This Will Be Kind Of Meditation.
This will be kind of meditation.
I would like to say to myself especially about my brain. I am the smartest.
No, I am very smart. Indeed. The way my brain works horribly diabolically different. In some peaceful environment, I most definitely look perfect. But I am really really fragile and I would like if you view me respectfully. My brain has OCD but big major way it works is that it doesn’t have survivor as direct priority. When it tries to use thought process it makes millions decisions to “improve” final outcome, in other words I am not satisfied until I get major damage repair or problem solution, that means I will keep walking through a rope on top of a flagship in the wind to search for solutions. Very often I end up looking differently, expanding my horizon and gaining relevant knowledge to solve the problem. But I get in such way that the brain encourages risky paths more. More time consumption, more work, less power. Yara yara…
When other people have flaws or weaknesses, it’s easier for me to see them, hell it’s super easy. Each one of them, there’s million issues I can pick up on however I am more of an eye. Making logical decisions is definitely my forte also abstract reality is …. Unbearable, my ocd hates making abstract decisions that put me in disadvantage. That cynical pattern behavior has been true all the times. Sometimes, between two somewhat good decisions or two identical ones my brain doesn’t comprehend not making tough choice anymore…
I am too used to keep improving a decision until perfectly satisfied.
I understand flaw in that logic. How do I move from here? How do I live more like normies? To me, it is mental brainhell.
Being stupid seems to be bad. Being too smart makes you stupider than an idiot. Being smart in general doesnt seem to be useful survival skill. Real friends are only ones who can make my life happier.
More Posts from Whiteingale and Others
so far through web ive seen..
a gacha game about rocks, flowers, candies, paintings, tanks, ships, rulers, heroes, gods, monsters, train stations, guns, it never fucking ends...
it never fucking ends..... why
how
consumerism is way too much
we need to literally j just destroy electricity
because
consumerism is fucking insane just shut up
we get it
we GET IT.
everything is moe my poop yesterday is moe
parasitic worms are moe
you will see wehn you pick up random ass sand that it is all moe each rock
I feel anger rn.
TRVTHNUKE. from nightingale chud.
Here's my take on Afd as russian, the entire lesbian leader is a scam. It's just a trick made for getting votes, in reality the truth is they made statements exactly of the same way as nazis. But you know why they are popular on the eastern side? For some reason, chuds say its experience... Nope, it's because the USSR hired nazis as rulers, read it up, I am serious.
Basically, many politicians were secret nazis under communism, they loved it actually, so they were in charge of state for long time. There is too much overexaggeration about how soviets treated them, it wasn't so awful and gulags were for everybody including german soldiers. A lot of them returned to their country.
The USSR hated democratic countries, so the nazis were considered safer as they followed orders and weren't compromisable, since their dream has shattered by then. Look at the seats, oh man, we won't have peace ayyyy.
But hey, I will go back to my closet. I don't want to think about all of dumb stuff that will happen after..
I promise I would do anythjng to kill you. Anything for you to die at the bottom of shit, but we know I am not in this strength and never has been. But I will still try hoping that you can feel pain, even though we all know you’re incapable and after thunder see only your own face.
We WHITE PEOPLE OWN TOUHOU WE FUCKING OWN THE PROJECT
original: Two Girls Blowing Bubbles
Jacob Maris (1837–1899)
I can’t explain one big thing that I hate
I really hate eating. I googled so many diseases but I cant explain the urge to lazy around and for hours to avoid the “responsibility” consciously.
I can work hard! I can! And sure, I need to get used to it but then…. Oh… when at that small second I feel hunger and my mind contemplated for me to stop doing EVERYTHING, just to eat, my brain sadly says BIG NONO.
I start doing nothing and when confronted i avoid it like plaque, i will put on plate, right… go to kitchen, good idea. Then I will start walking! I really have problem with consuming food, there were multiple times back then especially starting 2019…insh at covid era somewhere then, but not so long ago either, i would have extreme fasting period of months…. That happened on multiple occasions, one of them was severe. I lost lots of calories but surprisingly my body didnt feel that different. You can be surprised how long you can survive without food given you dont waste all calories and carbohydrates and glycogen most important through intense workouts.
With more dormat turgor life, you can survive even without water for quite a bit.
I definitelt did back then…. Anyway, the past is over, sometimes I fear “wow w00t wasted all his lifespan hahaahah what” but seriously on average a normal person is far more efficient than I am at efficiency in life. Sometimes its hard to put “Ive done something this grand!”
But yes i need to go fucking eat. Proving the problem……….
-
roxie-miya liked this · 3 weeks ago -
whiteingale reblogged this · 4 weeks ago
