morro not knowing how robotics or in general any mechanics in Zane works, opts for the: I'll just sit here and regret my decision as my partial robot friend has a reoccuring flashbacks for several decades while having an ongoing existential crisis I am little help to. Zane does believe Morro holds some interesting tales and description on, why and specifically how both are here. Morro just thinking it's something he can do to make up for acts, probably go see Lloyd (despite him probably bolting as soon as he see's the green gi), and maybe just maybe get somehow reaccepted back into the departed realms.

I don't know how many times I have to say this:

I DON'T NEED HELP

I just want to sleep and not wake up again

Is that too hard to ask?

Do you read books on murder and people getting away with it? Do you often wish upon deaths of the rotten people in the world? Do you find the notion of living in isolation with coffee and a book intriguing? Do you fall in love with morally grey anti heros? Do people call you unusual and insane? Do you wake up everyday wishing you didn't? Do you consider yourself to be better than others at the same time feeling inferior in a world that doesn't accept you?

If not then you are actully a fully functioning human being who does not rely their life's worth on hopeless soul searching and "you can't sit with us" *Gretchen Wiener voice*

I am graduating soon. So here it goes-

"Thanks Disney channel for giving me unrealistic ideas about high school and life. A thanks to Harry Potter for making me hate my life some more. I thank Pinterest for providing me endless ideas. I thank reddit for keeping me busy with debates. I thank all the apps that consumed most of my life. And special thanks to YouTube for raising me as a child"

Does anyone else feel genuinely stressed by a routine? Like I wake up, go to work, and come home, everyday. It makes me so genuinely stressed bc I feel like my life is gonna be like this forever.

We’re all just tiny mammals on an adventure that was never meant to get this big

Ok, I’m immortal. I’ve fallen off so many cliffs that my adrenaline doesn’t even kick in anymore, I’ve accidentally ingested 5X the lethal dose of caffeine, I’ve accidentally drank bleach and wasn’t even nauseous (I said ‘2/10, wouldn’t try again’), Ive lost so much blood that I should’ve been at the ER but was just fine and cleaned it up, I’ve been hit by a semi truck (only like 25MPH tho, I still got knocked pretty far) and got up and was just really dizzy, etc.

I thought it was luck, but the lethal doses scratched that out. I thought it was plot armor, that was obviously out the window pretty quick. I thought it was one of the Eldritch deities I have the favor of (don’t ask, I’m not really sure how it happened either.) they didn’t do it. I was so confused… until I remembered

I always say ‘I LIVE OUT OF PURE SPITE FOR REALITY’

I CAN LITERALLY INFLUENCE REALITY IF I PUT IN ENOUGH EFFORT BUT I DIDNT REALIZE I COULD JUST FORCE SOME RULES OF REALITY TO NOT APPLY TO ME

IVE BEEN LITERALLY IMMORTAL OUT OF SPITE SINCE I WAS NINE- HOW DID THIS HAPPEN????

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So how would *you* describe yourself ?

UHHhhhhh . . .

crying because I will never be able to watch every movie and tv show out there I won’t even be able to watch most

Strange Occurrences

I woke up last night with somewhat of an existential crisis? I was blinking but I couldn't feel it. I was breathing, but it didn't feel right. Like I didn't need to breathe to keep living. It was an odd experience, but I just kinda went back to sleep.

I woke up again around 4am. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I sleep with the teddy bear I got from a friend on Valentine's day. But like. I woke up and it was sitting straight up, hanging off of the couch somewhat by its heart at the front. Staring in my direction. I have a fear of dolls or anything doll-like in general, so I chucked it onto the table.

It was hard to go back to sleep. I had this looming sense of dread wash over me, like someone was around. I was so scared, I woke up my dog for comfort just so I could get up and turn the lights on...

It’s so messed up realizing the Elktaur is just as much the General as he is the Nowhere King; And that the General is just as much the Elktaur as the Nowhere King is. So when he’s singing that last lullaby before his death, keep in mind that’s also the General who is crying and accepting his fate, arguably, as much as it is the Nowhere King. And so I guess it’s easier to pity the Nowhere King and JUST him, while hating the General… But the Elktaur truly is both and thus the most mixed.

He suffered, but only because he himself was willing to inflict that suffering upon another, specifically himself; A poetically literal form of self hatred and cruelty. Karmic but also very much not. The Nowhere King’s tragedy came as a result of the Elktaur’s willingness to be cruel to another to get what he wants, and I am haunted over that. It’s easy to divorce the General from the Elktaur, but I really think one shouldn’t; And likewise, it probably isn’t a matter of the Elktaur being split into different halves, but ones purely identical in all but body.

The General did not take more conceit while the Nowhere King took more self-loathing, they were both equal and identical ratios of the Elktaur’s traits, the difference really is circumstance. And that’s gonna keep me awake at night, because it essentially is two AU versions of a character at war with one another; Like if there were two timelines where the Elktaur turned into just a human, or just an elk- And then they met!

Continuar lendo

i exist and that’s terrifying

there is no plot or set story narrative

i’m just here and one day i wont be

where will my mind go when it has no puppet left to string up and dance for me?

i’m scared

im sorry to drop this long ass post but i think i meed a second opinion

okay so all my native folks i have a dilemma and an existential crisis and im genuinely uncertain if im like, unintentionally trying to appropriate a culture i dont actually belong to, or if im trying to actively join my community.

so i am largely white, and i am translucent, and my moms side of my family is an amalgamation of french, abenaki, and i think some german. however, for the few years of my life where i was fully under my parents jurisdiction with little outside contact, i was sort of raised outside of culture. culture-adjacent. barely anything you could call heritage except for antique family photos, the occasional mention of a great grandparent, and addiction problems. no traditions. little community. barely any family stories. and when i finally started forming a personality around 7 or so, and meeting humans and talking to them i realized oh shit, everyone has like.... a place. a group.

my french canadian friends visit family in canada every summer, my british and irish friends visit the uk and shit, my portuguese friends eat portueguese food and do their hair different. the people born and raised in my middle of buttfuck nowhere massachusetts town are all the worst and going nowhere. my black friends have a group of friends that know what their life is like

and i was looking for my place as this lost 7 year old. i didnt fit with the hillbilly, learned to rode on a tractor family. i definitely didnt fit with the rich uptight texas family. i didnt fit with the town i was in. and i was going through my genealogy, and talking to my family members, and i learned about my abenaki family members. theyre kinda distant but i do feel liek i fit with them. am i doing a bad? is this internalized racism? im sleep deprived and struggling and i dont wanna hurt anyone or hurt anyone elses culture or insert myself where i dont belong please someone help

"Man this existential crisis is great" - Me, because the depth these thoughts are gonna give my fictional oc is crazy

Man life is funny when you just stop giving a shit. Like you distance yourself. Act like you're not a human experiencing the fall of humanity, imagine ur an alien watching it. Watching them scramble to pick up the pieces they themselves broke.

However we got here I don't know, but for this metaphor let's say god's how. God is you in this metaphor. You've just placed your very fish hungry cat into a fish tank. The fish tank has to water but a multitude of fish. All the cat must do is eat the fish. The cat then grows a fucking hand and fucking fills the tank with water. Then when the cat cannot breathe it's shocked. It hops and skips for air and gives up because, "Well not much I can do about it; I mean I'm only a cat." The cat is thinking. So the cat just slowly fucking drowns. And you just stand there like,

And you're simply in too much shock to help your drowning cat and honestly the fish might be dead too they were out of the water for a while. And what the fuck is going on and why the fuck did your cat GROW A FUCKING ARM!??!?!?!??!?

Anyway so in this metaphor, God is you, the cat is humanity, the arm is economics and fossil fuel and colonisation, the fishes are earth and existence, and of course the water is the global issues we're facing.

The point is, if a cat growing an arm and drowning itself isn't funny to you, get rid of the water pussy. Get it? Pussy. It's a cat metaphor- Anyway! If it is funny to you then like just fucking watch! Like see what happens. I don't know!? Maybe the arm comes back and grabs a bucket. The funniest and most likely outcomes are,

1.) The cat just fucking sits down and takes it, slowly drowning with a care in the world. (We all die like the dinos did)

2.) The cat freaks out and pushes the fish tank over and it explodes into a million shards of glass. (Apocalypse senario)

3.) The cat stands up and steps out of the tank. (Moving planets)

4.) The cat drinks the water and then chokes and dies (We use our problems to cause more problems)

5.) The cat grabs a bucket and slowly dumps out the water. (We fix this shit)

Either way I'm rooting for 5 but I cannot wait to see what happens, especially if it's six. Oh six is the cat growing gills which is basically just the frog in a pot metaphor where we all just get used to the planet being on fire and not being able to breathe nice air.

Any bye!!!!!