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Peter: Loki! Violence isn’t the answer
Loki: I’m a god. Therefore I have the authority to say it is.
Peter: *pauses* Can’t argue with that logic
Tony: oh no
Loki at Midtown Tech: I have come to kidnap my adopted gremlin friend
Office Lady: I’m not sure who you mean. Would you like to ask over the PA system?
Loki: I would love too.
Loki into the mic: Hey gremlin, we’re gonna fight a god and kick his ass. And then we’re gonna cause mischief with the vent bird
Meanwhile in Peter’s classroom
Teacher: Well that was weird. Probably someone playing a prank...Peter, why are you getting up?
Peter: I’m gonna fight a god, kick ass and cause mischief with the vent bird. It helps a snake and spider de-stress.
Teacher: You know what? I don’t care anymore. “Fight a god” as long as you get your work done.
Ned after a moment: snake... snake... Wait, does that mean that was Loki?!
Mr Harrington at decathlon: You’re all wonderful people so I don’t think any of you have ever broken another person’s bones before
Peter and MJ look at each: About that...
Harrington: Okay, I kinda expected MJ but Peter?! Why are you breaking people’s bones?
Peter: Cause fighting non lethally is hard without breaking bones. I either break bones or I kill them
Harrington having a panic attack: Okay. Okay. This is normal. Trauma forces people to make bad choices.
MJ: I’m proud of you loser.
Flash: whatthefuckwhatthefuck
Ned: How come humans don’t lick to show affection?
MJ: Lesbians do
Peter coughing after choking on his saliva: W-what?!
MJ: You heard me
Ned dying of laughter and with an accent: It is what it is
Peter our as Spider-Man talking to a criminal: Where can I find a wheelchair?
Criminal who’s rant was interrupted: What? Why?
Peter: Cause I can’t stand bullshit
Tony scolding Peter for doing stupid and dangerous things on patrol: Why?! You’re going to get yourself killed!
Peter and Loki: Here for a good time not a long time
Shuri coming in with a bottle of bleach: I was summoned and I brought drinks.
MJ: Hey losers. Give me an honest answer on how much you hate Flash.
Peter: It cannot be represented by mortal means
Ned: I-
MJ:...That’s fair
Peter: *texting happy* Happy! Help, I’m being kidnapped!
Happy: *replying* where are you?
Peter: I’m with some strange person! In a car. Help!
Happy: I’ll call Tony
Tony: *answering his cell* Y’ello?
Happy: where’s Peter? He told me that he’s being kidnapped.
Tony: Peter? Whaddya mean, he’s sitting in the back seat right her-
Tony:
Tony: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*
Tony: *turns around in his seat to be facing Peter* UNDEROOS! MY GOATEE WILL GROW BACK!
Peter: *pushing himself against the car door* WHO ARE YOU?!