Actually Neurodivergent - Blog Posts

it sucks how neurodiversity terms have become misused by neurotypicals, and then when i show my struggle with that actual thing, I get treated like I'm dramatic. I'm tired man :/ like no janis, you're not going non-verbal just because you stopped talking willingly. if you are non-verbal you cannot speak at all verbally. (I'm not non verbal tho so could be wrong) if you mean situational mutism, that feels like someone taped my fucking mouth shut, and I would not be able to talk then to save my life. I'm tired of seeing the terms non-verbal, overstimulated, hyperfixation, and the like misused. ughhhh

I got a new canopy :) this totally isn't an excuse to show off my favorite stuffed animals that I keep close to me when I sleep bc one of my special interests is plushies haha what. (Also musicals is one for me too and playbill blanket.) Shoutout to my lovely husband for crocheting me the bee that's pictured :]

doing all my homework in a few hour period that I was supposed to be working on over the past 3 weeks then letting myself engage in my hyperfixation as a little treat

why can anxiety cause psychical symptoms. why is it allowed to do that. i don't like that. no

accommodations

knowing something to be true and feeling like something is true should logically be things that always go hand in hand together, but frustratingly enough feelings aren’t things ruled by logic and so this doesn’t always happen. one of these things that I can’t achieve any kind balance between is me knowing that I deserve accommodations and me feeling like I absolutely do not deserve them.

it’s just that when you have been taught your entire life that if you have the ability to do something on your own, you do not deserve any help making it easier to achieve, it becomes very hard to let go of that lesson even when you know it wasn’t factual. it’s too deeply hammered into you that only the helpless deserve help, so if you can do anything without help you’re obviously not helpless and obviously don’t ever deserve help.

but I now know this to be wrong

and as for what I know to be true is that there is no point in suffering.

there is no merit to taking a perilous road to reach a place you could have reached with another path that won’t force you to pay the toll with anguish.

exhausting yourself to the point of not even being able to appreciate the view of the mountain you climbed is pointless. 

pain is not a virtue. 

not only the mythical helpless but everybody deserves and needs help sometimes. you needing help more than the majority needs it isn’t a moral failing. 

always giving everything 101% of your best is not the rent you pay for being alive. 

living is hard enough without disabilities and illnesses, you shouldn’t make it harder on yourself by not grabbing onto infrequent given opportunities (and unjustly infrequent might I add!) to level the playing field.

I feel wholeheartedly that you deserve accommodations for your disabilities and illnesses be they mental or physical or what have you. I'm looking forward to day I feel wholeheartedly that I deserve them to.

but for now knowing is enough.

No means no in any situation. I wish people would stop assuming and crossing boundaries because of what comfort looks like to them.

pls pls pls pls plsss respect when people don't want to be touched. that goes for family too.

your annual reminder:

don’t support autism speaks this month

don’t “light it up blue”

don’t use the puzzle piece symbol

however!

do support autistic content creators

do support “red instead” and the infinity symbol

remember to listen to the voices of marginalised autistic people!

happy autism awareness/acceptance month! go tell your local autistic pal that they’re awesome! if you’re autistic, remember to practice some self-love!

My mom told me that when I was a baby I rarely ever smiled and she said that she told the doctor that she wanted to get me tested for autism and the doctor said don't worry he is just mentally developing differently than my siblings and I think about that a lot

today’s thoughts : is escapism or just a hyperfixation

this came to my attention because lately ive been taking more videos of myself and i realized in almost all (if not all) im making really weird noises or saying something from a song/show and i just find it really entertaining cause i don’t even realize its going on

people don’t talk about vocal stimming enough, in my opinion. haha like vocal stimming is the best. i always have to do it alone cause it usually annoys my family, but still i just love to just go and “aaaaaaaaAAAAaaAaAaaAaa” it’s somehow so refreshing

people don’t talk about vocal stimming enough, in my opinion. haha like vocal stimming is the best. i always have to do it alone cause it usually annoys my family, but still i just love to just go and “aaaaaaaaAAAAaaAaAaaAaa” it’s somehow so refreshing

you ever just *goes to make sandwhich* *gets distracted and writes a hyperfixation related essay for four hours* *goes to do a simple chore* *ends up painting a furby that’s been sitting in the closet for three months*

Ppl without ADHD be like “oh if I get rid of all possible distractions then you’ll be forced to focus on the boring task!” Fool… You underestimate my Power 

oo guys, if any of you stim to music please send me your most stimmy (stimmiest?) songs, I wanna make a playlist

(my favorite is kara kara kara no kara by kikuo)

being autistic as a kid without knowing it be like: *taps foot on the floor* *gets told to stop because the tapping is annoying* *stims in the school bathroom* *stims at home* *stims when reading whatever book you attached yourself to* *gets called a good reader* *attaches self to a group of people who don’t really wanna be your friends but they tolerate you* *gets placed with random people for group projects* *stims in the school bathroom* *gets called a picky eater at home* *gets put into the gifted program but is also really bad at some topics* *draws in class* *stims in class* *gets ignored* *stims in class* *stims in class* *stims in c

Raise your hand if you're a former gifted kid who would've been diagnosed with autism sooner if only anyone actually knew what it was

Don't usually do this but does anyone has any useful advices how to deal with ADHD burnout while it's already happening? And not just how to prevent it.

Google shitty advices they're comically bad.

I guess useful information for nd people online will never be a thing unless you ask other neurodivergent ppl.

My phone isn't even aware that neurodivergent is a real word.

with adhd/autism it's funny like. people will call you weird all your life, people will bully you for your "outlandish" behaviour, people will criticize literally everything you do as "not normal", BUT THE SECOND YOU GET DIAGNOSED (or suggest you might have it) they're like "huh what but you're so normal, you're literally the most normal person I've ever seen, you're literally so normal and absolutely nothing is wrong with you? why would you have that now all of a sudden???"

I just told my partner of over a year that I've been looking into both an autism and an ADHD diagnosis.

It did not go too well.

Nothing has changed. My 165-195 range of raads-r scores didn't suddenly make me a different person just because he knows now. I think we're still together but I want to scream.

I don't want to be a productive member of society. I want to make my art, play my games, and rest. Every little thing overwhelms me.

Having to get up everyday and maintain my body is exhausting.

Maintaining relationships is exhausting.

Having to get up and work while looking presentable is exhausting.

I'm so tired of being demanded of anything and everything. And I know I probably won't be able to rest until I'm either old and senile or dead.

I didn't ask for this, yet here I am...Slowly rotting away. There's no time to truly enjoy life, work, and be both physically and mentally healthy simultaneously, for the majority of your time.

I just want to get out of here and find true joy.