Marama Forgot To Take Her Pills And Rambles Again - Blog Posts

Thinking about Himiko again....

tw!!!: mentions of self-harm

I've seen many artists drawing Toga with sh scars, and, while understanding where it came from, I still couldn't come to terms with the idea itself.

But now... What if these scars aren't only a manifestation of how Himiko couldn't accept her body and let out her pent-up emotions through pain, but also served a practical purpose?

Middle school Himiko grappling with her desire for blood. Drinking her own to avoid hurting others, which, while being a poor substitute, is her only solace?

Himiko, locked up in the bathroom of her so-perfect-so-plastic home, a box cutter at her feet, licking her bleeding wounds while tears are streaming down her cheeks and her trembling lips are curled up into a wobbly smile.

It's so painful, but it's the closest to feeling alive she has.

And Himiko can't bring herself to feel shame.

P. S. It goes perfectly with Himiko wearing her yellow cardigan (?), actually, the sleeves being so long that she has sweater paws. Like, not that Himiko would be ashamed of her scars, she would just hate that people would look at her with pity, so it'd be easier to cover them up.

With the League though... Not that they would pay that any mind. They literally have a walking scar that is Dabi and not like anyone pays attention, so yup, Himiko would become a bit more relaxed about her scars eventually. Maybe they'll even have that scar talk. That'd be cute.

Yknow I've been awfully busy but I have an izuku midoriya art idea I wanna draw

And while searching for references my only thought was

Dam he's so pretty handsome gorgeous omg

I think we've got a new deku fan chat

If you're reading this and you ship togachako

Go read Carmilla

You can watch the movie of course, but don't waste your time on Carmilla (2019), it doesn't even start to cover the original plot

You can try the Terror in the Crypt (1964), it's kinda old, but the story is close to the og one

But if you have the time to read the 1872 novel you better go read it (it's only 16 short chapters)

This post blew up on Twitter (X) so. hard. And I genuinely don't know what to make of it.

Like- 1k likes in less than a day. I wasn't ready for it and I'm so fuckin' confused AAAAAA

Togachako week day 3:

blood 💕🌸✨

blood 🫀🌹☠️

I just couldn't choose one version and there's another alternative one under the cut

Now I gotta go back to drawing Himiko again cuz there's half of the togachako week passed and not a single art piece from me ☠️

You won't believe but Jennifer's body and Hannibal are the two pieces of media that give me the perfect badass tgck vibes

Have a nice day 🫀

If you guys were curious what are my plans

and yeah I call it having a tight schedule...

I have so many ideas they won't fit in my notes app soon...

Just look at the amount of ugly sketches I need to make decent... (yeah they're all named "no name *number*" I'm lazy af)

I'm rewatching Hannibal and an AU came to me… unexpectedly.

(Togachako) Hero x Serial killer!AU (feat. pro hero!Deku and Dynamight) ~☆

tw: bad English, lots of rambling, toxic relationship, we're not romanticizing tgck so proceed with caution (and after reading the disclaimer, please), any tw you can associate with Himiko Toga is here (nothing graphic though), overanalysing stuff, amateur psychology and all, dark content in general

Ochako has been unsure what she wants to do after finally starting her hero career, so she basically tries anything she can reach.

Working in the sea with Tsu, galas and interviews with Yaomomo, traveling with Deku (I feel he'd want to spend the rest of his power to see the world and his lots and lots of friends overseas). This time she finds herself getting into the world of quirk-related investigations under the tutelage of Katsuki whose solved criminal case count rapidly approaches the one of Endeavor (his character arc calls to me to be continued after Endeavor's path, please don't pay attention haha).

And with all that, she still tries to save face, knowing that she could've stopped this particular deranged story with just a word.

Why? Well, maybe she knows that no person in the world can leave DNA of people long dead and flaunt bloody confessions on the walls at the same time. No person who's not Himiko Toga.

The traps are set, the cycle starts its turn…

The very start:

° Himiko has genuine fun taunting Ochako with killing civilians while wearing her face

° She thinks she'll give Ochako the "freedom of expressing love" in a way she assumes Ochako wants but can't afford

° Himiko doesn't hide the fact she kills for Ochako and with Ochako's name on her lips

° Himiko torments her victims being transformed into whoever strikes her fancy, but the final strike is always performed so the last thing the poor prey sees is soulful, most gorgeous brown eyes in the world

° Himiko steals blood from the organization Ochako donors for (it's her way of coping with the trauma left by the Final Battle)

° Knowing the traces of her DNA are left at the crime scene even if she certainly didn't leave them there slowly corrodes Ochako's mental defenses

° She starts dreaming and hallucinating about killing those people herself until she can't tell reality from these images

° At one point she sees herself killing people wearing Himiko's face

° Himiko certainly uses it to her advantage. Who'd know when she gets into Ochako's apartment to whisper about all the ways she torments people from the shadowed corners?

° Guilt-tripping Ochako into justifying her actions too

As the madness progresses:

° Ochako can't draw the line between herself and Himiko anymore

° They complete each other in no way that is socially acceptable, but it feels right

° Ochako still tries to convince herself she's a good person and now this applies to Himiko as well because Himiko is "her" now too

° It's like they're drowning and melting into each other, minds a mingled mess of issues and fears, clinging, warping, breaking...

° Ochako's hands are bloody and Himiko hugs her from behind, cooing sweet nothings into her ear as they stare down at the newest "masterpiece" together

° Clay, warm hands and shaking fingers

° Ochako feels phantom touches on her skin all the time

° Himiko is being all giddy and "affectionate" with her victims, calling them "cute little presents" which she leaves for Ochako

The final stages:

° Ochako has a dream of killing Izuku. She fantasizes about it a lot later. There are tons of guilt and self-loathing, but she feels it would be the right thing to do. Become a way to "thank" Himiko by showing her effort isn't one-sided. She somehow knows it'd end the vicious cycle, but she just can't

° The Devil and Stockholm Syndrome (it's kinda questionable, I know, so we're taking it with a grain of salt)

° Dissociation

° Devil's advocate

° Cases named after astronomical phenomena

° Christmas, and Ochaco finds a bunch of vials filled with blood, all wrapped in a pretty thick red ribbon with a pompous bow on top. It's the legacy they've created together

Note:

I don't see the two as a healthy romantic relationship (I don't say you can't, it's just my opinion), so this scenario is relatively close to what I'd call realistic. Ochako who sees herself as a good person in any case (even if she's just too selfish to confront herself deep inside) and Himiko who takes the role of the bad part where Ochako can't.

Psychobabble (I'm no professional, it's more about how I feel than anything):

I based this whole AU on the traits I found in original manga and just extrapolated/exaggerated them into whatever this is now

Ochako loses feeling of what differs saving others and saving oneself and chooses to save "herself" (aka Himiko) in the end

Ochako is outright childish. She can't let the mask of a "hero" slip only because it's her shield against the world. She's torn apart by the ideas society put in her head, she can't imagine the concepts of "protect the weak" and "everyone is valid" existing together

In the end, she just resorts to the Friend or Foe (mine/anyone else) worldview so it's easier to process. Of course, what is "hers" is always considered as right and justified

Her empathy for Himiko has gotten to the point where it starts to consume her. She projects herself, her fears and motivations on Himiko, and it only makes things worse

Although, her empathy is quite selective. She can't empathize with the families of those who are killed by Toga. She thinks she can, but it comes from the guilt brewing inside her (it's still focused on self), not actual ability to put herself in others' place

Ochako feels she can be "like Deku", that she can save and forgive "bad people" like him. She finds comfort in such thoughts and hides behind them so she doesn't need to acknowledge the drastic differences in the situations

About the character archetypes:

For Ochako I can't figure out just one, but if I name the type it'd be "Not Bad But Confused" probably. Issues come from the fact her personality is too adaptive, and her worldview has shifted severely and continues to do so. In this situation, her way of coping happened to be finding an anchor in the wrong person, it happens to people all the time in real life too after all

Himiko shows as a symbolic "Devil", her presence is more phantom/ephemeral. Yes, she poisons Ochako's thoughts greatly, but the most work is done by Ochako and her own insecurities

Deku is similar to her, more of a symbol than a character. He's needed more as a deity-like/almost religious presence. Kinda ironic that his original character is heavily under the Hero Myth's (not sure how it's called in English, sorry) influence which is connected to the Bible in some ways

Katsuki stands out a bit as he's clearly the "workaholic cop" (workaholic hero in our case), no more than that as per his role. He's here so Ochako can value herself as "above his way of thinking". Side by side she clearly comes out as more "understanding" and sympathetic (NOT EMPATHETIC, don't confuse the terms!). Well, he's the person to bring her back to earth. A stoic one without a prominent character arc (it's often considered bad, but a flat arc can also be fine when handled properly)

Dividers are created by me.

If you're willing to take this AU under your wing or do something inspired by it, please credit me (you can tag me too)

my lovelies @dailytogachako @bigclownshoes @luxkycharmz you asked me to tag you, I hope I didn't forget anyone...

I plan a few big things in terms of writing, so I needed to write down a few key points about this blog in advance (I'm not a good writer, but the ideas they're there anyway, I need to share)

I plan to write something on this blog once in never, so I need to clarify some things so I don't type it all down every single time.

I'm an average Toga Himiko enjoyer. She's not my favorite character ever, and I understand why some people don't like her, but she's my favorite character to draw. I think this kind of love is valid too.

Ochako Uraraka doesn't hold much of my interest (even if socionics says she'd be my ideal partner, heh). But character interaction is cool, so I'll include her in my content too, just don't think it's out of pure undying love (she's a sweetheart anyway).

I DON'T ship togachako (I rarely ship characters in general), but I like every single piece of content about them and find the whole dynamic fascinating. So yes, I'm willing to contribute, just... on the platonic side.

Some things I say about the characters may sound as overly critical or dismissive. It's not to offend the characters, or fans, or anyone else, I just point out flaws where I see them (being my usual blunt self). Just remember that a bad person doesn't mean a bad character specifically (works both ways).

I don't say the way I see the characters is the only right one. Quite the opposite, I always see them through the prism of my experience and knowledge, and it's The Charm about studying and loving things. I'm always willing to learn more and discuss. Discussion in particular is my favorite thing.

I respect your tastes. I don't aim to offend you. So please, save the peace of mind for us all.

Chill. And enjoy what we create together here.

dividers are created by me if you're curious

My dear folks how about me calling you all snake babies???

thoughts on Ochako's hero costume design

her character was clearly intended to be heavily astronaut-inspired. she loves astronomy, her quirk resembles open space, but the only thing that gives me vibes from her hero suit is the HELMET which wasn't even shown very often before they got rid of it entirely

and just imagine if her suit was really after an astronaut's, it'd give so much to her shape language, even more bubbly and round and more Uraraka, we deserve it guys!

but Hori decided that giving her a sexy look (gross, can we talk about sexualizing minors again?) was more important than making the design work better

Okay, now it's time see what this month's challenge brought me! These are the results from the latest to the first one

Even if I only managed 6 prompts out of 10, it was still quite an experience I won't regret.

Cuz hey! It's still Himiko Toga and I finally found out how I like to draw her. My style keeps stabilizing too, which was really important for me.

And most of all – you guys! I never got so much attention to my work and it was a bit surprising hehe.

For the plans – I'm working on a few text posts to take a break and then... Starting a new series! This time it's gonna be tarot, and I'm working on a big togachako AU "project" too.

And don't hesitate to request me with any toga/tgck ideas or just ramble about stuff in the ask box. (no guarantees I'll draw it all at once or at all, but some of these sure)

GOSH despite not shipping tgck (denialistic phase we remember it here), the "crazy psychopath yandere" title Himiko received rings so true for me, and I've always been PISSED OFF when hearing that.

Cuz like, she's NOT!

I'm a yandere enjoyer and my sixth sense told me she's not one from the start. But I guess it comes from the sexualization this character been put through by the fandom (gross, in some sm I've been seeing nsfw ai works as the first thing you receive when searching her hashtag). It's easier to slap an archetype you find "hot" on a character than to actually study their psyche I guess.

And I love people talking passionately about their OTPs (because my OTPs are endangered species haha), thanks (･ิω･ิ)ノ

P. S. I've done an experiment to see if my sexualization point is valid (russian fandom moment) and okay what I got is two sfw arts (one of these mine), one suggestive art, 3 shitty ai art posts and an erotic cosplay reposted like 5 times during past two months. And one. ONE tgck comic reposted from X. S-statistics.

Hi...if you don't mind, can I ask something from BNHA? What do you think are Toga and Uraraka’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Since what moment that you start shipping them? Sorry if you've answered these questions before.....

Hellooo dnana!! I don't mind getting questions, so don't be shy!!!

one thing i've always loved about uraraka is her willingness to help others and also her empathy. she would never hesitate to help anyone, no matter who it was. i also really liked her backstory, and how she was fighting so that her parents wouldn't have to worry about money in the future. it's something admirable.

which is something funny cause to me, one of her weak points is precisely her empathy and your need to help others. she's always thinking about others, doing everything for the others and this becomes a problem when she ends up not thinking about herself. It is very noticeable how much she avoids talking about her feelings, this becomes more visible when toga dies and she goes to cry on the terrace alone, without asking anyone for help how to deal with all this pain.

her need to help others can end up becoming a bad thing when she realizes that she often cannot help others all the time, which ends up becoming frustrating for her and she blames herself for not being able to help even though she does everything she can. and when I say help others, I mean both ways: saving their lives or trying to help them in small things

Now, talking about toga: she's been one of my favorite characters for a long time, I liked how she expressed herself and how she didn't hate heroes at all (at the beginning of the anime). and I love how little by little we saw more of her backstory and understood why she acted that way, because until then many people considered her a "crazy psychopath yandere"

one great thing about toga is simply the fact that she loves, and that's it. I think it's beautiful how she loves everyone who has blood running through their veins, and as if it were her way of saying that everyone can be loved, including her. she's not afraid to express her love and to say that she loves someone (even if it is in her own way). also she was not afraid to try to be herself, even when her parents and old school friends told her she was weird and a demon. It may not have been the "right way", but she tried, she wanted a world where she and her friends from the league of villains could smile. and i think that's beautiful after all.

and her weak point is: not facing the past

toga avoids her past, avoids talking about what happened because it is something sad and scary. this becomes a mistake when we realize that not talking about what happened in the past can influence the present.

In the final arc, before she dies, she finally faces the demons of her past with ochako, and we realize that there is still a lot of stuff stored away, especially hurt. we finally managed to understand that she's not a bad person, she was just lost and wanted to find someone who understood her. and that she never wanted to hurt someone and steal their blood, she wanted to ask but knew that if she did, they would call her a demon.

I've been shipping them since 2019 (when I started MHA) and i just loved the hero x villain dynamic, it was something cool for me. as the story progressed, I started to like how toga seemed to genuinely like ochako (more than she apparently liked deku) and how uraraka seemed curious about toga, and that she wasn't really afraid of her (which later turned out to be canon)

this shipp is something sweet to me, how ochako sought to know about toga and how she didn't give up until the end. and how toga was so hurt but allowed herself to open up to ohacko and talk about what happened. I'm sure if they had a chance... things would have been different.